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Original poster

Text relationships. Why?

65 replies

critterjitter · 17/07/2009 22:31

Does anyone have any thoughts on why a man may choose to text a woman (sometimes up to 50 a day coming in so fast that I can't read them quickly enough) rather than talk to her or meet her? There are sometimes long gaps between texting sessions, sometimes they are daily.

Also has frequently made plans to meet, but then pulls out at the last minute, giving various reasons. Then leaves it a while and asks to meet again.

I've obviously thought about there being another woman on the scene. But, just wondered if anyone had any other thoughts/ideas or could expand on the other woman thing.

Thanks!

OP posts:
PixiNanny · 18/07/2009 16:57

Tell him to ither grow up and get over the texting (it is very childish imo, and I'm only just out of the teen years lol), or to move on as you can't be bothered to continue the ridiculous activity. I personally dislike texting though, and usually phone people instead of texting.

Yurtgirl · 18/07/2009 17:00

He sounds like my XH critter - dump immediately he is probably married and after an ego boast cos he is nearly 40

MummyDragon · 18/07/2009 17:03

If he genuinely liked you and wanted to see you, he would see you. Sorry, but there 'tis. Do not respond to any more texts from him.

mustrunmore · 18/07/2009 17:05

No, sounds more like habit than having a woman on the scene. Likes texting, finds it easy to text rather than not being able to use phone at work etc. Likes the idea of a romance/fling, sex thing. But obviously either too scared for the real thing, or something.

Original poster
critterjitter · 18/07/2009 17:11

Definitely NOT married. Used to be and is now divorced.

I'm not the sort of person who a man would approach for an ego boost either. Any texts from me are quite straightforward and factual. I did say to him that perhaps one of the reasons he might find me quite hard to understand might be that he only has my texts to go on........

OP posts:
mustrunmore · 18/07/2009 17:22

Lol, think yourself lucky; I was told my texts are far better than the real me

Tbh, I'd take it as a challenge, to get him to actually interact with you in the real world! But I always fall for the the-more-you-cant-have-the-more-you-want.

Original poster
critterjitter · 18/07/2009 17:42

mustrunmore

Must admit that I'm losing heart and interest with all the texts and plans to meet that always fall apart. I'm surprised he managed to get his act together enough to get married before, perhaps it was just a cyber marriage!

Just wanted to know if anyone could put another slant on it (apart from the other woman idea which I've thought through loads of times).

OP posts:
nkf · 18/07/2009 17:43

He's got a lot of time on his hands and is too nervous/already committed/shut off for a real relationship with a real woman.

MadameOvary · 18/07/2009 17:48

Oh really, dont waste a second more on him.
Mega-texting is a big red flag - they prefer the distance because they cant cope with a real relationship.

Its yawnsville. Dump the loser and find an adult.

mustrunmore · 18/07/2009 18:01

How old is he btw? Or did I miss that bit of info?

Original poster
critterjitter · 18/07/2009 19:19

Nearly 40 - as someone very accurately guessed before!

OP posts:
cheerfulvicky · 18/07/2009 20:04

You can spend ages trying to get inside the head of someone like that, and it can be intriguing trying to work them out. But ultimately he has issues that it's unreasonable for you to put up with. If you and he were a good match and he were genuinely up for a proper relationship, you simply wouldn't be having to jump through these silly hoops and wonder what the hell he's playing at. He would be there, available and talking to you to your face, making an effort because he really cared. You hopefully wouldn't even be posting on here because you'd both be off somewhere else doing lovely unmentionable things. Now, don't you think you deserve all that, rather than a phone that peeps sporadically and tells you're a tricky one to work out, and pretty to boot. Yes, AND?!

The good thing about the free book with glamour mag is it's all about letting people be: you can't change someone just by having insight into their mental workings, and you can't make someone want to be with you if they're not bothered. Equally you can't make someone be ready for a proper, emotionally vulnerable face-to-face relationship if they are not ready. You'd be better to cut your losses and get rid now. But I know it's a puzzle, and interesting to ponder. Try not to waste any more emotional energy on this wishy washy bullshit though - get on with your life and have a good time.

Ooops, DS crying, got to run. x

Original poster
critterjitter · 18/07/2009 21:24

cheerfulvicky

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 19/07/2009 10:40

I'm still intrigued as to how you actually got to go to his house the first time. I mean, if you had never actually met him but been text-only I would have said, he's not an adult/not a man/married/covered in warts and sores (or indeed is a paid text worker).

Original poster
critterjitter · 19/07/2009 11:09

SolidGoldBrass
He invited me round - by text.

OP posts:
Devendra · 19/07/2009 13:36

Tell him you have mislaid your phone for a week or so... see how he responds and what kind of effort he makes to contact you

Original poster
critterjitter · 19/07/2009 18:07

Devendra
I would do that - but I'd need to do it by text - that's the only form of contact!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Devendra · 19/07/2009 19:43

Well ring him on his mob and tell him you have lost your phone..say you remembered his number. Give him your land line and leave it at that.

ridingjoker · 20/07/2009 08:32

does he call you..... ever? or just text?

Original poster
critterjitter · 20/07/2009 09:19

ONLY texts. Has never rung..........

OP posts:
ridingjoker · 20/07/2009 09:27

that is odd..... and you went to meet him having never heard his voice?? he could have been a she?

alarm bells ring for me here.

tealeaf · 20/07/2009 14:18

This behaviour sounds almost sinister, i would agree with the posters above, do not respond to any more texts and spend no more time thinking about him. It will only cause you stress in the long run - i experienced similar behaviour from an ex some years ago, drove me crazy. I wish i had listened to friends' advice to simply change my mobile phone number and be done with it.
Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.

SolidGoldBrass · 20/07/2009 19:27

Look, the most likely truth is that this man is fundamentally lazy, unable to make his mind up to anything, fickle and shallow. He'll text you and arrange to meet but he is texting several other women as well and will choose to spend his weekend with the one who grovels the most/is the most likely to cook and clean as well as suck cock/has something he particularly wants as well as sex and dinner.
There is a slightl possibility that it's manipulative behaviour designed to make you insecure and off balance, too.
However, the bottom line is, you haven;t invested much time in him, you can cheerfully stop responding to his texts and forget all about him and I think that's the best idea.

Original poster
critterjitter · 20/07/2009 20:46

I had met him once prior to seeing him that time. So I did know who he was! Don't want to explain the circumstances of meeting him on here, just incase there's anyone who knows me or him on here. However, the only contact since initially meeting him has been by text.

OP posts:
wickerman · 21/07/2009 21:52

move on, move on. He's playing you. Also 50 texts a day is just plain weird, does he not have a life?

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