Do most men want sex from the word go?

[sparkybint]

I'm newly single (posted recently about coping with the break-up) and am not thinking about dating anytime soon. I know I'll come out of this stronger though (already feel a whole lot better) and will be thinking about finding some male company in a little while. I'm 51 and divorced so not really looking for marriage/living together, probably ever. What I'd like eventually is a long-term and committed relationship where we live separately and don't spend every waking moment together! But to start with I just want to be dating and enjoying meeting new people.

I'm concerned about having sex too soon though. I've finally learnt that having sex with someone new too early on can be a disaster for me; then I get attached and can't see the wood for the trees and stay with men who are bad for me. So this time I'm determined to get to know a man as well as I can before I even consider sleeping with him. How long that might take I don't know.

My question is, are there are many men who'd be happy to wait until a woman's comfortable or whether the majority will give up after just a few dates? I so want to change the habit of a lifetime and get to know someone really well before great chemistry blinds me to everything else. Answers from men especially welcome!

Hi maki, I don't have a new man yet and probably will hold off for a while. Am only just getting over the last one. I do hear what you're saying, but the problem for me is that I really trusted my ex DP or I wouldn't have slept with him early on. I suppose though I should have got out earlier than I did, because things started to bother me and I ignored them.

And I'm only theorising all this; if I do meet someone who really does it for me, it's going to take a lot of resolve to do the taking it slow thing. We'll see...

Sorry Sparky I must have misread the thread .

A few years ago I came out of a relationship with a deep sense of disappointment and, since it wasn't for the first time, anxiety about the future. I had three months of therapy - the sort where they say nothing but humnnn and you yack on about yourself for an hour - and I amazed myself at some of the things I said. I think it changed my behaviour in relationships. Not that I was really bad before, just a bit too accommodating, but it did give me a lot of clarity about what I wanted. When I met DP I was very upfront that I wanted commitment and children and, if he didn't, to kindly pass me over for someone else. He said he would only be with me if he wanted to stay with me indefinitely, or at least, in the early days, if he could see no reason why that wouldn't be the case. I would never have done that before. If DP had not let me straight into his life, I would very likely have felt like you and wanted to hold right back, because it bloody hurts to be let down. But I felt if I was asking him to commit, then I would have to commit too.

Anyway, I hope you find someone lovely - I found DP wandering around on an internet dating site .