To cut a long story short, dh left me with 2 small children just before Xmas. We rowed continuously for months but I clung on and asked him to come back to me and the dds. Threatened to move away and that seemed to hit home he wouldn't see dd's very often so decided he would make a go of it. Things were going great and he then hit me with another bombshell that he had been keeping in touch with an ex for the last 8 yrs of our marriage!(I had no idea whatsoever!) but says they are only friends! Found a text message saying "he missed her xx" and I went mad! Again said they were only friends! I wanted him back so I said I would trust him on the proviso he made no effort to contact her. A few weeks down the line he decided to move back in and things were great.
Things seem to have dwindled and he seemed to be hiding his phone from me (something he never did previously). So sent his ex a text telling her to have him or leave him alone - which she forwarded straight to him and I got hold of first! Phoned her to have the phone put down on me twice when I asked what was going on and then had a blazing row with him and told him to leave. He told me not to touch his phone and refused to delete her number from it telling me not to rule his life!
I really want to make a go of the marriage but she is eating at my insides and its driving me potty! I suppose its the fact that he has kept a secret from me for 8 years when he knew how I would feel about it, but he chose to carry on anyway! I phoned her partner, who basically said his relationship was rock solid and he wasn't going to tell her who she could and couldn't speak to!
I have since found texts saying that she would always be there for him, that he has to do whats best for him and the dd's, shall she tell me what I want to hear etc. and asking him for his works tel. no. I also noticed that he has deleted her nos from his phone (perhaps to stop me contacting her????) I get the impression that they are going to tell me that they are not speaking to each other but will continue to do it behind my back via his work which I will know nothing about! So I will continue the rest of my marriage with her in the background! I do not want a third party in my marriage - friend or not because I find their texts unacceptable! She seems to have some sort of hold over him - coming across as this wonderful caring friend when his wife is a miserable bitch at home! How do I get rid of her?
Do you think I am being paranoid about nothing and just blowing everything out of proportion here? Or am I justified in thinking there is more to this than they are both letting on?
I have asked him to come back for the last time because my dd's are really suffering and have left him to mull it over for a few days and then make his decision. But, I'm so scared that if he comes back this time that I will not be able to let go of the thought that he will still be hiding his relationship/friendship with her again for the rest of my marriage. How do I begin to try and trust what he says to me and how do I push her out of my mind to make a real go of the marriage?
Any advice please?