I ask because my MIL is almost 70, and despite having 6 children, lives alone. This is a recent development because until now she lived with her second son, though he hasn't officially moved out however, he spends a lot of the week at his girlfriend's and so she might go a lot of the week without seeing him. She lives in the same town as 3 of her children: the aforementioned son, and 2 of her daughters. One of these daughters comes to see her once a week but the other seems to ignore her existence unless there is a family gathering (roughly every 4 to 5 weeks). Of her 3 other kids - her youngest daughter lives abroad and has asked her if she wants to live with her but she doesn't (though she gets on with her very well, and this daughter visits several times a year, for several weeks, with both her kids and her dp), presumably because of moving so far away. Her other two sons (of which one is my dh) live in other towns in the UK.
It seems ridiculous that she should be spending so much time alone when I (for example) am at home all the time with one of her grandchildren. I feel that it would be my duty to ask her if she wants to come and live with us - she is my dh's mother etc... She is not extremely mobile (though not disabled) and she is also in need of company. I have also been wondering today whether somebody phones her every day, because if son number 2 doesn't go home for several days, how would anyone know if anything had happened to her eg: she had had a stroke or something like that.
Okay, you might ask, just ask her to come and live with you... Herein lies the problem, I would have to make a very big adjustment. I like lots of things about her and am okay with her for about 3 or 4 days in a row. If tired however, she can be extremely bossy and I think sometimes rude. I know it is normal to behave differently when in a bad mood, but it is not as if I can talk to her as if she were my family. I would lose a lot of freedom if she were to live here because she would be perforce more involved in ds's care and I don't think I could handle this. Already if she stays with us for longer than about 4 days I start to feel edgy because I get the feeling that she is the head of the family and I am one of the employees (occasionally, if she is bossy with me...). I like being in charge in my own home and do not want to be questioned about things. She does have a much softer side, but my position would undeniably change if she were to move in. She is Indian and the Indian family structure is such that the older mother does in fact have a lot of power.
I wouldn't really want to live with my own mother either, the only difference being that I could be more open with her or have fights with her without her going off in high dudgeon.
Is it selfish not to want to ask? I think it is... Ds would certainly be very happy to have another person around and he likes her and I think would certainly learn to rely on her. Does anybody live with either their parents or their in-laws? I would be interested to hear people's opinions.