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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

does this make me a whore??

50 replies

imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 09:51

Im sad

18 years ago I was a young 17 yr old girl,my friends and I used to go to a nightclub in town-I kind of used to knock about with a bouncer from the club-no sex,just snogging and stuff,this went on for a while and then I found out he had a gf so it stopped.

Shortly after in a drunken stupor I lost my virginity to another man (a bouncer)-to me in my youth everyone was doing it,i was just in that circle and that was the way it went,unfortunately his mates burst in after wed 'done it'and whilst I was embarassed,I im my young self assured way just left and whilst I did speak to him I was never up for a repeat.

Shortly after I met another bloke he was almost 20 years older than me,we have been together 17 years and have 3 dc -unfortunately he too was a bouncer ....and he was at the same club and he saw the incident above.

He knew this before we started dating.

The first man i describe we used to see quite often and he always says he loves me even in front of everyone and dh always says well there you go,shes mine and its a bit of a laugh.(hes even told dh i would never sleep with him).

Well last night we went out on a rare occasion in the pub we saw one of the old team - I dont particularly like him but I was pleasant- well youve guessed it!! he then went on to describe me a promiscuos!!! dh went to the loo and i bollocked this bloke who admitted himself it was nearly 20 years ago i wasnt with dh then and dh knew about it,he hadnt meant to say it but cos he was 'pissed' it just came out .

Dh came back and things were ok.

when we got home he had a go at me and called me a whore and now im dreading today.

I didnt hurt anyone only myself and dh knew all about this before we started its not fair bring it up,I think he should have just said to the bloke 'stop right there it was 20 years ago things change'.

OP posts:
Original poster
imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 09:54

bump -come on support me before dh gets up.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 19/07/2009 09:54

no you aren't a whore

why on earth would your DH call you that?

seems like an utter over reaction to an incident which happened 20 years ago

the other bloke sounds like a prize idiot

mrsmerryweather · 19/07/2009 09:56

I don't think you need anyone here to tell you that you are not a slapper- it was 20 years ago and you have been faithful to your DH for 18 years.

It's his problem- and looks like he is angling for a row.

littlelamb · 19/07/2009 09:56

O please. So you slept with a man once before your dh. Not a whore at all. Hopefully he had had one too many and will apologise this morning

TotalChaos · 19/07/2009 09:56

agree with Ruby.

Original poster
imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 09:57

thanks rube I am a regular addict poster,I just feel so sad that one knob can cause trouble like this,I said to dh in the normal world adults are able to speak in ways that dont deliberately cause trouble- he said the other bloke is just straight talking.

Do you agree dh should have just cut him off midsentence?

OP posts:
harleyd · 19/07/2009 09:57

i would be demanding an apology from dh or he would be wearing his breakfast instead of eating it!

cornsillk · 19/07/2009 09:57

God poor you. Your dh is being really mean.

daisydora · 19/07/2009 09:58

You were young, not a whore.

Was your DH a virgin when you got together?? If not tell him to feck off and get off his moral high-horse!

cupofteaplease · 19/07/2009 09:58

OMG this was 20 years ago!

I hope your dh is ready to do some grovelling today for calling you a whore. He was probably humiliated, as nobody would want to think of their partner in that way or hear them being called rude names. However, that is his humiliation, and he should have defended you, then moved on. Very wrong to take it out on you.

rubyslippers · 19/07/2009 09:58

straight talking - pfffffffffffffft

he sounds like a drunk knobbo

Original poster
imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 09:59

mrs mw he wont row i will get the cold shoulder now for ages.

I wouldnt mind but dh was married before and has had loads of gfs before me.

Its not as though he didnt know and as hes quite a bit older than me he knew what he was getting into.

OP posts:
RorysRacingMa · 19/07/2009 09:59

Two trivial incidents 20 years ago do NOT constitute whoredom. I hope your DH was just upset and surprised about someone remembering this from so long ago.

My behaviour 20 years ago is a long way away from where i am now and i would be very hurt and upset that someone would use my behaviour then to describe me now.

Bumpety · 19/07/2009 09:59

I'm sure you know you're not a whore.. unless you made some money out of it?!

I would hazard a guess that your DH was embarrassed and lost face, which is not your fault, he owes you an apology - go kick him up the arse repeatedly until you get it!!

daisydora · 19/07/2009 09:59

DH could have cut him off, but if it was me I'd have cut the other fella off.

And then I would have left (with Dh)

LuluMaman · 19/07/2009 10:00

so you've been married for 20 years and because you slept with someone before you were with DH , you are a whore?

what a disgraceful attitude

nasty, insulting, jealous streak

he owes you an unreserved apology

did he not have other girlfriends before you?

Original poster
imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 10:01

The other bloke told us about 20 times he was divorced so I think hes bitter, also he was keen not to let his gf overhear me blollock him.

OP posts:
Mamazon · 19/07/2009 10:03

Unless he can tell you he was a virgin when you met tell him its none of his buisness.

you slept with one man and kissed another, either you have missed out the part where they paid you for those services you are not a whore.

he however is a wanker for throwing previous relationships, however brief back at you 20 years later.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/07/2009 10:03

No you are most certainly not a whore.

Your Dh new about your previous encounter with the other bouncer he is being completely unreasonable, to call you such names.

Was he drunk when he called you names last night? Is he insecure?
Was he pure as the driven snow when you met?

mrsruffallo · 19/07/2009 10:05

Wouldn't matter if you slept with 50 men before DH it still doesn't make you a whore
What an idiot to call his wife of 20 years that.
Your DH should have sprung to your defence, not berated you.
He's be the one getting the cold shoulder in this house

Cesario · 19/07/2009 10:07

Does you dh give you the cold shoulder regularly?

Original poster
imnotaslapper · 19/07/2009 10:11

No he can be just v moody.

Its spoilt what had so far been a nice weekend.

I can see that hed be upset but he knew about it and has done for all these years.

Ive never been unfaithful to him.

OP posts:
RealityIsGettingMarried · 19/07/2009 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RealityIsGettingMarried · 19/07/2009 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LuluMaman · 19/07/2009 10:25

this is all back to front

your husband called you a whore, because you slept with someone else before you and he were married, and your husband is upset ?!?!?! WTF?

he is being ridicolous
he cannot use this as a stick to beat you with, it happened before you were married

you ahve given him 2 decades of faithful marraige, and now he gives you the cold shoulder for this

what a twunt

he should be on his knees grovelling for being so insulting and rude and asking for your forgiveness