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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it okay just to be unhappy?

56 replies

ABitWrong · 22/07/2009 21:14

I have told my partner of nearly 15 years that I want to break up.
He didn't want to. He wanted to sort things out, said he would do anything.
He is now being extra nice to the children, so IF he gets to the point of actually moving out, and the children are upset....well, it is all my fault, isn't it?
It is just me.
Because I really don't want to do this any more.
Is that selfish?

OP posts:

pinkspottywellies · 23/07/2009 17:02

I don't like calling you ABitWrong. It feels a bit wrong. You need a new, strong-independent-woman-moving-onwards-and-being-happy-type name please. When you're ready

womblingalong · 23/07/2009 17:59

Good on you for actually saying what you want to him. You've been unhappy for a long time, and now you have let your feelings out into the open. Well done, I can only imagine how difficult it was to do.

Children are not stupid, they are aware of, and pick up, much more than we realise, IME. I knew my parents weren't happy together from a really young age (2 or 3). It took them until I was 18 to spearate, and 24 to get divorced. It is so much better having them as parents apart, not together. It is not easy or pleasant for Children to be caught up in the dynamics of a relationship that is not working. You, and they, can get through the fallout, but it will take time.

It is the right thing for all of you, to move on, and I think that, deep down you know it. However, it can't just 'happen' miraculously. You need to go through the process to get what you want, and what will make you all happier in the long run.

womblingalong · 23/07/2009 18:18

I agree with LR, you deserve to be happy. And his behaviour was/is shocking TBH.

It already sounds like you are a single mum most of the time, so life might not be that different, and you might get some space for you.

littlerach · 23/07/2009 18:41

Absoltley Wombling.

You do everyhting already.
Nothing will change in that respect.

But you will be happier, if that's what you want (him ot go)and you are so lovely you really need ot be happy

Original poster

ABitWrong · 23/07/2009 18:48

I do sort of know it is the right thing, but I feel so unjustified.

Pink, compared to some of my crisis names, this is positively positive!!
I will go back to my usual in a while.

OP posts:

FrayedKnot · 24/07/2009 10:53

Am going to message you on FB, ABW

((((((())))))

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