I'M A CHILDMINDER WORKING FULL TIME, HE IS WORKING FULL TIME TOO BUT...

[COCOTTE]

We have 2 children, 5 and 2...I'm working 5 days a week from 7.45 to 6 and he is working from 9 to 5.30 back at 6.45.
He does all the laundry
Put the kids in bed after stories

I do all the cooking, dishes washing, childcare..organising children life etc

He doesn't cook, doesn't wash (we dont have dish washer)

When I first took non childminder, he promised he'll help me with the dish washing and make an effort with the cooking but nothing really happened.

Would you be annoyed ?? Every morning start by the dishes...I hate it.

awww

You do sound very sad and low

Can you up your cleaner's hours, perhaps to a Monday as well as a Friday, to do the heavy cleaning.

And do the dishes last thing at night, so you won't have them facing you first thing.

If he won't do them then, unless you want WW3, you'll have to.

Sorry you are having a shit time.

I have a nice lovely cleaner who comes every friday ev ( I love her and always end up paying her more than I should because she is so lovely) but her hard work is trashed after 1 day but that's not the point, I have 2 young children so it's normal...He promised he will learn how to cook, wash..so we could have some kind of a patern...when he asked me what is for dinner, I say nothing..just to teach him...doesnt matter to him, he will do a jacket potatoe with cheese and I'll clean after him in the morning....

Thank you, you are all lovely..I'm trying hard but I just feel he takes the mic...I guess we have deeper problem than that.

pile the dishes in his side of the bed

only put your laundry away

you do sound hacked off and am not surprised

agree with upping your cleaner's hours

yes perhaps you need to think about getting professional help, to work out why you are having these problems as a couple, why he can't see that you both work v hard to keep a roof over your heads and are in this together

Good luck

Thank you again...ruby, I'm seriously thinking about that

I definitely need professional help...I have exploded tonight, DH has left the house.

You both work the same hours so there should be an equal division of labour. If you ever flat shared then you need to do what you would probably have done then - write out a list of jobs and divide. If he isn't willing then it has more to do with your relationship than the household chores.

Stop paying your cleaner more than you should.

Stop putting up with your DH not doing what he should.

MollieO..your last point is right, it has to do more with our relationship than the household chores..

I have tried...if I'm off, well it's an open door for him to let doing all the chores he doesn't want to do..and looking after our children...plus I have the "did you take an appointment for dd1", "you should take for the doctor for that"...and on and on...and if I'm working..looking after 2 little children plus ours...wait..it's the same !!!

Fabulous - I definitely stop putting up with dh..he's out of the house now, probably having a curry somewhere because he feels like a victim.

stop letting him

it doesn't have to be like this

Well he refused all sort of communication, he's back now but in another room doing "administration"...We do have problems...we are supposed to go to a marriage counselling, he said let's wait after the holiday...we came back from holiday...the moment he put a foot on the car, he didn't stop critising me..well with little digs...I know I'm not easy but he's hard as well to leave with...as I said our problems are deaper...but I took on the childminding job in order to take a huge pressure out of his back...and I found myself doing chores 7 days out of 7..being a stay at home mother and bringing a salary as well..all came from a good intention.

Blimey Dollius was only offering my opinion so no need to 'fgs' me thank you very much.

It wasn't clear to me if the op's DH was sat on his arse watching tv whilst she cooked and washed up or if he was doing the ironing/washing/putting children to bed at this time.

As SolidGold always sensibly says on these threads the key is to make sure you both have the same amount of free/leisure time - try and do the chores that you each do best and out-source what you can.

But as thread has moved on seems like there are bigger issues.

Hope you get things sorted.

Have you got any mutual friends that you could speak to who could try and help both of you communicate with each other? He doesn't sound interested in marriage counselling and I would imagine for that to work you both need to approach it with open minds.

Well everytime I try to speak to him, he leaves the room..I cry, I shout, I scream, I chat...all end up the same way. In april, I was really going to leave but he asked for another chance, organized an holiday for us two (without the kids)..he didn't stop to critising me, almost saying how useless I'll be without him...ending up often by saying " may I have the last word" if I was doing something wrong...man we didnt manage to reach a balance, and now we are in this situation....

Since last september, I have been drinking a lot, a lot...it just help me coping with all of this...I tought the two of us had an agreement...he promised many times that things will change..even an holiday didnt change anything..the problems are still here.

I had this with dh (well dp then) wheni first move in with him. I solve it by giving him a warning (after many conversations if he did not washup after dinner then i would not be cooking him dinner as i worked ft as well and i would not be doing 2 jobs. It worked for us when he realised i ment it.

Perhaps you should start counselling by yourself, if only to help you deal with your situation without drinking so much.

Thanks Lizzie...I'll have to have a big willpower to get out it and save my marriage.

I'm glad. Sorry if i sounded rude.

No worries lizzie !