does anyone else not really have a really nice father and daughter relationship.....

[mum2samandalex]

growing up i was always a real daddy's girl but as i got old i sort realised he can be a bit of a dick. My parents were divorced so my dad was only really a weekend dad although i did see him etc hes never really done anything for me.Hes just never really stood up to the father image. Hes never been protective of me, hes never been really proud of me or affectionate.Maybe i watch too many films but when i watch father of the bride i just think why cant my dad be a bit like that.

we cannot stand each other

simple as that

is as its always been

I maintain some kind of r'ship with him for my mothers sake

Never was a 'Daddy's girl. I was worthless in his eyes. Still am.

I knwo what you mean about the movies. Instances in RL can be just as bad.

mum2 I could have written your post. Its only when you grow up that you see things for the way that they were as opposed to how they are supposed to be.

My parents got divorced when I was 2, he always did the bare minimum, I got to 18 and decided that I didnt need him in my life anymore, and havent seen him since (10 years). He hasnt seen his only grandchild, although he is aware of him. No birthday/christmas cards since I was 18.

My Dad and I get on quite well now. We live 150 miles away from each other, and only see each other for brief spells about 6 times a year. He got so drunk the night before my wedding, that on the actual day he was still pished. He ran up the aisle ahead of me, and his speech basically went 'Cheers'. I spent many, many years loathing him. Now, I just accept him for who he is, and don't expect much.

Can't abide my father, he is an evil, selfish and jealous old man who can not recognise that the world does not revolve around him. I'm pretty certain that he genuinely does suffer from some form of personality disorder. He is solely responsible for all my neuroses, which I am desperately trying to let go of.

I only see him because he is still married to my mother. Otherwise, he could rot.

I don't get on with my dad. As far as I am aware my four siblings all think he's great but I think he's completely self absorbed and rather ignorant. He's done almost nothing for me, either. I guess I sound really ungrateful. I don't really hate or dislike him but he truly gets on my tits! I can't spend more than a day in his company. Sometimes I feel a little bit sorry for myself over this .

I get on with my dad.....but it is far, very far, from ideal. He never, ever, ever remembers my birthday (bugbear of mine!), he completely lacks affection or empathy, he is selfish and lets me down time after time. He was never there when I was young and spent the whole of my parents marriage cheating with other women.

He stubbornly refuses to change despite my various falling out with him over the years and despite his own admitted regrets from the past....(the longest I fell out with him for was 5 years, wonder where I got my stubbornness?)

Anyway, I guess I accept him for what and who he is. If I needed him in an emergency I know he'd be there and I know that even though he doesn't show it, he does care and to be fair, there has been a couple of times in the past few years where he has stuck up for me when nobody else did.

I wish it could be better but it never will be. He is better than he was years ago but he is just the way he is and there's nothing I can do about it. Sucks tho.

And by the way....it's taken me more than 10 years to get to this level of acceptance!

i think the real kick in the teeth is that he seems to do more for my brother then he ever has for me.

dad and I have a great relationship always have always will.

My dad was a rubbish (and violent) dad when I was growing up.
I have a relationship with him now because I want one. For that to work, I have to take him exactly as he is - unreliable, selfish, completely self-centred, overdramatic, needy, but also very intelligent, funny, shrewd, and good with advice (he's been
there and done it). Because I accept that, the way the relationship goes is on my terms. If I remember what a git he was when I was a child and it upsets me, I keep my distance for a while. When I can deal with that, I'm happy to talk to him and see him - and he has changed over the years. I didn't think that could happen and it doesn't make up for the past, but it makes the present easier. Oh, and he likes my sister more than he likes me.
HTH

I have a great relationship with my Dad, he was always interested in my life in his own quiet way, we are similar in liking our own company and he taught me DIY, car stuff etc.

He balanced out my over controlling mum and gave me self respect.

He gets on great with DH, they chat once a week, he used to call FIL to chat trucking and he still phones MIL now that FIL has died just to chat.

He is my friend, we see each other monthly if we can (2hrs away by car) and chat 2-4 times a week.

He doesn't 'get' my Sis but then nor do we, it's hard to have a meaningful chat with someone who lies

That sounds lovely Matnanplus.

My dad is...staying at my house for 3 nights to helpwith child care (again) while DH is away,

but he is also

emotionally unavailable (he had to go through therapy before he could hug me or my sister once past being little children)somewhat judgemental but in a silent way, socially anxious++, one of those guardian readers who is actually dailymail through and through but just doesn't know it.

I wouldn't say we are close, but we are not estranged or anything like that.
My problem is that when he is around it brings out the him in me iykwim, so I get less chatty and more introspective and awkward (I don't become a DM-ite though...thankfully). I never argue with him ( he is waaaay too passive aggressive - see also sulky - for that and I am not good with confrontation anyway) even though I disagree with him!

mum2 I have the same relationship wth my dad, he was the weekend dad like yours. He went on to have another family and I went from being a daddy's girl to sitting there one christmas aged 8 opening my PJ and dress while watching his new daughters opening their huge pile of christmas presents longing that just one of them was mine.

Things went on like that until I gave up visiting aged 15. Now we have a distant relationship, where his other daughters get everything they want and I get nothing. Im constantly slagged off by his wife as she thinks I just want him for money, something I cant understand as I have never asked nore been givin any money off him since my pocket money all thoses years ago. I have now come to realise that I have done nothing wrong, he is the one missing out on seeing my DD as often as he should, but always remember that he is my dad and there is nothing I can do to change that, (as much as this angers my DP) I just get on with my life surrounded by people who appreciate me.

I have no relationship with my dad, although he is still married to my mum, who I see regularly.

I do not speak to him because he treated us all very badly for many years. I have no respect for him at all.

He is not violent or abusive any more, and now the rest of the family pretend like none of it ever happened and think I am unreasonable for not speaking to him.

I do feel jealous of women who are Daddy's Girls, and who love their fathers and are proud of them.

I had hoped that I would get a lovely father-in-law one day and that would make up for it somehow, but my husband's father went awol 20 years ago and hasn't been seen since.

I don't feel sorry for myself, though. I have a wonderful marriage and a very happy life, and some people have even worse dads.

I've always been determined to see the best in my dad and been dying for a proper father-daughter relationship. Only now am I facing up to the fact that he is cold, distant, cruel, selfish and not only that he beat me up when I was a teenager as well.

Objectively, it should be very easy to recognise that I get nothing but grief from it and I should move on. But it isn't.

holyguacamole linked me to this thread - i'd started a different thread earlier because my relationship with my dad is so rubbish
this thread

i was lying awake last night thinking that although i want to distance myself from him and can probably do this, i'll never lose the bad feeling ihave for him and then think this will chew me up forever.

everytime a stranger says "do you get back to visit your parents much?" (we live overseas) then i have to lie and i dont want to but its easier than explaining that my mum is dead and my dad is a wanker!

mum2 - i've wished many times that life was like a film - not father of the bride - just some soppy film where the father apologises for his crap behaviour - still waiting!

but it makes me feel a bit better that there seems to be quite a few of us out there!

My Dad's a dick too unfortunatly. It's a long long story which I won't bore you with but will say that he refused to come to my wedding. He also called me a week after the funeral of my Grandma to inform me of the "death of HIS MOTHER" his actual words! I have 3 brothers and he has disowned all three - one because he called him a cnt for leaving my Mum as a single mother of four without pot to piss in while he shacked up with his secretary. He earns a packet by the way! Thing I dislike him for most though is that when my bother called him begging forgiveness, my Dad told him to fck off as he meant nothing to him anymore. My brother was crushed (and is still very damaged by it - he was only about 14 at the time)- and all for such a petty reason.

Sorry Dad rant over (deep breath)!!! I certainly don't have the story book relationship that is supposed to be!

No I don;t - my father is a sad sad man - he caused the death of my mother in a car accident - was going to be charged with death by dangerous driving but got off because he had myself and my sister to care for. He left us with my grandmother (best time in my childhood really so only good thing he did) to marry a vile woman who then wanted us to stay with my grandmother so they could have some time together like a newly married couple (hello he has 2 kids!).

The vile stepmontster abuses us, accidentally gets pregnant (being head of biology - stupid or v cunning) (accidentally because father did not want to get pregnant), I am then used as surrogate mother for her kids so her and my excuse for a father can go out and about and carry on with their lives!

Then she stands up in court to fight with my XH for custody of my daughter - all this backed up by my father who has been telling everyone that he hates her and dispises her for years but he is too much of a dickless coward of a man to actually leave her as it will cost him too much cash - which is above all else his motivation in life.

I have not seen him since he shouted at me for destroying our families name in the courthouse and he has never seen my son - his only grandson - although I would fight tooth and nail to make sure he never does.

All in all a very sad, sad, lonely, unhappy man who in my view should have tried to make up for killing our mother rather than dwelling in his misery for the rest of his life and making our lives hell.

Wow - would be a good blockbuster eh - what with my sister going in and out of care, him going through alchoholism and other problems and my evil, short, fat ugly stepmonster just living knowing he despises her!

I can't wait for the day when I am informed of the passing of either of them and you probably think I am mean but when I heard her bother had passed away recently I felt nothing but a little joy that she would be hurting!

Oh Madame I don't blame you for feeling that way at all.

I can't really categorise my relationship with my father.

We sort of get on on a superficial level but he is a man of very few words. I find his outlook on life very hard to deal with - openly racist etc I know that he is old and stuck in his ways but it's just awful when he expresses his views dogmatically in front of DC who just look perplexed. He can be quite rude too to family and strangers.

His dogmatic manner is rather awful too - and he can be very condescending to waiters etc which just makes me cringe.

His views on "the country" also are so out of touch. He can't forgive Thatcher for leaving and can see no good in modern Britain (and though we all have to search deeply sometimes the last 30 years have seen some improvements!).

Also, he can be quite combative with DH over DH's work - working for a high profile company and when he ask DH about work he always contradicts him etc

I suppose now I have come to terms with the fact that although I don't much like my parents they aren't going to be around forever and so I need to try to just get on with it.

We don't really have much in common apart from my mother who is as mad as a hatter and quite selfish.

I would have like to have had a father who I could be close to. My paternal grandfather was just brilliant and I got on with him very well.

Perhaps I need to move to the Stately Home thread?!