How has YOUR mother helped you to become a mother?

[MrsMerryHenry]

I am interested to know what sort of support mothers give to their daughters from the moment they first become pregnant, until...ad infinitum! For example, was your mum the first person you told? Did she give you advice/ help out?

This thread has really struck a chord with me. My mum died when I was 3 and I think I have only recently started to face my grief. And its grief for a person I don't know and can't remember, which is hard.

My children are DS, 4yrs and DD, 2.5 yrs, and I have coped fine really with motherhood up until now. I've tended to do what I think a good mum would do based on the kind of warm and fuzzy disney type of mums in books and films. However my daughter is now the age that I was when my mum's illness was diagnosed and it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Anyway I won't harp on but I did post about this in the bereavement section recently and there were some really thoughtful replies which MrsMerryHenry and Cosmosis might want to read.

I do really feel for those whose mothers have not been positive ones, you should be very proud not to be repeating their mistakes.

So sorry to hear that Fimblehobbs.

I like your idea of a warm and fuzzey disney mum I'll go and have a look for your other thread.

My Mum and Dad came over from Sweden to help- and they did help. I particularly remember my second baby, when dd was jealous and insecure, dh was very tired with working and looking after dd, and I had been quite ill. My Mum got up for the night feed and sat and talked to me so I wouldn't fall asleep and drop the baby, then did the nappy change. My Dad did the same for the early morning feed. My Mum badgered dh into buying an electric breast pump, which I really needed. They stayed for as long as I needed them- and then left.

They have me and all my brothers and all our children staying every summer; this means I can give my dcs a 6 week beach holiday every year, despite dh and my modest income. They feed us and look after us in every way.

When ds was diagnosed with a potentially crippling joint disorder last week, my Mum's first response was 'do you want me to come? I can be there at a day's notice.' And I know she would- whatever happened to us, she'd be there.

They were good parents too. I know alot of what is best about my parenting is what I have learnt from them.

My mum wasn't very interested when I was pregnant. She behaved very oddly indeed. However once DS was here she has transferred all her love to him. She adores him and looks after him 5 days a week whilst we both work. Amazing commitment. Wish she sometimes asked how I am.

constantly writing - maybe she is tired?

my mum was great at teaching me how not to do it

dont have kids if you are not going to care for them!

dont walk out and never look back

children do not ask to be born

Ha! Good point. I think she is tired. But very happy - she is much more positive since having him every day so I think it's been a good thing overall for her. She is VERY good with babies and kids. It's hard having her look after him. I never wanted to go back to work so a difficult relationship. I sometimes don't feel like he's mine which is not very good, but not her fault. She avoids any conversation with me about anything other than him which is a shame. It didn't used to be like this. Things changed when I was a teenager and never really went back.

awww constantly writing - it sounds like you would really like things to be different....

maybe you could be really open and see what she says?

My Mum gave me a role model. I could clearly remember how she brought my siblings and I up and with a few changes here and there I do the same with my children. I strongly believe that the early years of a child's life are about providing a loving secure environment with age-relevant boundaries.