what is the 'split' re housework in your family please?

[sleeplessinstretford]

I am sahm,i get up every day first and make packed lunches for all and see my dd1 out the door to school.DH has breakfast with the baby and goes to work.
i do all the day childcare,meal planning,shopping for food,washing (but not ironing and putting away clothes as he does that) i do'organising' ie sort money/insurance/bills/clothing the kids etc also i take both kids out at least 3times a month (so he gets a free day/afternoon at weekend even if i just go to my mums with them)
DP does evening meal and washing up i would say 5 out of 7 evenings,he also washes up and then does bath and bed for the baby (i do stories and her hair) at weekend we split cooking and do 'big house clean' ie floors etc.
someone on another thread asked why i am acting as his pa. i reckon i get a good deal-how does it work for you lot? just interested (given he works full time and i erm am at home with the baby)

I am a SAHM with dd (2) and pg with next. DH works full time. Here is our split:

Getting dd up: Me, if I'm lucky I'll get 2 short lie ins a week

Cleaning: The cleaner I do the interim tidying and cleaning

Shopping and Cooking: Me, no respite, always me

Washing up: Me, occasionally dh will do some

Bins out: Dh since I got pg, but it takes reminding

Bathing dd and bedtime routine: Me, but dh runs her bath

Ironing: dh irons his own shirts, I dont iron

laundry: Me, dh will occasionally hang it out for me if I ask

Admin: Mostly dh, I do some like paying the milkman and i like to keep my eye on the finances!

I do NOT consider this a 50:50 split, I work much more hours than dh in my domestic duties and he knows it. He is pretty lazy but extremely appreciative and would happily pay for more help regarding childcare and domestic stuff, but its unlikely that the help would come from him directly! Bah! A bit of a raw nerve here too

Dh and I both work full time and have 2 kids. Neither of us is lazy or believes in certain roles for male/female. We just do whatever needs doing. Noone shirks.
I could not live with a man who thought housework was down to me and had to be asked to do stuff (shudder).

dh:
earns the money (works f/t)
Cooks maybe twice a week
runs the hoover round when threatened
does all the DIY/car stuff
cuts the lawn (I hate, hate,hate)
will occassionally put the washing out/mop the floor

I do everything else: most childcare, all organizing, school stuff and bills, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing and the rest of the gardening. i am a FT student but in the middle of my long hol at the moment so i have more time at home to do all this stuff.
When i am at uni, I would like him to help out more but the problem isn't that he is unwilling/unable he just doesn't have the same standards as I do and if we left it to him sheets would get done once a month and we would all run out of knickers regularly.

I'm not unhappy with the division but I reckon dh will have to step it up when i graduate and am back to working FT. either that or we will get a cleaner, gardener and ironing service to do the grunt work for us.

I work fewer hours than my partner, and at the moment am based from home. He works full-time, outside the house.

I do more child-related stuff, like sorting out playdates and cheques and homework and after school activities. I usually give them tea in the week.

He does their breakfast in the week. And at weekends, actually now I think of it. The rest we split.

He has just come through to do his ironing, in fact.

I work 3 days a week, DH works full time. DD is in reception. I take her and pick her up at 3 on my 2 days 'off' so she's not stuck in school clubs from 8 til 6 every day.

DH:

Empties the bins (if he remembers)
Fills the dishwasher and if I start to empty it will help out of guilt
Gets DD up, gives her breakfast and drops her off on my 3 working days.
Changes lightbulbs (if pointed at the cupboard, which is obviously intermittently invisible as he can never find anything in there without being led by the nose)
Removes spiders
Brings me tea in bed on my 3 working days
Puts DD to bed if I'm too tired
Bathes DD if he really, really has to
Washes his own shirts
Does massive emergency drains-up cleaning if we have company coming over (with much swearing)
Has DD on a Saturday morning for as long as I want to lie in (which these days isn't long as he falls asleep on the sofa around 9ish and she comes up to tell me he's snoring)

I:
Gardening/lawn mowering(badly)
tidy up (desultorily)
hoover (occasionally)
dust (at least twice a year)
sort out recycling
shopping/keeping tabs on what we're low on
putting shopping away
pick DD up from school every day
take DD to church to give him a lie in on Sunday
arrange DD's social life
buy all presents/cards/gifts and keep social diary
do all party planning/social organising
change the beds
run all the errands
deliver/collect the dry cleaning
do the washing except for his shirts
order takeout and taxis (for someone with a high-powered job he's strangely allergic to the phone at home)
all cooking except cereal and toast provision
change the loo roll
change the kitchen roll
clean the cooker
make DD's packed lunches for holiday club
lay out DD's clothes for the days he takes her to school (otherwise I get delayed for work by him fannying around looking for socks)
iron the odd item if absolutely necessary
pay the bills that aren't Direct Debits

He is seriously shit at cooking if it's not heating up frozen stuff (seriously - he's done it twice 'properly' and I can still taste curried shepherd's pie with every herb in the cupboard tipped into the mash....) so I don't mind the cooking side of things.

In fact, as I have 2 'free' days a week, I don't mind doing most of it. What irks me most is his complete disengagement of brain when it comes to the house stuff - he wasn't like this when I met him, and I'm not particularly efficient, so it's not like it's easier for him to let me do it - but somehow if I don't know where his socks are/don't do things 'right' (ie have DD ready to go out on time, despite the fact I've had to get her, myself and whatever baggage we're carrying ready) it's somehow MY fault...

I work 1 day a week, so most of the stuff falls to me, however dp will do anything that I ask him to, I actually don't mind housework and see it as when he is at work, I am also at work in the house so to speak.

When he comes home, its shared, unless he's had a crappy day and I generally take over (not that there's much left to do).

He always does bedtime and the kitchen if i've made the dinner. He often takes ds out for a couple of hours in the evening to give me some peace a couple of times a week.

I deal with all the money, bills etc.

I do see it as my job, however if I worked more hours etc, I would certainly expect it to be shared.

If it works for you, then don't listen to what other people say.
I do enjoy housework (yes im weird) so I do it, I hate ironing, so don't do that.

Food shopping - generally him, although I will assist as necessary

Washing up - him, with occasional me if I've been doing some fun cooking

Cooking - prob more him than me, 65/35

General boring organising life - me

Cleaning - me, as I decided I could do a better job than our previous cleaner

Laundry - both of us will put it in and hang it out, although bizarrely it's always me that puts it away

Ironing - I do my stuff, he does his or can organise an ironing service if he gets his arse in gear

Gardening - me, but it's my hobby, so this hardly counts!

Paying bills - me

Organising building work - me

DIY - me with occasional help from him for large jobs

Cat - him

Basically he does the food related stuff and looks after the cat, and I do the rest.

Husband does finance/ admin/ car stuff etc

I do all childcare/ shopping/ housework etc

On the whole I do more, but some of things he does take longer (like tax return). He also leaves for work at 7am and gets in at 8pm. I wouldn't expect him to do housework at that time, but bizarrely, it's acceptable for me to cook and clean up til 9pm.

Both of us work full time. He works nights and I work days. When we moved in together we put all the chores on paper into a hat and pulled out one each, until the had gone, figuring that the object was to get the chores done asap so that we could have fun after.
Its evolved since then; therefore I get the kids up, fed, washed and to school (although dd is 14 so I don't actually wash her)
He picks ds up from school and dd if the bus doesn't come.
He cooks the evening meal and does the dishes so I do breakfast and packed lunch meals and dishes.
I wash the nets and curtains ... he cleans the windows.
I strip the beds and wash the linen, there fore he mows the lawn,
I do the washing so he irons.
I hoover and dust every day so he cleans the car.
I do the bills and finance, as we have only a mortgage as debt, and every bill is Direct debit to come out of our account the day after payday, 'tis simple. - he does the dustbin.
I clean the cooker, he cleans the toilet.
Food shopping we go together.
Sounds ok, until we get to: I clean, buy the food and feed the 2 snakes, 1 cat, 3 birds, 4 ferrets, 3 hamsters and feed the dog. He walks the dog. I would rather walk the dog than have to clean out the animals.

Happy households shake it down to roughly everyone doing the tasks they are good at and avoiding the ones they hate or are rubbish at or, if the task is a particularly icky one, taking turns.
THe simple way to check whether things are organised fairly in your household is: do both parents get the same amount of child-free, chore-free time each week? Sometimes if one parent is SAHP then the other one might bleat that the SAHP has plenty of time to read the papers, lunch with friends, nap, MN and all that while the WOHP should be pampered and allowed to play when the paid work is done for the week. However, very few jobs don't allow for and indeed involve a fair amount of time scratching one's arse, staring out of the window and going to the pub and quarrelling over who ate the last biscuit. Whereas the SAHP might not spend her days scrubbing the floor but she still can't just get her hair done or phone a mate for a gossip without being clutched at with jammy paws or shrieked at...

i must admit i get zilch time (save an hour in the day when the baby is asleep)which i generally sort the shite that has accumulated over the morning/lunch pots/eat my lunch/watch jeremy kyle on itv2/do emails/go for a wee without having a toddler trying to 'do a dab' (usually mid flow)
i know he has half an hour from finishing work where he walks home with his ipod on,smoking a fag and drinking a coffee-i never get a day off at weekend either,he'll take her to the park for an hour but i'll do a 'pack the kids up and go out at 9.30 and come home in time for tea' which has literally never happened.

I work 25 hours and my husband works 40. I cook every night, all the washing, do all the finances and do all cleaning. I dont like my husband doing anything and prefer doing it all myself but he is always asking. I like things done my way and prefer doing it as I like it. We have an 18 month old and she attends the nursery I work at so we are together 24/7.

I might be a sadcase but I love the cooking and cleaning and dont want to share! I get wound up when he tries to do any of it and we fight over him trying to do it rather than not doing it! My husband is used to looking after himself and I wind him up sometimes but I try and do it all before he gets in so he cant try and do any of it.

I get up at 7 then do breakfast for my daughter, play with her, then hoover,do any budgets and meals plans and washing up from night before. We get in shower together and I get us both dressed, do laundry and hang it out or take to dry down laundrette. Then she starts nursery at 12. I have 1 hour free to eat and do food shops and go to pay all bills. Then work 1 - 6 every day and then home put her to bed. My husband then comes home and I do tea, then ironing, then relax.

It sounds like you have a good split to me.

Hubby works 12 hour shifts 4-6 days a week. I am a SAHM.

When he's at work I do most things. He's out at 6:30 most mornings and back at 7:30. He comes home and puts the kids to bed.

When he's off work we share childcare. He'll help out with housework/cooking. He gets up with the kiddies letting me have a lie in. Occasionally I get up with them to give him a break but he offers to do this.

Bins is his only actual job. lol

When I go back to work, we may share things out more evenly.

I am the only adult in the house, I do everything.
I am getting a cleaner in September

Before we split up, ex worked long long hours and I am part-time (20 hrs).
I did the vast majority of the work involved in running the household - cleaning, laundry (although I didn't do his ironing), majority of shopping (food, kids needs etc), all finances, legals etc. I also did the bulk of the childcare when he was home.
Ex did any diy, lawn mowing and heavy gardening.
We both cooked.
When he was home we shared doing bath and bedtime, taking it in turns.
We also took it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend.

Over the last year then DH and I have started to take it in turns to do DD bath/story/bed and it has made a big difference to me. I've now got into running far more and am able to go out on those evenings when I don't do the bath.

Other than that, DH does the bins (once reminded) and irons his shirts and that's about it. Although I do get a weekend lie-in while he dozes on the sofa while DD watches TV, for which I'm enormously grateful.

At the moment he's on summer holidays (teacher) and I leave him lists of stuff such as to pick up prescriptions, empty dishwasher, load washing machine etc etc but all the thinking and brain space and stuff is done by me. I must admit I really don't like being in charge!

I am also a SAHM.
I do everything in the house, my husband does the garden-unless I can be bothered.
I cook at midday for self & children, husband eats at work.
He usually cooks at the weekend.

Sunshine
I'm not saying you are wrong cos it works for you and nobody is making you do it all but seriously...you sound like a perfectionist of the highest order! Not criticising...but your life sounds very different from mie how do you find time to MN?

Kat2907 - There is always time if you just have one child I think. It will probably get harder when we start having more kids. There are only 3 of us and if you have worked with kids then 1 kid is nothing I look after about 25 a day!

I am only young so I have a lot of energy for it. I just channel the energy I used to use for clubbing in to my daily life lol! I can fit it all in between the hours of 7am and 7.30pm on the weekday.Then I have the rest of the night to relax and usually go to bed about 11ish.

We only have a 2 bed flat and I dont have a car. I just walk with the buggy to work and the shops and its only about a mile away. We have a communal area garden so neither of us has to do gardening.

Take it MN means Mums Net? I dont really it was the first time I came on here yesterday as someone I know mentioned it and the girls were talking about something they had seen on this forum. I dont like spending a lot of time on the net as its a waste of time. Just bout 10 mins in the morn whilst my daughter sleeps for about half hour so I can grab a drink. I usually just check facebook and internet banking. I have never been on an internet forum before! I just had a flick through to see what she was on about lol

I'm sahm mums, he works fulltime.

Me - shopping, meal planning, cooking household admin(ie, phone calls, bills, ds nursery stuff, appts), clean bathrooms. some washing (he doesn some too). mine and ds's ironing,clean floors, dusting, some hoovering

Him, puts bins out, gardening, hoovering (when asked, eventually), own ironing, some washing

I'm SAHM and p/t student.

DH works at a school.

DH and I split who gets up with DD to give her breakfast 50/50, we try to give each other equal lie-ins when the opportunities arise.

DH does dinner cooking and a lot of the shopping for it.

DH does the hoovering.

DH and I split the dishes 50/50.

DH maintains the computer.

I do the laundry.

I clean the bathroom.

I do the dusting.

I do the majority of the childcare.

I deal with most of the paperwork.

I tidy the house etc.

I think we have a very equitable arrangement.

I work 3 days a week and DH 4 and most weekends one of us will have an extra shift on top.

He does mornings, I do late nights.
He is hopeless at filing but does most of the DIY.

Other than that we just get on and do what needs to be done. Some weeks I do more, some him. At the moment while I'm pregnant again he is doing more, cooks most days and does the cleaning and ironing. When he is doing long shifts or revising for exams I do it, and vice versa.

Works for us but we've never had a strict segregation of tasks.

Sleepless - I think you have a great set up and the split seems very fair.

DH works FT and long hours
I am SAHM

He loads dishwasher most evenings, takes the bins out and cooks dinner about 50% of the time.

I do everything else. Including all childcare. On weekdays DH leaves before DC wake up and is home after they are in bed.

On weekends we split childcare - do lots of things together as a family.
No housework is really done at weekends apart from dishwasher after eating meals and thats split.

We both work, him f/t, me p/t. My hours are not that much shorter than f/t. When we are at work, we pretty much split 50/50. We each cook evening meal, he makes packed lunches, housework is more orless shared: he tidies and hoovers, I clean. He irons. I do washing. Gardening is him. Decorating is mostly me. Shopping is done together. When I am not at work,( school hols etc), I do more but he still does a lot, bless him. And if I am unwell, he will just do it all until I am able to take it on again. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have him.

Message withdrawn

Me and DW both work at home.

I do 100% of cooking, 100% of DIY, 90% of cleaning and 50% of ironing. DW does 100% of washing and 100% of food shopping on the internet but I am taking that off her as I do the cooking and want to have control of the menu and provisions ordering.

We share childcare equally.