How has YOUR mother helped you to become a mother?

[MrsMerryHenry]

I am interested to know what sort of support mothers give to their daughters from the moment they first become pregnant, until...ad infinitum! For example, was your mum the first person you told? Did she give you advice/ help out?

My mother still is adament that if she had her time over again, she would NOT have children.

Apparently, our negatives outweigh our positives.

Mum helped us buy stuff for the baby when I was pregnant.

That was pretty much the totality of her positive contribution.

I could go on and on about her negative contribution, but that's for another thread.

Oh and she paid for prenatal classes.

she hasn't!! quite the opposite at times.....

My mother helped me so much as l now do everything she did not.

She was very controllinga neat freak and l was never allowed frinds over to play or more than 1 toy at a time.
Periods and breast development were NEVER discussed- luckily l was a late developer and bought my owm stuff with my saturday job money !!!
When l was pregnant she was so angry (her first GC) as l was adopted and going to experience what she could not. I tried to include her in appointments and scans etc but l was rejected each time.

So now l have 3 happy DC's-a messy noisy house and friends of my 14 year old DD2 think l am "cool" . By doing exactly the opposite of what was done to me.
I encourage my DC's to talk to me about anything---sometimes l wish my 18year old DS would speak to his dad IYKWIM but l am just so glad we have the type of relationship that he feels he can talk to me.

So yes my mother taught me exactly how to be a mother......

my mum did not give me advice etc - which was absolutely the right thing to do!

she is a fab grandma and babysitter and shows her love and support in that way

nappy changing/shopping advice/feeding advice were not offered and quite rightly would not have been welcome

I guess I am very close to my mum, and she has been a star throughout both pregnancies...

Yes, she was the first person I told (after DH) when I found out I was pregnant. Both times, she was amazing in the practical support she gave me - when I was really sick, she washed clothes for me and did some ironing, when I was struggling with DD2, she would have DD1 so I could have a sleep and a break. She also helped us financially, buying lots of bits for us - the cot and so on.

She was with me for the labour (and DH too), and was the person who told me to knuckle down and get on with it, when I was having wobbles! She looked after me after my second labour when things didn't go right. When I was kept in hospital, she went back to my house and cleaned it top to bottom so I didn't have to worry about it when I got home (I knew she was doing that).

After the second baby came, she came round every day to look after me - depsite that she was one of the last persons to actually spend time and cuddle the baby (I wasn't in a good way after the labour). Now, she has the girls twice a week for me and she is a fab granny. She never offers advice unless asked for (but then gives good advice) and always tells me I'm doing a fab job with the girls. When she has the girls she always looks after them the way I want them looked after - even if she disagrees and she won't comment either (although I know her well enough to know she'd do it differently!). She regularly has the girls to stay the night so me and my hubby can have a night off, and she takes them on holiday for a long weekend every year. The girls love her and she adores them. As a result, they have a fab relationship and they even call her house 'home' (as well as ours).

I hope to be a mum like her and a granny like her too. She really is a great role model and I've learnt soo much from her, even though she is so unassuming. I hope one day I'll be half the granny she has been to me and my girls.

She has helped me being a good mother by her being a shite one. What she has done, I dont do with my kids. I am a better mother for it!

I have nothing to thank her for.

I've got the best mum ever
She was the second person I told after DH (would have been the first, but my dad answered the phone, and as it was his birthday I thought I should tell him first). She listened to me moan all the way through pregnancy (I hated being pregnant), and retired from work a month before DS was born so she could be available whenever I needed her once baby arrived. She reassured me about actually giving birth when the big day loomed, without sugar coating it at all, (saying if she could give birth to a 10lb 12oz baby after a 5 hour labour then anything was possible!)
DS is now 7 weeks old, she comes to see me at least once a week (despite living an hour away, and having to go on the M25, which she hates). While she's here she helps me with housework, or just looks after DS while I have some sleep. She's the only person other than DH that I would leave DS with, and if I'm half the mum to him that she is to my brother and I then he'll be a very lucky boy.

In my family, actions speak louder than words. My mum is not big on praise or criticism; she doesn't give much advice either.

But when she comes to stay, she cooks our dinner, gets up with the DCs, puts them to bed, takes them on trips and just generally gives me a break and dotes on them.

She is interested in their smallest achievement and reassuring about the slightest problem. She makes me feel like a good mum and I think my DCs are lucky to have her as their grandma.

Mum has been beyond wonderful since I became a mum. She is completely supportive and see's the dc's a few times a week. Her own mum suffered from puerperal (sp?) psychosis after having children then spent 25 years in a mental hospital and couldn't help my mum when she had me and my sister. And she never gives my dc's junk food or buys them toys, she keeps it to books,money and taking them to see the ducks! I love my mum . I know I'm very very lucky.

my mother kindly showed me thru my childhood how NOT to be a mum, so I guess she helped in a weird-round-a-bout way.

I had the same as ElenorRigby from my aunt as a 'present' for my first period too!!! (along with the tip that she would never allow my clothes in the wash when I had my period in case I 'contaminated' her stuff. I had to soak and hand wash everything I wore during my period).

my MIL was the one who can be honoured with showing me how to be a proper mum!!!

My mum has also been really brilliant.

She just seems to give me the impression that she is proud of me (and I'm pretty sure she doesn't agree with everything I do, but she holds her tongue). She only gives advice if asked, and because of that I do confide in her.

She and my dad have babysat overnight whenever we have needed it, since DS1 was 8 weeks old.

She seems to understand and accept my DSs. She is very patient and recognises their differences.

She is also very supportive of my DH, whose own mum died when DS1 was 2

I am very lucky

My Mother has been terrific actually. She is a great Mum, always supportive, will help us in any way she can...she has never corrected me in my parenting of dd, she has never criticised or undermined a single decision I have made in respect of dd, she tells me a lot what a happy little girl she is and what a good job I am doing. She gives me great confidence that I am doing okay. She is great actually - I don't think enough about this. Thanks whoever started this thread!

Haribo!

Thread hijack

Did you do the Moonwalk, or decide against it?

no my mum was pretty pants.

which has taught me to be better with mine - so indirectly its been a good thing

my mum has been great- sadly she lives far away and has a lot of other responsibilities so cant be around as much as she would like but I feel I can go to her for advice or anything and if I needed support or there was an emergency she would be here

I can see sometimes she would have made other choices of might have doubts about how I do things eg she was a bit over BF- but that wasnt the experience of her generation, when she saw how well it works for me and DS she was really pleased and very complementary

But then unlike some of the mothers described above she is not obsessed with her mummy role and is quite happy that we are adults who can make independant decisions, since that was the main thing she tried to instill in us

None whatsoever,she wasn't speaking to anyway when I had dd1 (falling out over my wedding)But then like a previous poster she gave me no help at puberty either,I am still waiting for the talk about periods,or the pack of STs.She did buy me a bra,when I had already been wearing one in secret for about six months after mockery at school (I was 15).

Like so many others, I resolved to be nothing like my mum! I try to be the mum I would have wanted to have. It's been a lot easier than I thought. I resolved to always tell my children I was happy to spend time with them, however sick of them I really was, to tell them they were beautiful whatever I really thought... then they were born, and they really were beautiful and wonderful to be with! My resolutions were unnecessary.

I could understand why my mum wasn't happy about my first daughter. My now-husband and I hadn't been together very long. Stupidly I thought she'd be happy about the second, though. We were married, both working, we had a house. I told her my happy news and she sighed and said 'Will my daughters ever stop disappointing me?'

She's never babysat, even when well. A lot of the time she's ill though.

In the very unusual event of me feeling ill, I feel terribly guilty for upsetting my children. As soon as I feel well again I announce it, expecting amazement. They take it calmly, of course! It's only me who expects midnight ambulances and lengthy hospital stays every time a mother is ill!

My mum has been fantastic since about 2 minutes after she found out. When I told her she was going to be a Granny her first response was 'oh, you're getting a cat' but this was mainly because I'd been making 'not yet' noises about children while we were TTC as it was stressful enough without anyone else knowing. As soon as she realised DS was going to be a real granchild she got very over-excited (I'm the youngest of 3 sisters and she had been giving up hope a bit).

She cooked me lovely food throughout my pregnancy, dotes on DS, has been totally supportive of everthing I've done (BLW - 'it's amazing what modern babies are capable of doing' was my favourite comment ), looks after DS whenever she gets the chance and will have him 2 days a week when I go back to work.

I know this is unusual but my MICL is great as well.

We're very lucky to live locally to both of them as well so they get to be involved a lot.

I really hoped that caring supportive mum's would have vastly been in the majority in this thread. I really sad to see so many with similar experience of their mother to me.

On the plus side my mother although she doesnt do anything for DD does like her and is nearly always pleased to see her.

mine is brilliant, from being the first person I told I was pregnant, and her being really pleased for me .. because I was happy.. to showing my right through out my life how to be a mum.

she listens.. never judges out loud.. is always on the end of a phone and would be at my side asap if I needed her.

she'll make suggestions if there is an issue.. but always says would do you think you should do.

When I've been ill she has stepped in my mum shoes for the dc's. she's just fab.

My mum helped me by being the fantastic, loving, involved, helpful mum I aspire to become.

She was interested and involved in every stage of the pg - and never failed to tell me how well I looked and how well I was doing.

Ditto when DS was born. And she travelled 70 miles once a week to spend the day with us and give me a break.

We talk most days, and she gives up one day a week to care for DS while I work AND says it's a privilege. They have the most amazing, loving relationship.

The only thing I wouldn't do like her, is that she learned to be a mum by being the opposite to the bitter, sociopathic witch who birthed her. So she still carries a lot of anxiety and must-do-better with her. Thanks to her, I don't have that.

You know, I do thank her a lot but I should do it more often...

my mum lives 5000 miles away, but she was always on the end of the phone. she's given me lots of support, not in terms of advice, which she's brilliant at keeping her nose out of, but just a kind ear.

her best parenting advice is:

'ah well, just muddle through and it'll turn out fine.' has so far!