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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I stay or go. yes, have posted before so please be patient

34 replies

togoornot · 09/07/2009 12:50

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lilacclaire · 09/07/2009 12:55

Its really up to you, but ultimately if your that unhappy, life is too short if it can't be fixed and you BOTH deserve to be happy.

How does your dh feel? Is he happy with the way things are?

yama · 09/07/2009 12:55

Doesn't sound great.

Why did you go back the twice you left?

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 12:57

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Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 12:58

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junglist1 · 09/07/2009 12:58

The negatives seem to outweigh the positives, especially regarding your injury. I can relate to numbers 1 3 5 and 8 on your list, and I'm in contact with Womenaid after 9 years of crap. If you do leave, stay alone for a while to give yourself some breathing space. What made you go back to him twice, did you miss him?

SlartyBartFast · 09/07/2009 12:58

if you are asking here you obviously don't want to.
i am sure things can be resolved/ignored.
imo

junglist1 · 09/07/2009 12:59

Typed too slowly

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/07/2009 13:00

It appears you stay for the money, or that is the only positive in your eyes.

If he came home tonight and said I have filed for divorce and packed a bag and left, how would you feel?

If he came home all sweet smelling and relaxed with flowers and a takeaway how would he feel?

If the police knocked on your door, how would you feel?

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 13:00

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Sarasue · 09/07/2009 13:01

Leave, I am saying that but really don't know, I am in same position, and really don't know what to do. think hard and if you do leave don't go back, if it isn't working maybe it never will. I have male friend who obviously loves me and would love me to leave DH and be with him but not sure I can make the break. DH has never hurt me phisically though. Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

SlartyBartFast · 09/07/2009 13:01

set the wheels in motion and then see how you feel

lilacclaire · 09/07/2009 13:02

I agree with you moving out on your own (with ds) and stay away from your dh and the other man. If you don't, you are never going to give yourself the true space you need to work out what you really want.

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 13:02

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FenellaFudge · 09/07/2009 13:14

Living in a state of uncertainty like this is awful. You need to decide and stick with it.

My opinion - which isnt worth much, we only have a tiny snapshot, you know the full picture - is that there are enough reasons to stay. But it would only work if you really gave it 100%. No more hankering after the other man, no more what if's.

I would say - and this is how I always feel about these situations - I really dont think it would be fair to take your DS straight into living with OM. He's at such a crucial age and that kind of thing is so bewildering and confusing for small children, even older children struggle.

Your relationship with OM, if thats what ou choose, should absolutely take second, third, fourth place to your sons emotional security. It'll be hard enough for him to process whats happening between mummy and daddy.

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 13:17

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Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 13:18

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FenellaFudge · 09/07/2009 13:21

Do you think dh is really dealing well with it, or could he be trying desperately to make you happy and not make demands so that maybe you'll decide to stay?

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 13:29

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sayithowitis · 09/07/2009 14:58

Hello again Mymittens/Littlemucky etc etc.
I was wondering how long it would be before you posted the same stuff again.

You have had so much advice on here in the past and yet you never, ever, take any of it. You give part of the story, all designed to make your DH look as bad as possible, but then, little by little, the rest of the story gets revealed and we discover that you are equally as violent as him, that you have such very high standards that nobody could ever live up to them and frankly, you coma across as a real attention seeker.

If you are going to continue posting your story on here, at least be open about who you are and give all the details at the start. It is not fair of you to make your Dh sound as bad as you do, and then to gradually reveal that the 'injuries' he has inlicted on you are accidents, often contributed to by your own actions.

tennisaddict · 09/07/2009 21:01

oh heck

MaDuggar · 09/07/2009 21:33

Oh its you again. With the same question as a million times before. YOu could always read your old threads, and see what advice you were offered before? Hope you find the answer you are obvioulsy looking for.

MaDuggar · 09/07/2009 21:35

and i agree with sayhowitis

Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 21:49

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Original poster
togoornot · 09/07/2009 21:51

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annh · 09/07/2009 22:46

Togootnot, of course you can post and ask for advice but you must understand that if you keep posting about the same problem and getting the same responses that people get fed up if you keep coming back again, like you hope that if you post about the problem often enough someone will tell you what you want to hear! It is also disingenuous to namechange so often because people invest time and energy answering your post only to realise down the line that they have already answered you before!