Serial Suicider - Please Help I'm at a Loss.

[tiredlucy]

My ex has made sveral suicide attempts over the years(really not sure how serious he's been, I've always been around or he's let me know his intentions).

The thing is that whenever we row about something (we're in touch for our dcs)usually involving some horrfic lie he's been caught out in or something bad he's done to somebody else. Then the "threat" is made. The last one was a month ago, he'd taken a couple of tablets and was taken by the police to A & E after I called them.

I then found out something extremely horrendous (devastating) yesterday. He will not talk to me about it, but now the very vague "hints" about what he's going to do have begun. His phone now rings out and he's probably fine, but I'm so angry and worrried at the same time.

He was recently diagnosed with depression and has tablets for that and is seeing a counseller.
I cannot cope with this anymore and when he finally does it, what then?

FBG: It's still NOT LUCY's PROBLEM. She is not responsible for him. It is blatantly obvious that he is doing it to manipulate and control Lucy as otherwise he would either get on and do it or would be pestering other people as well. ANd it sounds like it would be best all round if he did manage to finish the job, but wankers like this are rarely so obliging.

fgs.....don't think its Lucy's responsibility to know whats going on in his head! so up to him what he does.....its all control,control.

once i'd split with my ex,i was in a refuge with 4 kids and the selfish idiot still rang me and said"i'm driving on the m1,fast,going to drive into the next truck i see....put the kids on so i can say goodbye"......will never forget that fear. my friend took my mobile and switched it off. best thing. switch off.

he never did it either!

I can't go into detail about the devastating news, but he did not want me to find out any of the things he had done to me. In the past he's threatened this simply if an argument is not going his way.
The last time I did inform some of his family members in the hope that they'd have a word with him. Obviously that didn't work.
I think he comes to me because he pretends to the world at large to be respectable and a family man, I know his real character so he comes to me, I don't think that makes sense.
I don't know if I should have mentioned, but his own father committed suicide when he was a boy, apparently he was always threatening too just like him. He sometimes behaves in a fatalistic way because of this.
I'll be quite honest, what he as done to me over the years has been shocking and cruel. He is selfish, cruel and heartless. If it were not for the children I would wish him dead with all my heart as wrong as that may be.

Could you ask your doctor advice on how you can handle these threats so you don't feel guilty.

Not once have I said it was Lucy's fault or problem.

My ex goes through times like this. She's tried it enough times that she knows how many paracetomol she can get away with taking that will cause lots of panic and attention but not cause her lasting harm. Yet. So far she's got away with it but I can't ignore the fact that she's taking some huge risks.

I truly don't see my ex's behaviour with this as a plea for help as much as either a demand for attention or a smokescreen to detract attention away from something else - she's done both. Either way I think it's more manipulation on her part (one book I read described this kind of thing as "emotional terrorism") than any serious attempt on her life.

I did some checking around and the best advice I got was to phone an ambulance for her. Don't engage in conversation or debate, as soon as she tells me she's taken a load of pills I say "Stay where you are, I'm calling an ambulance for you", then put the phone down and dial 999. I am neither a doctor nor a psychiatrist - although I may suspect my ex is not being serious about her suicide attempts, I cannot know that for sure and I cannot know if this is the time when she misjudges how many pills she can get away with.

Once I've phoned for an ambulance then that's the end of my involvement. I've done the best I can, which is to summon trained help.

Interestingly enough, the last time I did that she then turned the ambulance away. This was 18mo ago and while she's still alive, I haven't had her try this on with me since.

Good tactics, Snorbs. Sometimes this works on parasuicides who are silly and self-obsessed as the contempt with which the emergency services treat them can bring them up sharply: in the case of Lucy's XP if he is someone who likes to pretend to be Mr Respectable, again, having the emergency services involved and perhaps a bollocking for wasting police time might put a stop to his tricks for a while.

A paracetomol overdose can cause lasting damage in the long term though.

Jux, you're absolutely right. Paracetomol in any sizeable dose is hugely toxic to the liver. In my ex's case she regularly gives her liver a good kicking anyway as she's an alcoholic. As such, I think getting some professional medical expertise involved is the best thing I can do.