is it me or are a lot of women NOT NOTICING their hs are having affairs on here atm

[PitysSake]

for eg the mate in the car thread

the golf text thread

WAKE UP!!

[PitysSake]

yes. I agree
its being dumped isnt it and it SEEMS that men just pick up and carry on pretty fast.

my dh cant imagine wanting to have to juggle TWO women

although they all say that dont they?!

[orangina]

I'm pretty certain I wouldn't be begging anyone to stay w me if he felt the need to boff another woman. I'm sure there was be a lot of mental postmortem-ing ("where did it go wrong? What has she got that I haven't?"), but the whole fear of being single thing isn't something I can hugely relate to.

It's bloody boring being single, but a damn sight better than being in a shit relationship.

trust. no idea how anyone can negotiate a marraige/partnership without it.

[AnyFucker]

one thing that MN has taught me is that many women make excuses for them, they try to understand why they these dirty bastards did it (driving themselves crazy in the process), they put the blame on the OW for stealing her man ....

etc etc

the truth, the bloke is a twat of the highest order and did it 'cos he wanted to/felt entitled to, no other excuse for it

[saintmaybe]

and yes, the way these men are behaving, eg the texts, not coming home etc, they're being shitty anyway, it's not like, 'but if he hasn't actually fucked her my relationship is good' is it?

[PitysSake]

yes i agree

well odne all

[orangina]

anyfucker, you are so right. Obviously ow is not blameless, but the vitriol reserved for her should (i think) be directed at the adulterous twat.

[aRLcat]

It's a thin line, yes.

Not forgetting, women dealing with an affair (whether proven or not) are currently in the midst of one of the most abusive scenarios imaginable.

Their partner is currently being extremely abusive, is being manipulative, deceitful, selfish, and when these behaviours are specific only to the affiar, are ones which he has never displayed before, it makes the current scenario all the more difficult for the woman involved to accept as reality.

It's truly confusing, is intentionally constructed to be so by spineless philanderer OH and to my mind, any woman who does make it through the many smokescreens and extreme pain to singledom, freedom and self worth deserves applause. No matter how long it takes her

[orangina]

hear hear rlcat (more rounds of applause)

[AnyFucker]

PS, the other thing that MN has taught me is that you should never take your relationship for granted

and that next week it might be you (or me) who is asking for advice about a dodgy situation

it seems any man is capable of being a twat, don't most of these situations start with the woman saying "I can't believe he did this, he is usually so......"

[aRLcat]

AF, absolutely agree!

to Orangina

[saintmaybe]

So true.

[GypsyMoth]

so true AF....so true!

[orangina]

[orangina]

[MaggieLeo]

IloveTiffany, I'd like a set up like yours one day. Because if it goes tits up, you can just end it. I know it would hurt all the same, but it'd be a less messy kind of break up. Your own home, finances not merged,,, that's the only kind of relationship i could face i think. after feeling fucked over by last relationship, and crawling back up to feeling independent and confident and happy, i would never want to risk jeopardising 'this' ..

[mrsboogie]

I'll tell you what shocks me - how many intelligent educated women are prepared to be totally financially dependant on a man. Be a SAHM by all means, get married or don't whatever you want but for God's sake make some sort of provision for yourself if things go tits up in future.

If you are going to be a SAHM and can afford to live on one salary there should be enough money for the parent who doesn't work outside the home to have some income.

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT HAVE KIDS UNTIL HE HAS PUT THE HOUSE IN BOTH NAMES!!

[MaggieLeo]

i made the exact mistakes you refer to mrsboogie.

[GypsyMoth]

Maggie. its so much easier,believe me! and no mans washing to do,no,definitely no finances merged. finances seem to be main stumbling block for women when it comes to leaving,second to upsetting their dc. i had a bad relationship previously where i couldn't even rearrange furniture or cupboards without being questioned. so never likely to go down that road again.he has his place,and i have mine. much better,no arguments.

[MaggieLeo]

yes, i have been saving so hard the last few years, and when we finally buy our own tiny house, I would rather live in that tiny place knowing it was all ours, than pool resources with somebody.

I dunno,maybe lurve would make me change my mind, but maybe not. I don't feel lonely, I don't need company, although I do enjoy it.

I think you have it all sewn up!!

[MaggieLeo]

Was your last partner controlling by any chance? mine was. maybe it's a symptom of that? wanting this arrangement that most women would feel was inadequate, or, be trying to 'move forward'.

[MrsMattie]

The thing is, for every mug who is making excuses for her obvious scumbag of a boyfriend, there is an intelligent woman being cheated on by a seemingly good bloke.
I would never get too judgy about it.

[expatinscotland]

exactly, mrsboogie! or who are living with 'd' PARTNER, not married, and have not covered their financial arse.

there's nothing darling about a man who is risking his childrens' security and future by not making sure his partner and the mother of his children is covered in case something happens to him.

as to affairs, well, each to her own i guess, but i've always been of the order that someone who does this to his/her spouse can indeed love you still, it's just that they love themselves more. and hey, love is respect.

[BitOfFun]

Separate finances very good. I have one of those Woody and Mia relationships (before he shagged Soon-Yi, obviously) and we are blissfully happy.

[GypsyMoth]

most women might find it inadequate,but those are the ones posting the types of threads you see in relationships all the time. so at the end of the day,they are unhappy. i'm not. i was in their shoes once,never again tho.

i also think that women seem to see having dc changes everything...and think this shpuld be the same for DH,and then are surprised to find DH still likes to carry on/flirt/live life as if still single...when for the woman,her life now begins and ends with the DC.

[MaggieLeo]

ha ha BOF! yes, it took a definite turn for the worse then.