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Original poster

Come and tell me about growing up with a younger brother, whether your experience or that of your dcs

70 replies

Pinkjenny · 21/08/2009 09:06

I have deliberately not put this in AIBU, mainly because IABU, but I am pg with dc2, which we found out yesterday is a ds. I already have a dd, aged 2.3yo.

I am ashamed to admit that I am a bit disappointed that it is a boy. I am an only child, and would have loved a sister, and I really wanted dd to have a sister. I have this ridiculous ideal of her growing up with her sibling, playing together and sharing a childhood and still being close as adults, and I never imagined her doing all that with a brother. I would stress that my only child status alllows me this ignorance.

Dd was very insistent that she was getting a baby sister, and I feel in some way I have let her down, like I've bought the wrong Christmas present or something.

Does anyone have any experiences that might make me feel better about it? Or perhaps offer a slap in the chops and tell me to get a life?

OP posts:

spinspinsugar · 21/08/2009 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stickylittlefingers · 21/08/2009 09:55

My little brother is 4 years younger than me, and we have always been very close. It's great to get a boy's perspective on things - we fought a lot lot less than my friends with sisters, but that's anecdotal, obviously! I must admit I would have liked a sister too, but having a little brother has always been wonderful and I wouldn't change him for the world.

Lots of people would be jealous of you having one of each!

pooka · 21/08/2009 09:55

DD was 2 years 2 months when her little brother DS was born.

They get on like a house on fire. Like opposites attract - they are so so different fundamentally, but their differences sort of seem to balance and dd has become more boisterous and ds's bumptiousness is tempered by dd. They are however very stereotypically boy/girl - which has been a revelation to me because I always thought was more nurture than nature and in the end I realise how completely wrong I was.

Get the book "There's a HOuse inside my mummy" - is generally a nice book for toddlers about mummy having a second baby, but also has the advantage of the older one being a bit androgynous and the line "look what mummy's made for me, my lovely little brother" which always makes my throat catch when I read it to dd and ds now am expecting No. 3.

Also cannot recommend highly enough the "Lucy and Tom" books by Shirley Hughes - older sister with younger brother. Match my two almost exactly. Really lovely. Waterstones has Lucy and Tom go to School which is great for dd and ds now they have both started school/pre-school respectively.

I have 2 older brothers and they are great. We get on brilliantly now - though when younger were not as close but that is because they are 5 and 6 years older than me rather than because they are boys.

I admit that when I was having No. 2 I did vaguely want a girl - a little sister for dd. But also because I felt I knew where I was with girls. Was terrified of boy nappy changes . But it has been the best thing ever. And dd is privileged because she has had the position of only girl. Their differences has meant that they have only very rarely craved the same toy. They play differently but together. They are a great complimentary team. Yes he exasperates her from time to time, but there isn't the same competition that existed between my older brothers who had just 18 months between them and were inevitably and always compared with each other by relatives (not my mother or father who were very good at seeing their differences despite sharing gender).

pooka · 21/08/2009 09:57

Oh and not sure what this one (due in 2 weeks) will be. But am already a bit worried that might be a boy because don't want ds to lose position as only boy, or might be a girl, because then dd will not be the only girl.

Not sure where that leaves me really .

Jojay · 21/08/2009 09:59

I have a younger brother, only 21 mths between us. We squabbled as kids - who doesn't? - but as teenagers we were part of the same social circle and it was great.

He lives overseas now so we're not so close, but he and his girlfriend were over here and we went camping togehter and we had a riot.

You can't predict how it will work out, and gender is only one of many factors that will affect this.

shelleylou · 21/08/2009 10:02

i have two younger brothers DB1 is 18 months younger than me and db2 is 4 years younger. Growing up i was very close to db1 had same group of friends etc. We were practacally inseprable most of the time. DB2 i wasnt as close to growing p bt still had a great relationship with. Now as adults im closer to db but both of my little brothers are my protectors. Sometimes wonder if they are brothers or bodyguards lol. Quite often go for drinks with db2 and he randomly turns up to see me and ds

pooter · 21/08/2009 10:02

i have a younger brother - 2.5 year age gap. We did fight a bit, but also played together constantly, made up silly games together and really enjoyed each others company. We slept in the same room every christmas eve, laughing and joking, until we were in our 20's! We still have daft jokes that only we 'get'. I was the only person he confided in when he had some health worries in his teens, and we have always really supported each other. His wife was my maid of honour at my wedding and feels just like a sister to me. Every day i am glad i have a little bro (even though we are now in our mid 30s).

You mustn't worry - it can be great!

PacificDogwood · 21/08/2009 10:07

My DB is 2 years younger than me and we had a brilliant childhood together. There was only the 2 or us and I never hankered after a sister - although I did quite fancy having an older brother ...
We played lots of "house" together with my dollies and his teddies, I was "mummy" and he was "daddy" ( again) and played a lot together outside with a whole gang of other neighbourhood kids. I think it helped that the age gap was not too big. A friend's 4 years younger sister was never welcome in our group as she was a "baby", so same gender did not guarnatee inclusion, IYSWIM.
I suppose we grew a bit more distant as teenagers, different interests (me boys, him girls ) but became closer again as adults.
We now live in different countries so obviously do not see each other v often but are still close.

I now have 3 boys (aged 6, 5 and 17 months) and that is nice too although a lot more (physical) fighting going on...

Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy!!

PacificDogwood · 21/08/2009 10:09

PS: I grew up learning more about cars purely by osmosis than I ever wanted to know. Came in really handy as DH is obssessed carnut very interested in cars and motorsport....

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 21/08/2009 10:09

Pooka - I have the 'House in Mummy's tummy' book, and we have been reading it a lot. I must admit, I am quite glad it refers to a little brother. And I can assure you that at 21 weeks and still being sick, I will NOT be making another!

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 21/08/2009 10:11

Thanks pinkjenny, have been in two minds about the nickname recently - glad you like it!!

We went on and on about Peppa too

stealthsquiggle · 21/08/2009 10:11

I get on really well with my "little brother" (all 6ft 6" of him ) who is 10 years my junior, and he is definitely a favourite uncle to my DC. I don't get on esepcially well with my older brother, but as children, although we squabbled constantly, it was still 'us against the world' if anyone else criticised/threatened either of us.

Peppa Pig. Good thinking. I was mentally running through characters and kept coming up with Big brother/Little sister combos, but maybe I just notice those more because that is what I have!

OhBling · 21/08/2009 10:15

I have a younger brother. There's only just over a year between us. We did fight quite a lot at times, but we also had the best time together and most of my happy childhood memories include him. We're still close even though we live far away and we still laugh over the ridiculous things that we have thought are hilarious our whole lives that everyone else doesn't understand - and we love that.

DH loves seeing me with my brother or hearing about him and I because the stories are such fun.

I am better "friends" with my sister. But there's a bond between my brother and me that's different to anything I have with anything else. Outside of DH he's the person I am most protective of and I know he feels the same about me.

pooka · 21/08/2009 10:15

PInkjenny - I feel exactly that way now when I read the "until she makes another" line. Am tempted to change it to "there's no one in her tummy house and there will not be another"!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 21/08/2009 10:18

One thing that is standing out with all of your posts, is that the sibling experience doesn't appear to be diminished or lessened because of gender. All the things I wished for in a sister are also possible with a brother.

OP posts:

branflake81 · 21/08/2009 10:35

My DP has an older sister and so is the younger brother.

They were not very close growing up, perhaps also because of the age gap (nearly four years) but now they are both adults they get on really well and are very close.

dizietsma · 21/08/2009 11:42

My DB was born when I was 8, and I ADORED him. I was going through a doll phase at the time, and here was a real live one to play with!

I also wanted a sister, but in retrospect I'm glad I had a brother. Also, those feelings of wanting a sister pretty much disappeared when he was born. I'm yet to see sisters with as good a relationship as my brother and I. I don't wish to stereotype, but sisters do seem to be a bit more... tooth and nail than brothers and sisters. It'll also help stop feelings of displacement/jealousy getting out of hand.

Plus, I think men who have grown up with big sisters are generally better with the ladies and less sexist in general. So long as the women in his life haven't mollycoddled him.

YanknCock · 21/08/2009 11:57

I was nearly 6 when my little brother was born, and like dizietsma, I was very pleased to have a new toy! I loved helping to take care of him when he was a baby/little one. Can remember carrying him up to bed when he was a toddler, him having fallen asleep on the stairs. I read to him loads--the reason I remember so many Dr Suess books by heart is not from them being read to me!

As we got older we fought more and I was pretty bossy with him--mainly because I was his babysitter and got left in charge a lot from when I was 12. I left home at 18 and we didn't connect much until he was going to university.

As adults the relationship has become a lot more equal. He was doing an internship in Germany a few years ago, and I went to see him. Was amazing thinking this little kid was now a very independent adult who spoke another language fluently! We drank a lot of beer together and danced on the tables at a festival, was a brilliant time getting to know him all over again.

beanieb · 21/08/2009 12:01

I had a younger brother and an older sister. The age gap between me and my brother was about 18 months. I was a lot closer to my brotehr than I was to my sister but then I was very much a tom boy so we would be out and about making dens etc.

I can't remember much from when I was very very young but I know that from the age of about 7 I was still much closer to my brother than my sister (She was years older than me) and my sister wasn't that bothered with us. I am much closer to my sister now mostly because we live much closer to eachother.

beanieb · 21/08/2009 12:03

sorry - that shold read that my sister was 2 years older than me NOT 'years older'!

BramblyHedge · 21/08/2009 12:24

I have a brother and we grew up very close. DP has a brother and they are not close to each other and used to thump each other growing up. Don't think it makes a difference tbh,

NorbertDentressangle · 21/08/2009 12:32

I have a brother who is 2 years syounger than me.

We did the usual sibling bickering and figting as children (but I think you get that whether its a boy/girl or 2 boys or 2 girls IYSWIM).

We became closer after we both moved away from home. In fact I'll never the lovely letter he sent me after a close friend at college died during our first year away from home. In fact I think that was when we both realised that we were both "nice adults" who could get on rather than PITA siblings.

My 2 DC are 4.5 years apart and they fight and bicker but also play together, "look after" each other/show concern for each others well-being and feelings etc. When DD (the older of the 2) goes to stay with grandparents for example they really miss each other. Its quite sweet actually.

BitOfFun · 21/08/2009 12:37

My brother is two years younger than me, and we did squabble, but played together too, and as adults he has been one of my best friends and is a rock for me. Plus he never nicked any of my boyfriends

MarshaBrady · 21/08/2009 12:42

I have 2 sisters and a brother (although slightly older).

And I have to say that he brings stability and reason and all good things to a family that may have been too emotional otherwise.

I'm pretty sure they will be as close as siblings as two sisters.
And congrats

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 21/08/2009 12:42

BitofFun - that's good! Although not necessarily a guarantee...

Have just nipped out and bought a few blue things (dh will be thrilled) and am starting to embrace the idea of a son. You ladies have been instrumental in that this morning, and I (and dh who does not want me crying in the middle of the night again tonight) am so so grateful.

OP posts:

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