fat abusive prick

[junglist1]

The bastard came in from work this morning and kicked off about where the washing was left hanging. He called me all the usual names like slag and dirty etc, then phoned my parents house and told them to come and get their fucking daughter because I'm lazy. My dad moaned about some clothes I've left at theirs. I'm not lazy, by the way, I also go uni full time. Now he's playing games with the kids and apologising like it's nothing. I hate him. Am calling Womenaid later. Rant over.

he sounds delightful

get rid of him

And your dad was ok that your other half called up and said those things?

Your parents actually had a conversation with him?

My dad listened to it and moaned about the clothes, I was calling out hang up.

and you're with him and have kids with him why.......????

Wow! Do you have the support of your parents at all? Can't you move in with them today?

You know you need to get out of there.

You are worth more. And more importantly your kids are worth more than listening to that. I can't believe your Dad actually listened and then joined in.

Did`nt your dad tell him where to get off???

you need to make a plan to leave but don't do anything rash, just start planning now on how to get yourself out of there. It is very unhealthy and you deserve better than this. Your plan should include cost to get yourself your own place, what he will do ie the kids, will he fight you for them, a job you can do plus finish your studies etc.

I think you need to get rid. Nobody should put up with being spoken to like that.

I was going to wait till I finished uni (1 year left) then go and get my own place. But my younger son is developing behavioural issues because of what he's hearing. I should have left the first time he turned. If I have to i'll go into a refuge, I can afford rent on a council place where at the moment it's private rented. He's being all nice now, which makes it even worse. I have to go along with his niceness because the kids are here.

just start getting your documkents together - put them in a file, passports, birth certificates, copies of bills you might be responsible or - like catalogue etc. and leave in a drawer.

then when he is out = get a suitcase and put yours and kids clothes in - and zip up and put under the bed.

then, when you feel the need to go - you can.

You are absolutely right to get out now, a year is a long time for a child to witness that kind of abuse.

Good luck.

Thanks ladies, he thinks he's one up now but he's the weak one in this scenario. Now he can hang his washing where he likes. Bollocks to him.

Christie2, sorry but your post, had this been me, would have just shrivelled up any resolve i had to leave. Lots of women stay because the challenges they face on leaving seem overwhelming.
Junglist, you are doing the right thing calling womens aid. See what they advise and take it one step at a time. You can do it.
Good luck.

Yes, get out now. ANd bear in mind (judging by what you say of your parents' reation to this man's phone call): your parents may well have brought you up to feel that, as a woman, you are second-class and that you should obey and placate and service your male partner. This is bullshit. Dln't let any man treat you like a servant or property just because he's your 'partner'.

Should have refreshed and said "what custy said!"

You acknowledge that his behaviour is affecting your son - do you realise that these patterns are being set in his young brain and may not be reversible later? what if its too late in a year's time? a year is a very long time in a child's life and a very long time in terms of brain development.

Almost worse than his initial behaviour is his turning nice and forcing you to be nice to him. What a power trip. He is treating you like a dog; kick it then be nice and it will come crawling back.

Sorry but its true. Tell him to go fuck himself. And if your parents find this acceptable then its no wonder you have got into this abusive situation.

Take control of your life now. He'll probably get worse anyway as you get nearer the end of your uni course - as he will fear you might get some control and power out of your new life and fee better about yourself.

My dad used to slap me and my mum wouldn't come into the room, so in a way they do believe in the obeying crap. Don't worry though, if kids weren't here my mouth would be running like nobodys buisness, which is another thing he doesn't like, he's even admitted he would shut up quicker if I didn't argue back! Bollocks to that!

just take his abuse and don't answer back eh?

he's another one who should be under the patio!

Is there a reason why it has to be you that leaves the house and and not him? Or do you need to be somewhere he can't find you?

Either way, you need to get your children away from him, and you sound very strong. Your dad needs a talking to as well.

I won't be able to afford the rent by myself, it's private rented. It'll be a new start anyway, he can stay here and rot.