Do I stay or go. yes, have posted before so please be patient

[togoornot]

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[frazzledgirl]

Desperate? Maybe, but what is this doing to help you?

You post, again and again. You drip-feed information, again and again.

You get good advice - the same advice - again and again.

You ignore it all, namechange, and re-start the drip-feed, again and again and AGAIN.

It is maddening, to be honest.

What do you want to hear? What is the single piece of advice you're prepared to accept that you haven't heard so far?

Why can't you trust yourself to make a decision? What do you think a bunch of internet strangers can work out about your life that you can't?

I'm pretty sure you know the answer to all of these. And, annoying as I find the constant name-changing, I really hope you can find a happy solution for yourself, your DS and your DH.

And second everyone who suggests you go back through your namechanges and read the many pieces of excellent (and similar!) advice you've already had.

Good luck.

[whoisasking]

Desperate for what?

Seriously. You've had untold responses on untold threads. Some people said "Oh, that's awful, you should leave!" Some said "Oh, it sounds as if you have something you can work on, you should stay" (obv paraphrasing here)

Are you waiting for someone to swoop in and physically remove you? Or are you waiting for some help of the likes given by very lovely MNers to people in real desperation? (like money?)

[togoornot]

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[MaDuggar]

holyguacamole I believe she is already in counselling, as mentioned in older threads.

sayiyhowitis well said, I do feel for the 3 other people involved here, especially the poor DS who must be very confused by all this shuffling about & violence between his parents

[sayithowitis]

togoornot, I agree, saying he gives you a massage every night does not make your poor husband sound bad. However,you have posted more negatives than positives about him, some of the negatives are written in such a way as to make him sound particularly bad. eg. no2. You have already stated elsewhere, though not here, that this injury was something that happened as a result of you physically attacking him. it doesn't make it right, but it was not the cold blooded attack on you that you infer here. no 7. again, you have previously stated that this happened before you were involved with him and many of the posters on that thread told you then that it was more than likely shock and grief that made him act that way and in any case, it really wasn't your problem.
I really do not think it is for any counsellor to say whether someone has Asperger's, he might indeed have traits, but it is for a specialist to make the diagnosis. A counsellor is not usually medically trained and therefore has no right to make a diagnosis, or to hint at one. especially to another person, even if that is the wife.

OTOH, if he is Asperger's, that would explain a lot of his behaviours you have described. But it will also mean that he will find it very hard, if not impossible, to change some of them.

Every time you post, you ask whether you should stay with him or go. It doesn't matter what we say, only you can decide. But it is extremely unfair of you to constantly name change, (this is about the seventh change that I know of!) and ask for answers to the same old question.

I honestly do not know what you want to hear. if people tell you to leave you don't like it and if they tell you to stay you don't like it. You left him around christmas and then you were on here asking for advice about the new relationship. then you returned to Poor Husband. it appears that you have since left and returned again. in the meantime, OM is still waiting in the wings.

If you have any decency in you at all, you will leave them both, live alone with your DS for a while until you are sure what you want. What you are doing is unfair to all the men involved here, including your DS.

You really do come across as someone who is totally self absorbed,and very, very attention seeking.It alsomst seems as though you need to believe that there are several men who are desperate for you and you thrive on the power that you appear to have over them. Maybe some time alone will give you time to realise that the whole world does not revolve around you and to consider their feelings before your own for once.

[HolyGuacamole]

Jesus. MN is a place to come for advice, however sometimes you have to accept the advice you are given is unlikely to change.

Sometimes people ask advice and tend to side with people who say things that fit in with what they already want to hear and not be open to absorbing the advice they don't want to hear.

I'd maybe suggest some counselling for yourself, that might help you to get to the place that allows you to move on in your life, with or without your DH.

[coppola]

parp

[unavailable]

Good question serendipitous.

I think it means - He is a complete walkover and I can treat him like shit, but I always get away with it.

(Reading between the lines, of course)

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Could you please explain number 7 to me? Thanks

[annh]

Togootnot, of course you can post and ask for advice but you must understand that if you keep posting about the same problem and getting the same responses that people get fed up if you keep coming back again, like you hope that if you post about the problem often enough someone will tell you what you want to hear! It is also disingenuous to namechange so often because people invest time and energy answering your post only to realise down the line that they have already answered you before!

[togoornot]

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[togoornot]

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[MaDuggar]

and i agree with sayhowitis

[MaDuggar]

Oh its you again. With the same question as a million times before. YOu could always read your old threads, and see what advice you were offered before? Hope you find the answer you are obvioulsy looking for.

[tennisaddict]

oh heck

[sayithowitis]

Hello again Mymittens/Littlemucky etc etc.
I was wondering how long it would be before you posted the same stuff again.

You have had so much advice on here in the past and yet you never, ever, take any of it. You give part of the story, all designed to make your DH look as bad as possible, but then, little by little, the rest of the story gets revealed and we discover that you are equally as violent as him, that you have such very high standards that nobody could ever live up to them and frankly, you coma across as a real attention seeker.

If you are going to continue posting your story on here, at least be open about who you are and give all the details at the start. It is not fair of you to make your Dh sound as bad as you do, and then to gradually reveal that the 'injuries' he has inlicted on you are accidents, often contributed to by your own actions.

[togoornot]

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[FenellaFudge]

Do you think dh is really dealing well with it, or could he be trying desperately to make you happy and not make demands so that maybe you'll decide to stay?

[togoornot]

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[togoornot]

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[FenellaFudge]

Living in a state of uncertainty like this is awful. You need to decide and stick with it.

My opinion - which isnt worth much, we only have a tiny snapshot, you know the full picture - is that there are enough reasons to stay. But it would only work if you really gave it 100%. No more hankering after the other man, no more what if's.

I would say - and this is how I always feel about these situations - I really dont think it would be fair to take your DS straight into living with OM. He's at such a crucial age and that kind of thing is so bewildering and confusing for small children, even older children struggle.

Your relationship with OM, if thats what ou choose, should absolutely take second, third, fourth place to your sons emotional security. It'll be hard enough for him to process whats happening between mummy and daddy.

[togoornot]

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[lilacclaire]

I agree with you moving out on your own (with ds) and stay away from your dh and the other man. If you don't, you are never going to give yourself the true space you need to work out what you really want.

[SlartyBartFast]

set the wheels in motion and then see how you feel

[Sarasue]

Leave, I am saying that but really don't know, I am in same position, and really don't know what to do. think hard and if you do leave don't go back, if it isn't working maybe it never will. I have male friend who obviously loves me and would love me to leave DH and be with him but not sure I can make the break. DH has never hurt me phisically though. Good luck with whatever you decide. xx