This is such a long story so I'll try and keep it short - H and I have 2 small dc's, and moved away from our old town when dc1 was tiny. I had a good job and a big circle of friends, and was sorry to leave that, but thought it would mean a lovely new life in the countryside with our new little family.
It was fine for about 6 months until H got a great job offer where we used to live, which gave us the opportunity to clear our mortgage in a few years. It meant him working away but we decided to go for it as it was such a great chance for him, and ultimately for all of us.
Fast forward a couple of years and dc2 arrived, H was still working away more than ever and I was feeling more and more isolated and unhappy, despite making lots of friends in our new area. The job opportunities for me just aren't here and my family and oldest friends are a very long way away. DC1 also had some health issues, which have been very hard to deal with alone. I tried to tell H how I was feeling but nothing seemed to change and I became so exhausted it was hard to see a way out.
Last weekend I had a call from the husband of H's work colleague, a woman who I knew he'd been friends with for a long time. He basically told me an affair had been going on for some weeks, and sent me transcripts of texts to back it up. I knew this woman had cheated on her H previously, as my H had told me about it some time ago. I'd always had a healthy suspicion of her, but H had always said they were just friends. I've never had any reason to disbelieve him before.
The texts, although not sexual, are very affectionate, and refer to a night which she spent in his hotel room (after lying to her H about where she was) when they were apparently talking about the problems in her marriage. H swears blind to me (and his mother!) that there has been no physical relationship, and he's never been known to lie to me before, but fully admits that he knew I would not have been happy with anyone visiting his room, and that he should have told me. He also admits that the line has been crossed in terms of sending affectionate texts.
Where the hell do we go from here? My reaction on finding this out was to leave immediately with the dc's and stay at a friends. This shocked H to the core, as I've never done anything like this before. I couldn't speak to him for 24 hours but then he came to see me, and there actually felt like there may be a way back. I'm now back at home, but have told him I consider us separated. There is lots of talking to do.
What do I do now? He's already spoken to the woman to clear the air and I'm certain he's not planning on leaving for her - he's certainly had the chance. He's also agreed that we need to move house, but hasn't really given me as much reassurance as I feel I need to carry on our marriage. Am so very confused. I still love him, but feel he's really neglected us for the past couple of years and with this on top I'm not sure if we can get past it.