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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

Friends taking advantage ( again )

68 replies

crystaltips · 28/04/2003 22:35

I am meant to be going to a "friend's" party this weekend - and with all that's going on at home - I need it like a hole in the head.
I got a call from this person who basically said " You are not going to like this - but would you make a dessert for my party ?"

I explained that I had rather a lot on and that desserts were not my thing. I offered ( half heartedly ) to make a salad. She said no, she didn't want a salad she wanted a dessert and why didn't I just buy a dessert for her if I was too busy to make one.

Have I become too mean and selfish or is this beyond the pail ( or should that be pale - I never know !! ) ?

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beetroot · 30/04/2003 09:02

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crystaltips · 01/05/2003 11:34

Bullied ! COuldn't have put it better myself.

What really annoys me is that I am 38 - and let's face it - far too old to feel intimidated.

But that's exactly how I feel

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Meanmum · 01/05/2003 11:45

She sounds like a crappy friend if she is bullying you into something. If she was even a semi close friend then she would have picked up on your hesitation or at least known you aren't into making puds. Doesn't sound like a friend at all.

I always offer to bring something when my friends are having a party and even if they say no I take something. They know I'll do that and that I love to make cakes and puds so now always just tell me to bring a pud when I offer. I think we are all pretty much the same here and agree that if it's on the invite then it's no big deal but to be put on the spot at the last minute and then when offering to make something else not even ackowledging your offer and accepting it but insisting you bring something you don't want is poor form in my opinion.

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ks · 01/05/2003 11:56

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crystaltips · 04/05/2003 14:04

How d'you rate this ?
Took the pud over yesterday afternoon to this "Friend". Funnily enough no thanks.
Arrived later at the party - had a nice time. Ate the food - but my pudding had not even been put out. So we didn't get to eat it.
She's probably enjoying it now with her family for Sunday Lunch !!
Just shows that next time I SHALL say not and mean it!
What a cheek !

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crystaltips · 04/05/2003 14:14

could also say no !

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WedgiesMum · 04/05/2003 14:24

Gasps is horror!

What a flippin' cheek when you'd gone to all that trouble and everything. Some people don't deserve friends like you.

right, tell me where she lives I'll send DS round to talk about his itchy bottom!

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whymummy · 04/05/2003 14:33

i will send her a card saying "thank you for the party glad everyone enjoyed my pud!!"

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outofpractice · 04/05/2003 15:10

Sometimes we get stuck with "friends" that we don't like any more, but sometimes I wonder if it is best to keep seeing them anyway. I spring cleaned a lot of friends who were always getting on my nerves or upsetting me, when ds was a baby. Now I just have a few really good friends, but my social life is much quieter. Another friend said, "Shallow, selfish and superficial people are the ones who tend to have lots of friends and a great social life, and you have got to keep in with them." I suppose crystaltips can't alienate this friend, if she wants to keep going to her parties, which she still enjoys, and meets other people there. But, how often do you really like the mates of people you don't like? Right now, there is one "friend" that really bugs me. She keeps sending me postcards every month, really patronizing, regardless of whether I get in touch or not. 2 years ago, I actually told her that I was fed up of the way she treated me as if having a baby made me handicapped, and acted as if I had a terminal condition and it was an act of charity to ring me. She always says things like, "Oh, how are you managing? It must be so difficult," but never offers any help. When I say, "Actually, I am doing really well and we had a great weekend," or whatever, she goes, "Yes, you always try to be cheerful in spite of everything." I even took another friend to a party she had, for a 2nd opinion to see if I was being too nasty, and after 1 hour she just wanted to get out too, so we left and went for a drink elsewhere! I then got a card from the "friend" asking was I OK as we did not stay long, and wondering if I had any problems that I needed to deal with! How could I say, "Actually, your friends were really pretentious and we just wanted to get out"? I think crystaltips should have a party and play the same trick on the "friend".

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eidsvold · 04/05/2003 16:17

Oh crystal - what a nerve.... You could ask her next time you speak if there was something wrong with the pudding as you noticed it had not been put out on the night of the party..

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WideWebWitch · 04/05/2003 16:55

Oh, how annoying crystaltips! I'd find it very hard not to call her and ask what happened to it...if you do, let us know, I'd love to hear her explanation.

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pie · 04/05/2003 16:58

Just out of curiousity crystaltips did you end up buying a pudding or making it? How much trouble did you decide to go to in the end?

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crystaltips · 04/05/2003 17:00

Ordered one - and very nice it looked too. Cost me £15 Would have liked to know if it was worth it.
DH was looking forward to it as he said that we should both take a huge piece each to "get our money's worth "

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WideWebWitch · 04/05/2003 17:10

Whaaat? Are you sure she got it? Was it sent direct to her house? In which case, incredibly rude.

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Marina · 04/05/2003 19:03

That's clinched it for me, crystal, she hogged it for family lunch I suspect. I think she was incredibly rude and would also love to hear what she said for herself if you feel you can tackle her about it. Or next time syringe a whole bottle of Califig somewhere unobtrusive into the pudding...

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whymummy · 04/05/2003 19:06

marina is that a laxative??if so great idea

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eidsvold · 04/05/2003 19:16

OH Marina - that is brilliant..... love it.

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crystaltips · 04/05/2003 19:17

I took the thing round to her house myself. SHe took it from me and dismissed me fairly sharply after that.
What made me laugh is that she was boasting that she'd invited 86 ( at last count ). I worked out that there were 50 there max.
Maybe the rest of them were still making their puddings!!

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whymummy · 04/05/2003 19:46

lol crystallips

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whymummy · 04/05/2003 19:47

crystal lips?? crystaltips sorry

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beetroot · 04/05/2003 20:43

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Batters · 04/05/2003 22:58

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LIZS · 05/05/2003 14:25

Ask her whether the pudding was off - after all you'd like to have the opportunity to complain to the manufacturer if there was a problem and can't if it is safely tucked away in her family's stomachs ! You could phone to "thank" her for the do and casually add that you hope there wasn't a problem as you realised afterwards that it had n't appeared.

Cheeky so and so, wonder if she did it to anyone else's offering ?

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mum2toby · 05/05/2003 14:34

CHEEKY C*W!!

Oh pleeeease Crystaltips, tell us you've asked her about it! It would be really interesting to hear her stuttering response when put on the spot about it.

Regardless of the parties/social life that she brings I would ditch this so-called 'friend', she doesn't know the meaning of the word friendship.

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crystaltips · 05/05/2003 17:47

Truthfully - I cannot be bothered to phone her to thank her for the party as I am still rather miffed. I shall write a rather luke warm thank you and let her stew.
Hopefully she is dreading our first "encounter".
Past caring really - as it's a good excuse to cool things for a while.
What's the point in surrounding yourself with people like that !!
I DO have to laugh though at her cheek. Some people think that they can get away with it.

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