I am in a massive pickle and don't know what to do for the best

[worried27]

I have put myself in a silly position and I don't know what to do for the best. I'll try to be neutral and not too emotional as I really need some advice please.

I have been unlucky and had lots of redundancies, as much as I'd like a long term job it has never seemed to happen. After the last one DP said there was a job going at his (small) office which I'd be great at. I know now it was doomed to be a bad idea but I applied for it, and got it. I can't really afford to be out of a job (who can) so it seemed like the only option.

Well, it was a big mistake. The senior manager took a huge dislike to me and proceeded to make my life hell (bullying, intimidation etc), the relationship with DP is quite frankly terrible now (he says he is piggy in the middle re the Manager, and that the fact that he doesn't like me has made DP look bad in the company as he was the one who introduced me), and now me and DP are barely on speaking terms.

I realise I've made a stupid mistake and don't know what to do for the best. I can't leave as I need the money. I can't split with DP as it's a small office and it will be hell. I think if I left it might improve things with DP but then that would look bad on him (the person he introduced wasn't up to scratch) and so he might not want to carry on seeing each other, and if I did leave I might not find a job for months, who knows?

I have tried to talk to DP at the weekend and he said things would change but it was all talk and he is still really moody to me, in and out of work. To be honest I wonder if he wants to dump me but feels he can't because of the fall-out at work. I have a review meeting with the manager this afternoon which I am dreading (last time he made me cry, and I am not a weak person!)

So I am in an absolute mess, and don't know what to do for the best. Any ideas please? Thanks

Agree with solid and lyn but I know you will be thinking of the repercussions for you not so dp now, but you really do need to look after yourself because no one else has over this including him.
Good luck

Further to what I said just now, I'd think twice about leaving so easily. Have you signed anything? I think your relationship is doomed and they are standing on thin ice. I'd be holding out for them to suggest a compromise agreement or some other sort of settlement here as you are not in the wrong and the way he spoke to you was really very poor.

I have worked for several of these nasty bullies and you never win against them so I think it is good for you that you are leaving. It would have really knocked your confidence if you had stayed.
As for your DP. Now you are out of the job I think you need to seriously re-evaluate this relationship. Maybe you should seek some counselling to figure out why you are settling for such shoddy treatment from this man. He has treated you appallingly imo and the fact that you ended up feeling that you had failed him speaks volumes.

No I didn't get a pay off or anything, I haven't been here long enough. TBH I am just relieved to be out of here, if I could go today then I would. I probably will temp in the short term just to get some money in, but this time I am going to take some time and think about what I really want to do.

Re the DP, I don't want to say anything to him this week while we still have to work together. I am just going to leave it and not say anything. If he wants to bring up 'the discussion' then he can but I am not going to bring it up (yet), but nor am I going to do my usual thing of asking when we are next going out etc. Call me a coward if you want and I probably am but I just can't face the conversation

Yes back off a bit and let him come to you.
You are worth it.

My employment law is out of date & a bot rusty, but I'm not sure you need a certain length of service to have been constructively dismissed (maybe someone more up to date could correct me).

I can see you want to be out of there, but I'd probably pretend to be taking it further just for the hell of it. That SM needs to learn a lesson

You should take this further - this is really constructive dismissal. You have only agreed to go because you couldn't stand the bullying you were receiving from a Manager. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this, and HR shouldn't have dealt with this in this way.

The minimum they should do is pay you something to leave and have it as a compromise agreement - be very careful with them sending out an email saying you have left due to contract coming to an end - if you agree to this it covers them incase you do decide to take it further (i.e. look she left due to her contract being up, not because of anything else).

From what you have said, any solicitor would love to take on this case for you as its a certain win. Any court would rule this as unfair or constructive dismissal.

Please go and see a solicitor and at least get some money out of them for this - it isnt your fault you are without job and income and why should you suffer due to him bullying you out of work.

As for DP....dump him too!

Sorry, I am at this.

I know I could take it further but really I just don't want the hassle, I want to forget it all!

I have still not said anything to P (I don't think he deserves the 'D' any more after his complete lack of support). This morning though at home I took our pics down and put his stuff away. Just a small step to the eventual outcome I suppose.

I wish you well Worried.

I know it is no consolation but I think you were a bit fortunate finding out this way that your "D" P was this weak.