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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Experiences of Social Services in Domestic Violence Cases

57 replies

Kazzi79 · 06/07/2009 12:52

I'm interested in hearing how people have been treated by social services in domestic violence cases witnessed by children.

Did they treat you fairly with compassion and understanding or did they hold you to blame for your children witnessing domestic violence?

All views welcome

OP posts:
lisad123 · 09/07/2009 14:37

thats terrible mamazon, stupid sw

OptimistS · 09/07/2009 14:48

SS became involved when I left my ex because of automatic police notification (I had to flee the house and called the police to get the DC out). I have to say my SW was great, very supportive, as was my HV. This may have had something to do with the fact that my SW had a particular interest in DV and my HV had attended a training course on it just 4 days earlier, so perhaps I was one of the lucky ones. I was also an 'easy' victim in the sense that I wanted to leave, welcomed their input, and never looked back from that point.

I think more training is probably needed, but I think as a society generally we have an appalling lack of awareness about the prevalence of DV and just how damaging and pervasive the conseuqences are.

I know a couple of SWs and most of them are pretty clued up on DV. They have grasped the fact that it's about control, not loss of temper, for example. I think the police are pretty good now, too. Unfortunately, it's the court system that lets it down. What's the point of the police arresting the same offender over and over and over if he only gets repeated cautions or the CPS drop the case because it's not in the public interest or there's not enough evidence (her word against his)? I think it's about time we realised that DV is involved in a huge way in many of the societal problems we have. I could go on and on about this, but I won't as I'll hijack the thread.

Agree that the Lundy Bancroft book is wonderful. Can't help thinking it should be compulsory reading for all health professionals and should be part of the national curriculum in schools!

sunfleurs · 09/07/2009 14:50

Mamazon, I have heard of this before and that is why I never called the police again. Must have been so, so awful for you .

Mamazon · 09/07/2009 15:00

it wasn't great.

I am a social worker (youth offending so different area) though so once i was a little stronger i made a formal complaint about the Sw that dealt with me.

Whilst i am not allowed to know the full details of what happened to her i have heard through the grapevine she was sent on a lot of re training courses and was demoted.

I am glad. Honestly, her actions could have killed me.
Children are always the first priority and some women do need to hear the harsh realities, but i had kicked him out and he was breakling into my home in order to hit and rape me. what more could i have done to protect myself?

In teh end we left and went to a refuge. it took me a long time but we are safe and happy now. no thanks to the Sw back then though.

dittany · 09/07/2009 17:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123 · 09/07/2009 18:22

I not talking about a person beating someone reguardly, but maybe if this was the first time and was more of a verbal fight than a full blown physical attack. There are different levels of volience, and I didnt want people thinking ss remove children after one verbal fight that got too loud iyswim.

dittany · 09/07/2009 18:34

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lisad123 · 09/07/2009 20:38

i cant discuss one case, that would be against everything i worked for. And Im not suggesting we hold victims resposible, but but ss point of view, something has to give and the parent has to find a way of protecting the children. This would hopfully be police removing volient partner, but we all know that doesnt always work. If an adult stays in a relationship, then it still places children in danger. The hope is with support from ss, the parent and child can leave, but either way ss have to make best choice for the children.

Im not suggesting ss remove children for verbal fights.

dittany · 09/07/2009 20:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 09/07/2009 20:46

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lisad123 · 09/07/2009 21:02

It is a fact that if parents are in a physically volient relationship and the children are witnessing/hearing it, they risk losing their children, no pretneding about it.
Yes people are warned if they dont leave/ kick out/ get partner arrested they run this risk.
SS will try and support victims of DV, but children cant leave of their own accord so ss have to protect them. Im aware DV often involve mental abusive, control and sucha fear to leave the victim doesnt know what to do. Im not stupid, and I have worked with many families, and helped woman leave. And yes I know more woman are killed when planning to or leaving.

Yes Police need to do more to stop these partners, remove them, set court orders asap, there needs to more done to raise proffessionals way of dealing wit this. BUT no one could make me thinik that leaving children in situations is best for them.

Oh and dont get me started on contact with volient dads & mums, I would agree with you most of the time, these arses made their choice when they started beating on the childrens mum/dad imo.

Also please dont make this personal, I am not a social worker, and the system isnt great, but I cant be held resposible for every bad sw (trust me i met a few) same as you arent responsible for every mother.

Mamazon · 09/07/2009 21:24

the problem is though Lisa i had thrown Xp out. SS came because he had broken into my flat and raped me. he then started beating me and a nieghbour heard and called the police.

what more could i have done? he caught me tryong to call police and ripped the phone line from the wall.

Dont get me wrong, i know that it was far from ideal for my children to be in the same house as him let alone witness what they did but i had thrown him out time and time again., he just broke back in over and over.

the SW made things worse for me. he knew that whatever he did i couldn't get help. i was unable to leave yet so he had a free reign to beat and raqe me daily.
but i guess i should be gratefull. DD was the consequence of one such day

evaangel2 · 09/07/2009 21:27

This situation may be somewhat different from others, my brother was in DV relationship for 10 years, she punched, kicked and eventually stabbed him, they had 4 children together anyhow after a bad beating he left, for many years the Dc's witnessed this.

When my db left he informed SS and the police of her violent history and warned she would turn on the dc's if unchecked, my db was accused of speculation and absurd rumour as the only record of violence was when she stabbed my db and hit the main artery in his arm hence this was not an act against the children...2 months later she horrendously battered the 7 year old black & blue it was then that SS intervened and children were placed around other members of the family..I agree, I dont think SS are trained enough with DV issues as there are many angles that DV covers and each case needs to monitored..there is never enough staff in the EDT.

dittany · 09/07/2009 21:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissSunny · 10/07/2009 02:52

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MissSunny · 10/07/2009 02:53

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MissSunny · 10/07/2009 02:57

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lisad123 · 10/07/2009 07:56

Mamazon, in your case that sw was being unfair and so stupid. Youhad done all you can to protect your kids, not your fault at all. Hope your ok and LOs are too and that tosser is locked away.

Dittany, Im not talking about cases like mamazons as its clear she did everything right and everything she could to protect her kids. But what do you suggest ss do when victim wont leave with kids, or continues to go back again, or as some do, go from one DV relationship to another?? Its the polices job to deal with the volient partner, ss have very little power in this. Wish I could lock all the idoits up but the law is full of stupid loophole and courts are in need to better training on how dmaging these people are.

Mamazon · 10/07/2009 10:45

missSunny - im sure you would stand a good chance of working as a social work support officer (or whatever the current term is)
I would suggest trying to get some voluntary work, even just a few hours, in various different area's of social work. you may think you want to work in a certain area but then find that after having a bit of a taster of a different sector you want to continue in that field. i thought i wanted to work within the looked after children team. i did some volunteering within the Yot and was hooked.
I wish you the very best of luck with your study.

Lisa i totally agree with you that there are women out there that simply wont put their children first. they put up with the abuse and will not accepot the damage that is done to the children. and yes in these cases the children probably are better off within foster care.

However it seems that with many of the old school SW's i have come across, both as a vitcim and within my professional work, they have no real expereince or training in thsi field and so they have the very ignorant "it serves you right for letting him hit you" point of view.

training is vital. you wouldn't put a nurse in charge of a heart op. she may be excellent at stitches and taking blood but you wouldn't want her fixing your major organs.
Dv should be an area of expertise in itself. its a massive problem and causes many issues for children both during the violence and in their adult lives.

I also agree wholeheartedly with Dittany. DV is assult. why its treated as anything other than that is beyond me. why is it ok to hit your partner but not a strnager in the street? if my x had done what he did to me to a woman in the street he'd be in the papers villified by the country and wouldn#t see daylight for a long time.
but because i had children with him he has never been charged with anything other than domestic disturbance and is given access to our children.

the system is more than flawed, its failing.

MissSunny · 10/07/2009 12:14

Message withdrawn

dannigirl · 10/07/2009 13:18

Totally agree with your post Mamazon!

It's very easy to see this whole issue in black and white terms i.e all women are at fault, all social workers are crap etc etc. It is a very complex situation.

Yes, social workers probably do need more training in domestic violence, but there is a severe lack of funding generally in relation to this issue also. There are not enough refuges, not enough places in prison for perpetrators, not enough probation services etc etc.

MissSunny - most Local Authorities employ social work assistants and not only employ them but pay for their social work training. You are bonded to them for a certain amount of time but it is worth it to get your degree paid for. It might be worth you looking into this. I am sure there are bursaries etc out there also to encourage people to get qualified.

NicknameTaken · 10/07/2009 13:27

I was seeing a counsellor because I was unhappy with my marriage. She said that she would have to contact SS unless I took action because she thought it was a harmful environment for dc. It gave me a major wake-up call, and in a way it acted as permission to leave. So sometimes using SS as a bogey-man actually works!

lisad123 · 10/07/2009 16:36

misssunny also look in some contact supervisor work. You supervise parents having contact with their children who dont ;live with them. You dont have to be qualified but a good foot in the door.

Claire2009 · 10/07/2009 16:38

Kids put on at risk register, if I went back kids would be taken out of my care. I didn't go back, ever.

SW was a wanker, blamed me and basically saying I should've got out before having the kids

Claire2009 · 10/07/2009 16:40

Oh, and a very much, didn't believe a word I was saying despite scars, photographic evidence, police report in France, basically lots of proof, and still was very and high & mighty like with me

I haven't seen him since July 2006.