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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

Friends taking advantage ( again )

68 replies

crystaltips · 28/04/2003 22:35

I am meant to be going to a "friend's" party this weekend - and with all that's going on at home - I need it like a hole in the head.
I got a call from this person who basically said " You are not going to like this - but would you make a dessert for my party ?"

I explained that I had rather a lot on and that desserts were not my thing. I offered ( half heartedly ) to make a salad. She said no, she didn't want a salad she wanted a dessert and why didn't I just buy a dessert for her if I was too busy to make one.

Have I become too mean and selfish or is this beyond the pail ( or should that be pale - I never know !! ) ?

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Girly · 05/05/2003 17:50

I just do not understand some people, i would never dream of asking someone to bring something and then not to acknowledge it. Rude if you ask me. Friends help each other because they want to not because they feel obligated. Sound like a friend you could do without.

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SoupDragon · 05/05/2003 18:09

TBH, I wouldn't bother thanking her for the party. Did she thank you for the dessert?? I'd let the whole friendship drop.

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whymummy · 05/05/2003 18:22

i will have to say something you paid good money for it,and what if you had made it??,all that time cooking,washing etc,sorry but she shouldn`t get away with it!!

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crystaltips · 05/05/2003 18:22

SoupDragon - It's soooo tempting to do nothing. But I feel that I ( at least ) should acknowledge the effort that she made.
As for the friendship - I totally agree with you

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crystaltips · 05/05/2003 18:24

whymummy - I'm not very good at confrontation. I'm more from the "silent and frosty brigade". But I do want her to get the message !

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whymummy · 05/05/2003 18:44

cristaltips i also avoid confrontation but she should at least know how annoying it was,is like when you give someone a present and they never say wheter they liked it or not wich i find really rude,i always have to say "did you like it?"so maybe just ask if she liked it because you want to order another one for you

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SoupDragon · 05/05/2003 19:09

Are you sure she made the effort? Maybe you should thank all the other guests instead - who knows what they had to bring

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crystaltips · 05/05/2003 20:10

The party started at 8.30 so we went out for a PDD ( Pre-Dinner-Drink ) with a 3 other couples beforehand. 1 girl was "told" to make a salad and another made another pud.
Begs the question what the hostess did actually do. Needless to say the other guests were just as miffed as I was - but at least we got to sample their offerings !

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Chinchilla · 05/05/2003 20:22

Your 'friend' sounds a complete b*tch. I would be so annoyed about the pudding not being brought out that I would probably have asked her right out and then regretted it later! I don't know about you Crystaltips, but I want to know what happened to it...please find out and let us know!

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Dahlia · 05/05/2003 20:56

I'd tell her to nob off.

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crystaltips · 07/05/2003 16:56

The pudding saga continues.....

Went to lunch with a pal and this friend was also there. She was rather "gushy" about her party. She said in her most sincere voice - "thank you all for you lovely presents"
I said "what did I get you?"
She confessed that she did not know so I rolled my eyes and sighed and said "nothing"!!

I sadly think that it was wasted on her!

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pupuce · 07/05/2003 17:03

Oh you should have asked about the pudding... it's a good soap your therad... I am hooked

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Mum2Toby · 07/05/2003 17:07

I've just cyber-slapped her for you.

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pie · 07/05/2003 17:13

PRESENT?????

Since when do you insist against a friends will that they bring a 'present' to your party??

How delusional LOL

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crystaltips · 07/05/2003 17:17

I just love all your responses - it helps me keep things in perspective and make me realise that it's not just me being unreasonable.
Just thought I would say to her that she didn't get a present - and perhaps she will wonder why?

Silly Cow !!

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Clarinet60 · 08/05/2003 15:54

crystaltips, she's mad.
I think perhaps you should ask her out for a coffee and get to the bottom of this. Ask her what she meant by 'presents', pointing out that she didn't exactly give anyone a choice, listen to what she says, then try and evaluate it all again. If you still come up with this delusional nonsense, then as Marina suggests (on other thread?), cease contact and hopefully she will drop you. I know it will be hard, since you have other friends in common, but just avoid things that you know she will also be attending for a while.

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eidsvold · 08/05/2003 19:13

She is a total fruit cake .... i would leave her to her own little delusional world sans anymore of your puds.. actually a very runny blancmange over her head springs to mind....

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meanmum · 08/05/2003 19:16

Fruitcake is an understatement. She's from a different planet.

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Flip

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