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Original poster

The morning after pill, if you were asked how would you feel.

49 replies

Martha200 · 23/06/2009 07:27

First time ever, last night we were left doubtful over the effectiveness of our contraception. DH and I have 2 children, but he suggested that tomorrow (today) I have the morning after pill. I don't think I want to, and he said will I be smiling so much if I am pregnant (was also surprised too!) I am really surprised by his reaction tbh, not saying anything positive if I were (we spent a year deciding if we wanted a third and came to the conclusion probably not, but if it happened it wouldn't be the end of the world!)

OP posts:
burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 07:30

Well ultimately it is YOUR decision but if it were me (and it was, a few months ago) I would take it. I would be concerned about his reaction if I did become pregnant, and could not bear the idea of being resented, or the baby being resented, etc etc. But that is on the negative side as even a rocky start can lead to a happy ending.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 23/06/2009 07:33

I'd respect his wishes on the subject I think. I also think you should be a bit clearer on whether you want number three - it sounds like you maybe do and he definitely doesn't. If you don't take the MAP you are basically saying that you wish to be pregnant. If it happens by accident that's one thing, but if you have the opportunity to take the MAP and don't - that's not really an accident! So this time I probably would - and use it to start a discussion with DH about how I felt about the idea of being pregnant, and maybe get some more clarity on the idea of number 3.

islandlassie · 23/06/2009 07:59

i personally do no agree with the MAP
so it's an easy one for me

dizietsma · 23/06/2009 09:22

Yeah, thanks for that islandlassie

whoisasking · 23/06/2009 09:27

It sounds like your DH doesn't want another child. Are you prepared for the potential fallout if you don't take the MAP and do get pregnant?

(Not too sure why anyone would "not agree with the MAP"? )

spicemonster · 23/06/2009 09:27

If you both have agreed that you don't want another child, why wouldn't you take it? I can completely see that if you found out you were pregnant that you'd probably go through with it but you haven't have you? Personally I don't think it's any different to using contraception in the first place but I know that not everyone shares that view

BitOfFun · 23/06/2009 09:30

I'd take it, sooner the better.

But I agree that it sounds like you need to discuss your feelings over number 3...

PinkTulips · 23/06/2009 09:43

whoisasking, if a pregnancy has occured the MAP is a form of very early abortion. for some that's not an option the same was the copper coil isn't an option.

just to clarify that for you.

OP, it sounds like you possibly do want another baby... it's tricky if dh isn't on board with that though.

how likely is it you are preg? are you mid cycle? was it a complete lack of contraception or a slight possibility of failure?

you need to talk to him and find out where your relationship would stand if you did get preg.

LaDiDaDi · 23/06/2009 09:46

I would take MAP and then discuss having a third at another time.

oliverboliverbutt · 23/06/2009 09:48

I'd take it - but then I'd open up a conversation with DH about getting a vasectomy.
No fair that you have to be the one to worry about contraception all the time. If your Dh definitely doesn't want another child then he should consider this option seriously if he expects you to take the MAP.

islandlassie · 23/06/2009 10:03

Thankyou pinktulips I always get comments about my opinion on this.

Dizietsma - OP started the conversation, i gave my opinion. I think if you didnt stop it happening in the first place then you should go through with it if it did actually happen - my opinion - I am not critising anyone who does use the MAP - thank you

burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 10:16

But the MAP does stop is 'happening in the first place'.

spicemonster · 23/06/2009 10:19

MAP is not early abortion.

According to the International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics, ?EC is not an abortifacient because it has its effect prior to the earliest time of implantation.? Since they act before implantation, they are considered medically and legally to be forms of contraception.

LadyOfWaffle · 23/06/2009 10:20

You shouldn't feel pressured into taking it! You both had sex, you both knew the 'risks'. If you want to take it, fine, but do not take it for anyone else other than yourself.

AMumInScotland · 23/06/2009 10:22

When you decided "if it did happen, it wouldn't be the end of the world", did he seem to genuinely think that too? Because it now has (maybe) happened, and his view is different if he thinks you should have the MAP. So far, you've always had the possibility that a pregnancy could happen, because contraception is not 100% effective.
So, if he has changed his opinion, he really ought to take steps so it can't happen, by having a vasectomy.

You don't say you have any moral issues over the MAP, so it comes down to "what if?" If you are pg, then can you end it, knowing that you're not going to have any more, and be ok with that?

Or can you continue with it, while knowing that DH isn't positive about it? You could hope that he'll come round, specially when he said it would be ok when you discussed it, but if he isn't then he could resent it.

It boils down to which of you is going to be more unhappy with either choice, and how much you can both get past that.

AMumInScotland · 23/06/2009 10:25

Medically and legally MAP counts as contraception. Morally, some people consider anything which works after fertilisation to be the equivalent of abortion.

That's why for some people MAP and the copper coil are in a different category from barrier methods and hormonal methods that prevent ovulation or fertilisation.

I'd never tell other people where they should draw that line, but for me I would not take MAP or use the coil.

thederkinsdame · 23/06/2009 10:28

Martha - what a difficult situation. Although I can see both sides of the coin and understand why you wouldn't want to take the MAP, I think that if you and your DH have spend a long time discussing not having a third, then he may be feeling a little railroaded (and probably scared!) that you are having doubts and baby no 3 may soon be on its way. However, having said that, he is also railroading you into doing something you're not sure about, which is not on either.

I would suggest a calm sit down tonight over a bottle of wine, and write out a list of pros and cons to both scenarios. There is always the possibility that you won't have fallen PG, too. Whatever you choose to do, good luck. I hope it works out for you and your DH.

islandlassie - I don't think this is the right place for a moral lecture, do you? The OP has asked for support, not your views on whether the MAP is right or wrong. If you feel so strongly that the MAP is 'wrong' hide the post.

whoisasking · 23/06/2009 10:30

Thanks for the clarification on MAP objections.

I don't agree, but thanks anyway.

NorthernLurker · 23/06/2009 10:35

Where are you in your cycle anyway? If you are midcycle then being pregnant is a stronger possibility than at other times. If you are going to take it the sooner the better!

memoo · 23/06/2009 10:47

I took the morning after pill within 12 hours, it didn't work, and 9 months later I gave birth to my gorgeous son.

I'm actually very pleased now that it didn't work

MadameDefarge · 23/06/2009 10:49

to be fair to Islandlassie, the op specifically asks how would you feel..this is how she would feel about it, because of her views.

She been neither rude nor dogmatic, just stated her opinion, and certainly has not lectured.

Lets stick to the OP, eh?

islandlassie · 23/06/2009 10:57

thederkindame - The OP asked how would you feel - i made how i would feel clear - i would not do that for H because personally i feel it is wrong

I feel it is wrong - i have asked none one and would never ask anyone to adopt my opinion

OP i hope everything works out for you - do what you feel is right for you, whether that is going along with your husband or not

mrsboogie · 23/06/2009 11:33

Oh FGS

clumsymum · 23/06/2009 11:34

"some people consider anything which works after fertilisation to be the equivalent of abortion"

But as I understand it, fertilisation DOES happen quite frequently where implantation doesn't then successfully take place, thru natural causes. so following islandlassie's theory 'abortion' takes place thousands of times a week, without the 'mothers' ever knowing it has happened.

In reply to Martha's opening post, I wouldn't consider her dh's request unreasonable. If they were not planning to conceive, but the contraceptive method being use failed for whatever reason, then yes I'd take the MAP as a precaution.

I would also have a conversation about changing to more reliable contraception tho'. And might re-visit the third child discussion too, sometime in the next few weeks (but not immediately, I think).

fruitstick · 23/06/2009 11:37

I think men feel very differently about this kind of thing. Proabably because they don't have a relationship with the baby until it's born.

I became very upset when DH made a throw away remark about not keeping the baby if I became pregnant with number 3. I don't think he actually meant it but they see a problem and a solution.