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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

fat abusive prick

40 replies

junglist1 · 26/05/2009 10:53

The bastard came in from work this morning and kicked off about where the washing was left hanging. He called me all the usual names like slag and dirty etc, then phoned my parents house and told them to come and get their fucking daughter because I'm lazy. My dad moaned about some clothes I've left at theirs. I'm not lazy, by the way, I also go uni full time. Now he's playing games with the kids and apologising like it's nothing. I hate him. Am calling Womenaid later. Rant over.

OP posts:

midnightexpress · 26/05/2009 12:08

Do your uni do any subsidized accommodation? Might it be worth asking?

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/05/2009 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dizietsma · 26/05/2009 17:14

Yeah, Junglist, gotta chime in a vote for looking into family housing via Uni. Dunno where you are, but the families I know of who are in Uni family accommodation really love it. They have an awesome community vibe. They're all studying, or partners of students, so there's a lot of support in the form of babysitting and kids playing together etc. It's in a lovely area too.

I bet if you explained the situation, and spare no details, to a well choosen sympathetic Uni administrator/tutor they'd try and work it to have you move in asap.

Reach out, and move out. He's an utter prick, you and your kids don't deserve to have his awful behaviour negatively affect you.

GypsyMoth · 26/05/2009 18:15

uni housing only exists whilst you are studying.

by going via womens ais then you will get re-housed in your own place much,much quicker.....you'll be a priority as you're classes as homeless.

i did it,and i have friends who have also done it. you stay i their hostels for a short time,but its really worth it as you have time to re-evaluate your life,have support on hand from womens aid workers and a new start....

does he hit you by the way?

dizietsma · 26/05/2009 19:07

"uni housing only exists whilst you are studying."

Didn't Junglist say she was at uni?

For sure, go to a refuge if it's quicker, but it can't hurt to start looking into Uni family housing either.

dizietsma · 26/05/2009 19:09

Oh, do you mean only during term time? Because it's not like halls where you have to move out in the summer, you get it all year.

GypsyMoth · 26/05/2009 19:11

well what i mean is,when i looked into it,it only existed for as long as i was at uni doing thE degree.....finish the course,then you move out. not good really if you need somewhere permanent.

luvoneson · 26/05/2009 19:21

Blimey he sounds a right charmer. Me and mrsboogie will come round and help you dig up the patio!! Put my dh in there as well.

dizietsma · 26/05/2009 19:48

"not good really if you need somewhere permanent."

True, but a refuge is only temporary too. I was thinking living somewhere with community might be best, somewhere Junglist can feel supported.

Original poster

junglist1 · 27/05/2009 11:54

Thanks for all your replies. I've come to my mums to get away for a few days, they don't want us here in the long term unfortunately. Will see what Womenaid has to say later.
IloveTiffany, he has hit me in the past, twice after I lost control and slapped him after listening to his ranting for hours, and once when I kicked a door. I haven't been hit for a year now because I told him straight if I get touched again I'll be calling police on his lowlife arse, and I mean it. He's also spat at me before. I've got recordings of his ranting on my mobile phone in case he tries for custody, but I don't think he will bother as he has a criminal record (he's like a Delboy character but without the charm).

OP posts:

HolyGuacamole · 27/05/2009 12:08

Good for you junglist, glad to hear you're out of there.

kel4mum · 27/05/2009 12:17

Midnightexpress is right, Why do you have to leave, kick him out, you and your dc deserve so much better.

Womenaid helped me get away from my ex, They helped me by paying for transport, to take me home to my parents which was 240miles away. Deffo give them a call and good luck.

k850plus · 27/05/2009 12:20

Well done for getting out of there - now be strong and don't go back. I thought I was treated unfairly by my h, cheating, verbal insults for me and the kids, but I have never been hit. Thought I might at times though. You are obviously intelligent, and obviously a little predisposed to accepting that kind of relationship - but let me tell you, from the support work I do on an admin basis for those who work directly with kids in these types of situations, you must put them first and put this man behind you. It's unacceptable behaviour. My son is now 17, I love him dearly and he is not bad lad, but speaks to me with such disrespect it makes me cry at times, and I know it's my own fault for not getting out of my marriage, as he has grown up seeing his father speak to me ( and him of course) in this way and deems is acceptable. I am plotting and planning to get out now, and hope that it wont be too late for my son to learn a different way of behaving.

I now know that there are many many agencies out there that you can turn to for help. How old are your kids - your health visitor would be an ideal choice, they have many many connections. Is there a Children's Centre near you, again a wonderful source of support with staff trained especially to help people in your situation. There are thousands of fantastic workers all over the country that have the skills to help you help yoursef and your kids - use them. A lot of our taxes are spent on providing this type of help to enable "early intervention" to ensure that the kids of today don't grow up to make the same mistakes their parents have. I wish I had been aware of all of this when mine were little.

Seek out that help today while you feel strong and empoweredv- good luck.

kel4mum · 27/05/2009 12:25

Sorry just caught up on this thread. When I came back home, me and my 4dc lived with my parents, the council helped us find a new home near my parents, and the council payed for everything. The scheme was called Homefinders, it's for the homeless. You find the property and they pay the deposit and rent. Or if your parents are willing to allow you stay at theirs until the council can house you that would be a better option as council rent is cheaper than private renting. I couldn't wait to be housed as my mum was a full time carer for my dad.

Good Luck junglist1

Original poster

junglist1 · 27/05/2009 12:33

The good thing about council housing aswell is I'll be able to start in an assistant psychologist post after uni and be able to pay my rent. My children are 9 and 6, and my older son is halfway through his childhood, I want them to have the rest of that time in peace.

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