Discovered something which has made me feel sick

[thrown]

I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for five.

I just found out that when he was a teenager (18/19) he punched his younger sister in the stomach during an argument- she is a couple of years younger than him. She told me this in passing this afternoon when we were discussing something else.

This was around 12 years ago. He has never been violent or anything close to it to me, or his sister (or anyone else), since we have been together. And he has expressed very strong (negative) feelings about men who hit women. Violence just isn't something I would associate with him at all.

Apparently he apologised at the time and then again some years later. For her part, his sister says that is what they were like as teenagers. They get along well now, the odd argument aside.

I am very shocked that he could ever have behaved this way and it is making me question the man he is.

I just wanted to get it out.

Thrown - My brother bullied me physically and emotionally from when he was 3 til he was 20 (obviously was slightly different when he was little!)

When I was seven I screamed at him "when you grow up and someone is stupid enough to marry you I will tell them about what you are really like" or 7yo words to that effect

He got married recently I was terribly torn about whether to chat to his fiance about it - I didnt in the end though

He seems so different now and clearly loves his wife so I couldnt see what difference my talking would make

I threw a brick at my brother when I was 10 nd he was 9. It hit him on the back of the leg and made him bleed. I also pushed him over in the kitchen and he cut his head open on a drawer handle.

I don't do that kind of thing any more. Am quite safe, as I'm sure, is your man.

My sister bit a chunk of flesh out of my back once. I regularly used to thump her. And let's not get into the mental abuse double

Fighting is normal for siblings. Dunno why, but it is.

I really wouldn't worry about it.

not only is sibling fighting pretty normal, but anyone who did something stupid and unpleasant in their teens but who has been a good person for 10 years should be regarded as thoroughly rehabilitated. I once 'forgave' a bloke I copped off with for owning up to having been to a Skrewdriver gig when he was 13: he was quite aware of how it sounded and simply said that he had been too young to know any better.

Blimey, scrappy bunch you lot, aren't you?! Makes me feel better though.

Every now and then I have conversations with his family that make me realise that my husband was a rather unpleasant teenager- but I think solidgoldsneeze you have put your finger on what I need to remember: he left this behaviour behind over a decade ago. As a man he is very different from the teenager he was.

I think "rather unpleasant" is part of the job description for teenagers

I genuinely believe that the only relationship in which physical violence is NOT a sign of complete disfunction is that between siblings.

My brother and I used to beat the shit out of each other on a fairly regular basis, until we were both heading towards our twenties, and we are now, more or less, responsible members of society, kind to animals, give money to charity, buy organic chicken, etc. I think our violence toawrds each other was quite normal; certianly we have always been close. He's the only person who has ever made we want to punch him in the face, but then, he's the only person who makes me scream with laughter until I can't breath properly.

I think that brothers and sisters always beat each other up, and an eighteen year old punching his sister is not neceassarily a sign of latent misogyny or secret psychopathy.

My friend's brothers used to thrash each other so soundly that they were questioned by Social Services about possible child abuse. They just used to like a good ruck.

thrown, my brother is a great brother, really get on well with him now and he's been extremely helpful to me since split with x. He also doled out a few thumps when we were young! He never did it past school days though. I could get a quick thump if my elbow went into his 'airspace' in the back of the car. He threw an alarm clock at my head once and my mum just said "well, you went in to his rooooom".

Do you only have sisters?

This thread has made me laugh out loud remembering the crap that my sister and I used to do to each other, the worst being that my sister deliberatly slammed a wardrobe door onto all of my toes, giving me a couple of broken ones and all black toenails. She lost it with me once (I was more verbally dextrous than her, and might have been winding her up) and she spent a good 5 minutes windmilling me with her fists. That hurt....a lot.

The violence did stop by the time we reached out mid teens, but boys are stupid and where girls are in their mid teens, boys are at aged 18, 19, 20. My DH took his uncles car at a BBQ and drove it into a lamppost (with his cousins) just to see how crashing felt , used to put fire works into the metal pole type fences and then fire them at each other...bet that was fun. And finally electrocuted his own sister, by wiring an electric car fan (the type that sit on your dashboard) to the mains and asking her to turn the fan on. She failed to spot the glee and excitement in his request.

My brother and I used to fight as kids. But when we were in our twenties, he once totally lost it over a very minor thing and, in his fury, kicked me. It was quite alarming at the time and it has really made me wonder if he's occasionally violent towards his wife. Perhaps it was just a one off.

My brother hit me quite regularly when we were teenagers but I did torment him so it was quite understandable. Although, I do wonder if threatening me with a Victorian bayonet and a mediaeval ball-and-chain thing was quite normal...... .

He is a very upstanding businessman now who would probably die of shame if I reminded him of any of it!!

ROFL at "He's the only person who has ever made we want to punch him in the face"

That made me laugh out loud!

Stinkermink, this isn't a violence story, but I had some friends round, making pancakes at 1 am one evening, music loudish, but walls of house not pulsating. all very civilised. My brother, 18 months younger than me, storms down the stairs, turns off the gas and takes out the fuse for the electricity. I was so humiliated. My friend thought she could charm the fuse out of her and he threw a z bed at her and told her to fuck off home he was studying for his a levels! you know those foam chair beds?

I thought he was such a bastard.

No, I actually have a big brother! He too was fairly vile as a teenager and is absolutely lovely now. I was subject to the odd thump on the arm etc- but not usually in a fight, it was more to wind me up in the car and make me hit him back. Not in anger.

My DH had a filthy temper as a teen by all accounts. I find the idea of this makes me feel decidedly weird.

Definitely normal. My sisters and I used to have major bitch fights in our teens - slapping/hair pulling/the whole shebang.

Wouldn't treat anyone like that now.

My brother was always punching me when we were growing up. He had an awful temper.

My parents used to tell me to stop telling tales and punch him back, so I did, was then grounded for 2 months for hitting him as I'm older and should have known better. Never forgiven them .

My brother is fine now. It's what siblings do.

My brother hit me so hard when we were younger that I fell to the floor badly winded and couldn't get up for a long time. He's the softest bloke ever and would never, never hit a woman now. It's just what teenage siblings do.

THis thread makes me dread my DD and DS growing up - I'm sure they will be delightful children and be utterly respectful of each other

On that note my DSis still bears a scar on her face where I whacked her with a big stick deliberately and repeatedly, she hung me over the banister once too...

i used to be pretty good at tennis, until my brother dislocated one of my fingers during a scrap, my grip was never the same after that.

My brother and I fought like mad up until the age of about 20.

Both are non violent now

Well my kids are always fighting like this, it's normal, not desirable but normal.

MsMaggieBeauregarde, that sounds a bit violent to me!!

As it is my two fight already, DD is one and DS nearly four. OMG what are they going to be like!!!!

When I was a teenager I chased my brother out of the house with a breadknife

my brother flushed my head down the loo after i stabbed him with a screwdriver
he punched me after i threw a brick at him
we beat the crap out of eachother with saucepans
i used to fight with my brothers and sister constantly when we had been left in the car...my parents used to come back to the car and find the windows all steamed up and us with bloody noses/pulled hair etc etc

but we are all very close now

these are making me laugh. I remember my brother and I fighting over a bottle of coke (big treat) on a boat in France, we literallly fought like cocks over this bottle of coke and it was spilling everywhere and we were screaming! with a FULL audience of French people, saying zut alors, les savages anglaises or something like that. we laughed for a minute when we realised, but then we both STILL wanted the coke!