If a man reaches the age of 45 without children or marriage....

[elliott]

is he a lost cause?

Just speculating really as someone I know is in this position, and claims to want children. He also hates being single and has had a string of relatively long term relationships. Trouble is he never seems to be able to make the final step to commit - too much committed to his 'art' and fears having to compromise I think (as well as having to make money - currently struggles to feed his mortgage let alone any dependents...)

But then I read threads about people having mid-life crises and basically running away from their commitments and I think, well, as least he hasn't messed anyone else's life up, he hasn't left a string of divorced women or fatherless children, or a wife who has to do everything and is effectively a single parent...

So, do you think he's likely to find love and family life and live happy ever after or best to live as a rolling stone forever ...

but the impetus to have children will come from him,if he wants to.being vocationally driven maybe he has not found it a priority

elliott - no, I didn't think you were - it's your thread after all.....

Yes, I'm very glad to have met him and our daughter is a huge blessing...

I think that your brother is probably now waking up to a few not-so-nice facts about life and that he may start to change a few things....

lemony,anniversaries are so hard.something you get through but dont get over. do take care.berevements are like joining a club you never wanted to,being forced to endure certain circumstances.all the time wanting to shout i dont want this

2years is very recent,raw in fact

I am so sorry Lemony.

My ex has relationships that last around 3 years, or less if the lucky lady gets antsy earlier. I know of three before me and have seen two since.

He loves the sex on tap relationship, but for him, commitment equals loss of independence.

It fair breaks my heart to meet these women (we're still friends somehow) - I want to say don't bother, run, he's a bad bet, but who would listen to the ex?

He's 43, still quite hot looking, fun and sexy. He still gets women. But in a few years he'll start looking like a dirty old man cruising for sex (I hope ).

could be that he hasn't met the right woman.

or he's a commitment phobe

or he's got a fundamental problem which means no self-respecting woman would stay with him long term.

I think sometimes people think The One will hit them between the eyes and then they'll KNOW and it will all be easy.

Whereas in practice you have to compromise a bit usually.

Waiting for The One can mean never realising that someone you do already know could also be The One with a bit of give and take...

I read somewhere once something that really struck a chord with me.

Women see getting married and having kids as a natural progression of a good relationship. Most women have a (conscious or sub-conscious) time line in mind, ie date for a year, live together for a year, get married and have kid no1 a year later.

Men see getting married and having kids as a life stage that they go through. If he feels he has achieved what he wants in his career, if all of his friends are getting married, if he is the age his father was when he got married... So for a guy, the age he is ready to commit is more about everything else that is going on in his life, rather than the woman he is with.

That's why quite often you hear about these guys who were with someone for years and years and the year after they break up, they get married to someone they have been with for 6 months.

I might be totally off track here, but this sounds like what is going on for this guy. He doesn't feel stable in his career and finances, so its never been the right time to get married.

My brother is a lost cause, he will be 40yrs old next year. Has NEVER had a girlfriend as he is not interested, he is not interested in men either, he does not want children ever and basically i think he should have been a hermit

ah but ripeberry at least he is happy with what he (doesn't) have! Mine is in a state of inner turmoil and confusion...he may be nearly 50 but his mental age is probably closer to 15!