Sorry in advance for the length of this.
Background. DH and I used to be madly inlove with eachother. We fell pregnant with our first DD within 2 months of being married. We both agree that this was way to early but would not change it now. We just had another DD (3 months).
He has never said anything to hurt me or upset me although we have had our fair share of arguments over silly things.
In January he went out for his dad's bday. He never came in until 4:30am and text me the whole time saying he was waiting for a taxi, loved me, see me soon ect. Next morning he was asleep on the couch. I picked up his clothes and shoes and his phone fell out of his pocket. It was turned off so I went to turn it back on for him. He woke and saw me and lept up trying to get the phone from me. We have never had secrets. He uses my phone all the time and I use his. So immediatly I was thinking what the hell does he have to hide? Turns out he had gone out, taken his ring off, made up a story that we were divorced and kissed 2 girls, got thier numbers and text them thru the night. He rode home with one in a taxi and walked the rest of the way home. I was torn apart by this. He told me he did not love me anymore and that he was leaving. I love him so much and since he had never ever done anything like this before I knew something was wrong. We have had a lot of stress and I think he needs help although he does not see it. So we talked a lot and in the end I am not proud but I begged him to stay and work on things. We went to councelling and he cried and said he did love me and he does not know why he did what he did. We moved on...
Then...he had a bad day at work on Wed. Said he wanted to go for a walk so he left after the kids were in bed to clear his head and think. I proposed the idea of him going back to school. He came home and said we would talk tomorrow (thurs). Thursday he comes home and we are all lovey and kissing and made plans for a date night in the house Friday. I get in the shower and he gets in with me. We start talking and he is telling me about his ideas and 5 year plan ect. Said the scary thing was that he wondered if we would be together in 5 years. I said why do you think that? He said that he has not felt close to me the last few weeks (I am on anti-dep for PND so it has not been easy living with me but I am getting the help I need and trying to be me again). I agreed that we have not been as close. We got in bed and cuddled up and I said well if we keep going the way we are and not doing something about it then there is a possibility we wont make it for 5 years. I asked him if he still loved me and wanted to maybe make a plan so get close again. He said he didn't. He said he loved me, but he didn't. He wanted to leave. I was shocked as 30 min before we were in the shower together and talking about our date the next night! We talked and cried and he ended up back in bed with me. He kissed me and I cried thinking maybe it was the last time we would kiss. He came home from work early on Fri to talk. He said that he feels like he has failed at everything he has done and he knows we won't last so it would be easier to leave now. He said I deserve better, he is holding me back ect. I told him I love him for him and not what he does. I don't want him to leave. I could not live without him and I hate that guy has this hold over me but that is how it is. I think he is really confused and possibly depressed since I have been. After a lot of talking and crying we ended with the fact that we love eachother and our kids and we did want this to work so we are going to try everything we can. He said on new years eve we will decide. I had to agree with him to make him stay and work on things. He said he didn't want to hurt me anymore. I said he hasn't hurt me yet but if he left then he would.
I just hope that I have shown that this is not my DH at all. The only reason I am still head over heels for him is because I know the man I married and I know he is still in there and I want him back. Because he goes from one extreme to another in a matter of days is what makes me think he needs help. Last Friday we went out and were like love puppies making everyone sick watching us! Then the next friday he wants to leave? I can't make him get help and talk to someone unless he realizes there is a problem and wants help.
So what do I do? What if he decides to leave New years? How can I get him help without pushing him? Otherwise we have a perfect relationship. We hardly argue and we love our kids. We laugh all the time, and we enjoy time together, we just dont much time with 2 kids under 2. I am so confused...
Thanks for reading and sorry so long again!