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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anyone else not send thier Dad a Fathers Day card?

33 replies

Frasersmum123 · 21/06/2009 07:51

Has Fathers Day become a little bittersweet for you?

My SD left my Mum after 23 years 2 years ago for OW and I still feel bitter about it, we carried on a strained relationship until he decided to marry OW, told me and my siblings but wouldnt tell my Mum, so I told her and he hasnt spoken to me since.

I feel so sad today, not because of the lost relationship, but it brings back all the hurt and stress if that makes any sense.

OP posts:

Heated · 21/06/2009 08:54

No, I don't...but I may well have to start sending 'em. No falling out with my dad, it's just a contrived card-manufacturers invention - in fact I'm old enough to remember when it didn't exist in the UK but as an 'industry' it's really grown. However, my dad last year asked me where his card was - I pointed out the above & the fact that for 70 odd years he's bever had one but now SIL sends them.

JackBauer · 21/06/2009 08:57

I haven't sent my father one, and haven't for about 6 years now since I cut contact.
He was a horrible physically and mentally abusive parent and cheated on my mum with men for roughly the entirety of their 28 year marriage so i don't feel he deserves one.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling sad although I feel sad about the lost relationship today, other times it is the anger/frustration that I feel, but on fathers day I just feel that I don't really have one, and it's not my fault, and it's not fair.

Saves money though

Heated · 21/06/2009 08:57

Sorry btw about your situation Frasermummy. He sounds most unreasonable in not expecting you to tell your mother.

EachPeachPearMum · 21/06/2009 09:05

Neither DH nor I have fathers... only DH's is deceased...

shivermetimbers · 21/06/2009 09:14

DH doesn't, his parents disowned him when he married me. His father was very controlling and abusive but dh still gets upset at times like this. It's not because he has no relationship with his father, it's more that he wishes he had the kind of dad he could have a relationship with, if that makes any sense.

walkinthewoods · 21/06/2009 09:16

Me neither, he's an arse. He didn't send me or the kids birthday cards this year apparently because he can't get them where he lives abroad (e-mailed me sometime after my birthday) I didn't reply.

JackBauer · 21/06/2009 09:18

Oh it's so nice to hear others say this. I daren't mention it in RL as when people find out that I have cut him out they get really and start the whole 'but he's your dad' thing as they just don't get it.

Flower3545 · 21/06/2009 09:19

I didn't Heaven has no postmark

I'd give anything if I could though

JackBauer · 21/06/2009 09:24

sorry flower.

MagNacarta · 21/06/2009 09:30

No, haven't spoken to him for 15 years and I don't feel sad about it tbh, just resigned.

I haven't sent one to my step-dad either and I usually do, but forgot , luckily they're on holiday, so I'll put it in the post tomorrow.

Step-dad has been around since I was 19 and been more of a Dad then my 'real' one.

edam · 21/06/2009 09:39

I forgot. Put it in the post yesterday but missed the Saturday post so it won't even arrive Monday.

My middle sister doesn't send him one as he's been a particularly crap father to her and upset her recently. He was a crap father to me, too, when we were little, but seemed to be much better since we were adults. Then he really hurt my middle sister...

Am sure youngest sister, the apple of his eye, will have sorted card/present/taking him out to lunch or something, though.

Original poster

Frasersmum123 · 21/06/2009 09:52

Flower im so sorry, when I posted this I was being self-indulgent. Im really sorry

OP posts:

madameovary · 21/06/2009 09:58

I dont, I dont know his address. He was not a good father. I would like him to meet DD but cant take more knockbacks tbh.

ToughDaddy · 21/06/2009 10:22

Haven't sent one, haven't received one (yet). Will call my dad later as he is overseas at present. DCs normally make me one which I prefer to shop purchased card. I am not great at the card thing but my siblings are so I get caught out. I prefer a chat/call/firm handshake/hug as a greeting.

EccentricaGallumbits · 21/06/2009 10:28

nope.
hasn't been part of my life for a long time.
has some more children younger than my DDs (i don't hav an issue with that) and occasionally sends them birthday/christmas presents. I thn end up feeling guilty for not reciprocating to his other children but i really don't want him in my life and do wish he wouldn't.
will possibly be interesting in the future if his cildren want to know more about us though.

bronze · 21/06/2009 10:31

no but i'm staying with my parents at the moment so will give him a hug instead

Saltire · 21/06/2009 10:34

I wish I could. My dad died when I was 16 - just before father's day actually.
One of the young girls at work was telling me that she wasn't sending her dad a card "because he won't drive me into Portsmouth ON Saturday night or pick me up,I hate him". I said to her - "when I was your age, I didn't have a dad to argue with, treasure him while you can"
She's 18.

Saltire · 21/06/2009 10:36

I sent to FIl though, as DH is away and usually buys and posts him one.
To those of you whose father's have died and have FILs, do you call your FIL dad?

Flower3545 · 21/06/2009 11:06

Thanks JackBauer.

Its ok Frasermum, he's been gone most of my adult life now so it's not as raw apart from days like today of course.

Poledra · 21/06/2009 11:11

I opened this thread ready to have a rant at the manufactured days dreamt up by the greetings card industry, and how I do not send my dad a card for this reason (he doesn't expect one). Instead, I am humbled into remembering that I am so lucky to still have a father who is loving and caring. Thank you for reminding me through your own losses

Kimi · 21/06/2009 11:21

My dad died when I was 12 but I still end up spending ££££££ on fathers day,

card for DH1 from kids, and gift
card for DP from kids and small gift
card for DPs dad or he would not get one
card for my great uncle
card for DCs Godfather
card for the father of my best friend who died (he gave me away at my wedding)

onlyjoking9329 · 21/06/2009 11:22

I never knew who my dad was so I never did fathers day until we had kids and then I would make sure the kids did something for fathers day, feel odd this year as it's the first time we haven't done fathers day and it seems to be advertised everywhere, the kids school have done fathers day stuff this week and my 3 were upset that their dad has died, we will be eating dads fav trifle today and may write a letter/ card to go in the memory box.

hobbgoblin · 21/06/2009 11:24

No. We don't speak. Same for Mother's Day. Have got cards for DC's fathers though have forgotten to post so they will receive Tuesday.

Deliberating whether to send one to father of baby due to be born any day soon. He is on a bike ride and will be seeing him later. I think it may be naff but could be good for reconciliation purposes...

LadyOfWaffle · 21/06/2009 11:26

I haven't because he won't tell me where he lives

StirlingTheStrong · 21/06/2009 11:39

Must be hard onlyjoking

I am the same as Saltire as my Dad died when I was 16, that is 28 yrs ago but I still remember our last hug

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