is it me or are a lot of women NOT NOTICING their hs are having affairs on here atm

[PitysSake]

for eg the mate in the car thread

the golf text thread

WAKE UP!!

[ahundredtimes]

yes, I can see that countingto10 completely.

We all think it is abnormal - whereas it is probably highly normal, in fact it probably happens to the majority not the minority. No idea if that is the case, but wouldn't be surprised.

is sad and horrid. Am v. sorry about it countingto10.

Once you begin to think it might be more normal than abnormal, then you can't be smug anymore Eleanora. Marriage is probably a delightful act of optimism anyway.

I should say at this point my dh has not been unfaithful to me as far as I know.

[AnyFucker]

as far as I know my dh has also been faithful

but I try not to take it for granted......

[countingto10]

I read on one american website that it could be as high as 80% of marriages if you include someone having an affair with someone who is also married IYSWIM and no doubt the divorce rates also bear out the percentage as well if you think of all the couples who stay together after an affair.

It's all pretty grim really.

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

feeling condifent your DH would not have an affair and trusting him, are not good indicators of whether he would have an affaiar or not.

The most unlikely people (even to themselves)have affairs.

however we have to trust until such time we know the trust is broken or we couldn't have a realtionship at all.

[ahundredtimes]

yes, I agree with that

[countingto10]

The one thing I have learnt from my experience and since other people found out what had happened, was the amount of people saying to me "oh my DH had a fling when our DS1 was six weeks old" etc. It is more normal than abnormal and the trouble is nobody openly discusses it in RL or even discusses with their DH/DW what they would do if they found someone attractive etc outside of the marriage (before anything happens). In a long marriage, you are bound to find other people attractive now and again.

I was discussing this with a friend and when I said anyone was capable of an affair, she admitted that she had been contacted by an ex of 20 yrs ago via facebook and said she got very excited (butterflies in stomach etc) when communicating with him and (even though she loved her DH dearly) was secretly trying to find a way of meeting up with him. When she told her DH she was going to see a friend he realised she would meet up with this chap, she denied it but realised how close she had come to being "unfaithful" in her excitement. As I said to her "if you wouldn't do it in front of your DH, it's cheating".

One thing helping me come to terms with my DH's infidelity is that fact that I would also be capable of having an affair in the right circumstances. Yes, my marriage will never be the same again but we are now much more honest with each other than we have ever been in the past and have a much better understanding of each other which we would never have had without the affair so I am really hoping "that my husband's affair will be the best thing that ever happened to me" whether we stay together or not if that makes sense.

[daftpunk]

i rarely read those threads...have zero interest in random strangers tangled love lives....bores me tbh...

[FlightHattendant]

Everything bores you though DP, we on the other hand are all riveted

[daftpunk]

not true flight...lots of things interest me....just not the personal problems of someone i've never met...and never will meet......

[FlightHattendant]

I know...I was only kidding.

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Blimey Dp what topics are you on then?? isn't nearly all Mn someones elses problems, even if it's just what to cook tonight?

I guess..
book reviews
in the news...

now I'm struggling

[FlightHattendant]

music mostly I think...

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Ah.

is there a music topic???

I'm too busy comemnting on stragers love lives to notice.

[daftpunk]

MBK;...will post on;

music

politics

sport

parenting

gardening (sometimes)

that's about it really...

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Right, parenting and gardening, they'll be strangers with problms i bet. Gottcha!

[daftpunk]

avoid all the sex threads..... and all the "is my husband having an affair"

if you don't know,.. how the hell would I...?

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Our paths must never cross.

But you do look familiar.

[daftpunk]

i don't reco your name...have we spoken before..?

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Nah, but I've seen you around.

[YummyorSlummy]

I think some of you need to stop being so pessimistic.Sure, infidelity happens and it a horrible thing. But unless you have any reason to think your partner has been unfaithful then its much healthier to believe that he will be faithful to you. Isn't trust one of the most important parts of a relationship? I don't think I'm being 'smug' or naieve to think that my husband won't cheat on me I trust him just like you should when you marry someone.

[daftpunk]

MBK;

yes...i know what you mean....what threads do you normally post on..?

[AnyFucker]

I realise now I have sounded a bit doom-and-gloom

sorry ladies, not quite what I meant

just this really: don't take anything for granted

I think any cheated-on woman (or man) will tell you that

not that every fella will cheat, given half the chance, 'cos I do know many that, as far as it is possible to tell, would not

[YummyorSlummy]

I don't get chance to take mine for granted since he's in the forces he gets posted away for months at a time. Makes u realise how much u miss someone- and even though he's thousands of miles away and could easily be unfaithful if we wanted to I still trust him completely. Otherwise what would be left

[brazenhussy]

I haven't read the whole post through but just wanted to say that, as many of you know I used to be a mistress to several men for many years and I could never believe or understand how their wives didn't discover their affairs.

I posted on here about a year ago about how I was constantly amazed and dumfounded as to how their wives never suspected a thing. We would have weekends away, late night conversations and in some cases almost normal relationships.

I concluded that men must be very very good at deceit; even when one wife found evidence he was able to wriggle out of it.

These men had pictures of me on their phone, saved Msn conversations on their pc's and credit card bills which obviously must have shown out meals, hotel stays and holidays.

Now I have put that life behind me and I have a new (single)partner,it worries me that I know as much as I do. One of my married men's wives used to check on him constantly (presumably I wasn't his only Mistress)and she never found a thing - we were seeing each other twice a week for 2 and a half years!

I never check up, it rarely occurs to me, maybe it would be different if I were married but I for one could be easily cheated on.

In summary I think that you can never be 100% sure your DH/DP wouldn't do it - I can remember a conversation on a girls night out I had with one of the wives in which she said that she knew her DH was faithful, she would bet her life on it as they had been married 12 years and he had very high, old fashioned morals, plus he never went out in the evenings. Her DH had been a regular at a Swingers club for about 6 months but he only attended in the afternoons to avoid suspision.

[abedelia]

Good point brazenhussy, particularly as I suspect you are waiting for karma to bite you on the ass. Point is that anyone can cheat, regardless of the happiness of their home relationship - something new always looks better and more exciting than what you know inside out. If human nature wasn't made this way we'd still be living in caves. You're just discovering the downside of trust - which is the one and only thing which made all those men able to screw around with you. sorry if I sound harsh, getting the pov of a mistress is a good thing often and I don't want to scare you off.