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Original poster

Help me think of some new expletives to describe my husband please

64 replies

ExtraFancy · 30/08/2009 20:21

This is going to be long, so bear with me...some background:

I've been married for 5 years and have a 2yo DS. I've had PND recently and DH is suffering from depression too - currently on ADs.

We live about 200 miles from my family, his family are near-ish. We are in our late 20s.

I recently found out I am pregnant again - unplanned, I had been on the mini pill.

I've been doing my best to support DH during a difficult few weeks - he is unhappy at work, feels 'trapped' in marriage/children situation but says he still loves me, so I've been trying hard to help him.

The other night he told me he had thought of a solution to our marriage problems. He thinks it would be wrong to separate as it would have a negative effect on DS, who apparently is his biggest priority. Instead he has suggested (get ready, it's a blinder) that we share a house for the sake of DS, but tell everyone else we're not actually in a relationship any more, and (this is the best bit) he should be free to have relationships/sex with other people if he wants to!

I know, it's taken me about three days to actually get my head round this. Apparently if I/other people can't handle this, it's because they are too narrow-minded and why should anyone dictate what a marriage should/shouldn't be?

So basically he thinks I will agree to live with him, but not have sex with him/act like his wife, and happily welcome his new girlfriends into our home When I objected to this and said we might as well just separate, he took offence at the suggestion as it would be 'bad for DS' to have separated parents...

I have told him I'm not going to get rid of this pregnancy as I would regret an abortion for ever- I do not want to be grieving for a lost child as well as a fucked marriage. His response was that I've got no right to object to him sleeping with other people then, as 'it's his body and he can do what he likes', just like me keeping this pg. Great parallel, no? (Did I say yet?)

So who would like to join me in thinking up some choice ways to describe this proposal? Honestly, I am on the verge of tears constantly, and if I don't get angry I will just sit and cry.

Before anyone suggests it, I am already looking into rent prices in the area my family are from. Just need a bit of an MN kick up the arse (cos we dont' do hugs, do we )

OP posts:
Worldturnedupsidedown · 30/08/2009 20:43

Oh my god, what a horrible situation for you. I'm so sorry

How about the following:-

Cockshit!!!
Knobjockey!!!
Shite-shag!!!

I'm going through the mill myself and have called my H all of the above...chin up girl.Be strong

mummytowillow · 30/08/2009 20:48

DICKWAD!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/08/2009 20:52

Wow i love Fuck off, come back then Fuck off again. I'm going to write that down! But seriously. Fucking selfish, cunty shithead of the highest order. How the Fucking Fuck dare he? I don't know what your housing situation is but either you or he needs to move out immediately. Let him have his sad pathetic single life and much good may he get from it. Poor you. Why are so many men just unbelievably Fucking stupid?

mamas12 · 30/08/2009 20:53

Well well well
What an arsewip of a pig.
Why don't you ring both sets of parents anyway.
How humiliating for him to think that you would go along with that 'fantasy'
No way would that scenario be anywhere near stable enough for dcs.
I would

  1. Invite a mate around (male) and tell him it starts tonight and see what he says.
  2. Kick him out straightaway.

Good luck with your pregnancy though.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 30/08/2009 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

warthog · 30/08/2009 21:23

didn't he make marriage vows?

warthog · 30/08/2009 21:24

FORSAKING ALL OTHERS???

Original poster
ExtraFancy · 30/08/2009 21:26

'Fuck off, come back and then fuck off again' is brilliant, thank you!

I know things aren't working as they are, I'm not stupid, but I just can't imagine how this particular situation would work for anyone.

I am going offline now to eat popcorn and watch Wuthering Heights, and am pondering showing him this thread tomorrow...

OP posts:
Original poster
ExtraFancy · 30/08/2009 21:27

Oh no mama12, I want HIM to tell my lovely protective dad/stepdad about this little idea

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 30/08/2009 21:30

What a selfish fucking cock. Being depressed does not give you the right to piss all over everybody elses feelings.

Please make an appointment to see a solicitor. He may want to live as your glorified lodger but that doesn't mean to say that you have to agree to it.

Salleroo · 30/08/2009 21:32

Dickwad was my first thought too.

Are you sure he hasn't started playing the field already? Sounds like he is trying to justify something. What a prick.

Make him tell both sets of parents on speakerphone while you sit with him.

Enjoy the popcorn, where is he this evening?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/08/2009 21:34

Tell him you have thought about it.

You think it is a great idea and get a male friend to come round and hang out in your room.

What an excuse for a person never mind a man.

lizziemun · 31/08/2009 08:55

No choice words/name to call him.

Ask him how would he feel if you agree to this stupid suggestion when you bring a 'male' friend home for the night.

Bet he hasn't thought about that side of things because you're be at home with his children.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/08/2009 09:06

OMG. Am still shocked so not sure what to say about the situation yet, but can deffo give you some of my personal favouritechoice phrases:

Twunt (goes without saying - classic MN i believe? very pleasing indeed)
Jeb-end
Cock-end
Helmet
Smear
Bellend
Haemarroid (sp)
Shitfer

Mostly cock related.

ohnelly · 31/08/2009 11:00

Kick him out pronto and if he wont go tell him you will kick him so hard he will be wearing his arse for a hat

zookeeper · 31/08/2009 11:03

nob

abedelia · 31/08/2009 14:30

Knobjockey is superb. What a shitty thing to do to you. Still, at least you are aware of what a shovel of shite the man is before his second child gets a chance to be upset about his departure.

As for now, I would tell him you are off and that by the time you and the CSA are through with him he will be lucky to be able to afford a trial subscription to match.com and the internet connection to go with it, let alone the chance to go out pulling unsuspecting women (who will run a mile when you welcome them in your pyjamas on the stairs, let alone want to shag him while you get the kids ready for school outside his room).

ErikaMaye · 31/08/2009 15:25

So things aren't working, and him being able to fuck whoever he wants is the solution, is it?

Fuckmuppet
Monkey cock-face
Idiotic twat

UGH this guy is a total fuck.

For what its worth, your DS, and your unborn baby, would be much better off without him then watching him bring various women into the house.

UnquietDad · 31/08/2009 15:26

"Cake", "having" and "eating" spring to mind.

Pielight · 31/08/2009 15:36

lol UQD. They do indeed.

Am so sorry though EF. It sounds a horrid situation.

arsehat is excellent

Tidey · 31/08/2009 15:48
Pielight · 31/08/2009 15:53

Also we're bandying horrible words about, but actually it's a rather nasty situation isn't it EF? What are you going to do?

(though still grateful for Tidey's kind introduction to arsehat. I have just called the dog an arsehat as a trial run)

LaurieFairyCake · 31/08/2009 15:53

Quite simply, it is not worse to separate than your DS witness your terrible unhappiness at an open marriage being forced on you.

He is a total scum-bag.

If it was me. I would get rid and tell everyone that he wanted to separate but still live with me and bring women back to the house.

Every single person in the world would probably just do this and then call him names.

You deserve so much better than this.

melmog · 31/08/2009 15:57

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I hope you go to see a solicitor and get some advice about how to proceed from here.

He is a piece of nob cheese.

MmeLindt · 31/08/2009 16:02

Arsch mit Ohren

German, means he is an Arse with ears.

Truly.

Glad you are getting rid of him, sounds like a horrible situation.

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