Discovered something which has made me feel sick

[thrown]

I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for five.

I just found out that when he was a teenager (18/19) he punched his younger sister in the stomach during an argument- she is a couple of years younger than him. She told me this in passing this afternoon when we were discussing something else.

This was around 12 years ago. He has never been violent or anything close to it to me, or his sister (or anyone else), since we have been together. And he has expressed very strong (negative) feelings about men who hit women. Violence just isn't something I would associate with him at all.

Apparently he apologised at the time and then again some years later. For her part, his sister says that is what they were like as teenagers. They get along well now, the odd argument aside.

I am very shocked that he could ever have behaved this way and it is making me question the man he is.

I just wanted to get it out.

Sounds like a normal teenage thing to do. I smashed my sister round the ancle with the end of the hoover pole once, terrible! If you have had no problems with your dh I would not even give what you have mentioned at second thought.

Thanks again guys.... It still makes me shudder to think of it happening. But the fact that it stood out for my SIL as a lone incident makes me feel better (especially after reading some of these stories!). Also the fact that he apologised again some years after the event- he still remembered/regretted it. And the fact that the thought of him doing this now is impossible.

My big brother used to be very cruel to me. He pinned me down and shoved a pair of disgusting dirty socks that he'd hiked 10 miles in in my mouth once so I couldn't breathe and often used to hit me.

He's a lovely man now and we get on great. I just get my DS's to beat him up now mind you they are only 5 and 8!!

It's just siblng stuff. Nothing to worry about.

BTW My brother has apologised many times for his teenage behaviour. thrown it just shows that your DH knows it was wrong. It would be more worrying if he thought it was acceptable behaviour.

Ooooh ActingNormal - I have just found this!
It sounds ridiculous but I am really pleased to have found someone else who understands what I experienced.

I was really crushed just by reading this thread - that apparently siblings bashing eachother is normal. I guess it is okay if you then go on to make up, be friends and have a laugh

I didnt experience any of that. I spent hours and hours alone in my room so as to be safe. Once when I knew I would be alone in the house with him for a lot of the next day I crept downstairs at 11pm, made myself sandwiches and drinks for the next day and just hid

If my kids are playing and reach for my ankles I shout for them to stop

I still cant bear banana skins (dont ask!)

YurtGirl, if you ever feel like emailing me I'm on [email protected]

Punching, pinching and very rarely biting all done between sibs when parents not looking. None of us are violent as adults and we get on well. I'm surprised some sibs didn't have physical fights when younger.

TBH it sounds normal to me, there is only a couple of years between my brother and I and we used to rip each other to pieces when we were younger and in our teens.

We get on like a house on fire now and are very close, we just hated each others guts when we were younger.

My brother was 2 years older than me and used to beat me up something terrible. He dragged me down the stairs by my hair once. I often used to lock myself in the bathroom to hide as I was so scared of him - he'd then ttrash my bedroom.

We get on really well now and he's a nice, calm, non-violent person. I think that teenagers may struggle with self control/anger more, dunno if its due to hormones or just something that needs to be learned. Teenagers are still children.

I think this is probably very common behaviour. I grew up with three brothers and we were always fighting and I mean physically. That's the way most boys are I think. I have two teenage sons who are constantly wrestling and hurting each other. With teenage hormones all over the place they sometimes go too far. As a child I always gave as good as I got and have some very dirty moves (like digging your heel into the back of their calves). They behave like any other male baby animal, though sometimes don't know when to stop. Don't worry.

Also, I too have scars. On my knees where my elder brother pushed me onto broken glass. One on my chin where he threw coal at me and another on my forehead where he pushed me off a swing. A pattern here? Only my older brother really tried to hurt me. My two younger brothers would wrestle but fond of me. I wonder if it's because he was an only child before I usurped him. And of course I was a daddy's girl. And I was seriouly ill for a while so he was pushed out I suppose.

My DP kicked his sister, mis-aimed and kicked her head & knocked her out!!

He has never, in the 23 years since, done anything remotely liek it again!

Umm ladies?? This is a 6 months old thread.

It's so weird when this happens.

have just realised that

My brother had always beaten me up when we were growing up. He has a short temper. My parents really should have tried to do something about it but, like Yurtgirl, I think they always assumed I had 'asked for it'.

When we were in our late 20s, my brother totally lost it and kicked me repeatedly. I think it reaffirmed to me that he really, genuinely, has zero respect for me. It's almost like he doesn't regard me as a proper person worthy of respect.

Recently, he's almost completely cut me out of his life for no apparent reason. So these days I find myself reflecting more on how he has treated me in the past and finding myself getting very angry at how he behaved.

sibling violence is not abnormal in your teens. I slapped my bro really hard across the face once (with my mum's permission, he was being soooo vile) but would never do that as I got older. Or do it to anyone else (although it's tempting sometimes).

Oops.

One punch?

I remember my sister and brother doing so much worse - the worst I think was when she tried to hang him over the bathroom door with a belt.......