I'M A CHILDMINDER WORKING FULL TIME, HE IS WORKING FULL TIME TOO BUT...

[COCOTTE]

We have 2 children, 5 and 2...I'm working 5 days a week from 7.45 to 6 and he is working from 9 to 5.30 back at 6.45.
He does all the laundry
Put the kids in bed after stories

I do all the cooking, dishes washing, childcare..organising children life etc

He doesn't cook, doesn't wash (we dont have dish washer)

When I first took non childminder, he promised he'll help me with the dish washing and make an effort with the cooking but nothing really happened.

Would you be annoyed ?? Every morning start by the dishes...I hate it.

bump

Well you do seem to be both working very hard. TBH your Dh does put the DCs to bed and does the laundry so he is helping.

Do you have enough money/space for a dishwasher? They are great and have helped many marriages.

Hi Crack ! That is the thing, we do not have space for the dishwasher...it annoys me so much that I'm the one to put on with with the dirty dishes to wash..I was doing all the laundry for a while but it didn't change his way...I cook son surely he should be washing afterwards so I can start the day nicely instead of putting up with crap all the time. I cant bear it.

If you are now working as a childminder, you have the mahoosive advantage of earning money while not paying any out in childcare! So compared to perviously, you must be raking it in.

So use it to buy a dishwasher!

And then use a certain amount for a weekly cleaner.

I agree with the crackfox - don't let life be more complicated than it needs to be.

You are annoyed that he doesn't wash up?

Have you talked to him about how facing the washing up in the morning makes you feel? Could you do the washing together? Sometimes dh and i share the washing up ( he washes and i dry!) as its the only chance we get to talk! How sad is that, but it does make the job go quicker, and noone feels hard done by.

I dont have the space for a dishwasher, my kitchen is really tiny...
I'm cooking, make sure I do proper meals..by the end of the evening I'm tired but I'm the only one who cleans up after meals, he always escape..it gets on my nerves...

Tell him then.

I told him...it last for 2 days and then its gone..I have to start with the sick full of shit...cant bear it cant bear it...I love cooking, wash as much as I can while I'm cooking but he wouldn't even wash 2 plates or cups..I have enought, its a real problem. I hear about other families..one cook the other wash...I have enough, I make a big deal out of it. Why should I accept that ?

if he doesnt leave until after you have started work, can he wash in the mornings? Is there really no room for a dishwasher!!

no he wouldnt wash unless I beg him and if I'm in tears...I'm fed up, I think I do as much (or almost as) as a sahm but fucking its a constant battle, I have enough..He leaves all his shit for me to wash...I have little children to look after...he tells how good I am at working, I'm bringing home more than 2 grands a month at home...man it's like if I was still working in a office and dealing with the smelly shit at home..sorry for the language, I have enough

Dont know what else to suggest, think you really need to tell him exactly what you have just said ( tho' maybe not the exact same words!) and tell him what you expect him to do. Maybe he feels the same about other jobs and a big chat about roles will be a good thing

Just talk to him.
You really should not have to beg your OH to wash up and is it really worth tears?

Well sounds like he does help quite a bit really.

I tend to do as much prep for dinner as early as possible and wash up as i go along so its literally just a couple of plates/glasses etc for post-dinner.

Could you try having a glass of wine together in the kitchen whilst you both tidy up after dinner?

You sound tired and fed-up which i understand but perhaps wait until you're calmer to discuss it.

Also don't do complicated meals every night that make lots of washing up.

But we tried to exchange and I end up with doing everything...I took on the childming job because I love children, and it did allow me to be with my children..he promised me, he will do as much as he can but still..what he does is asking if there is any left overs for him..he eats it and leave the shit for me to wash...man I hate it..thank you anyway missmapp..I got trapped..and now this is how it is.

Fucking hell I have given up a job I liked for what for being a slave...He made some promises before I took on the chilminding work..and I'm ending up doing everything...he washed his clothes, the children's clothes and mine (5 tops maximum, 2 trousers, 3 bras)..man is it a lot ?

"Well sounds like he does help quite a bit really."

FGS, they are both working full time. He shouldn't be "helping", he should be pulling his weight and doing half the household chores.

You can get a worktop dishwasher - it's a unit that stands on top of the work surface. I saw one in a house we were considering renting. I'll see if I can get a link to one for you.

Here you go:

compact dishwasher

when both partners work FT there needs and should be an equal divison of labour at home as well

if one cooks, the other cleans up - simple

if one person does the bathing and stories one night, the other does a bit of housework

Cocette - i would be very cross

so, make a rota, make lists, do whatever to divide tasks up and whatever happens do NOT do your DPs tasks

you are in this together

why doesn't he wash up?? Have you asked him ...

Sorry hate to talk money, but if your bring on £2000 a month and your DH works full time, GET A CLEANER AND ENJOY!!

£2000 a month as a CM?

£2k - NET??!!!

blimey missed that - get a blardy cleaner!!

Hi you are all lovely, I'm in tears now, I'm fed up of asking kindly, arguing...man I have given up everything for that situation..he made promises...I tried to be kind and understanding but he always come up with excuses...I'm a full time mum for him (please dont be offended, I have huge respect for sahm, a lots of my closest friends are) but I have other children's needs to take into consideration as well, and I'm taking it very seriously...but starting the day with a kitchen full of shit, brings me down..am I too maniac ? Our bathroom is not very cleaned as well but I do my best..we have a cleaner who comes 2 hours a week on friday eve..but its not enought...I think there is more to it..well I guess...I have enough of all of this..I'm mainly a mother, a childminder, a dishwasher, a cook (I dont do anything hard during the week, more special at the weekend, well its the week end !!)..I'm sorry I'm just upset very upset...I have tried, told him how I felt...nothing happened..if I stop the childminding and goes back to a more regular job we are fucked...I'm trapped.

Seriously, you are apid £2000 a month and have another full time wage coming in?

Pay for help!

I'm sorry, I didnt mean to show off, please forgive me...2000 not net..will have to pay some taxes in january..I'm a cm in central london so the average charge there is 60-70 pounds a day.