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Original poster

Does everyone else find real people fighting videos sick?

32 replies

Supercherry · 15/05/2009 20:07

Or is it just me. Just found a load of them on DP's phone. One is where a teenage boy wails this woman up the face, I didn't watch anymore. I asked DP if he liked them- he said he thought they were funny and actually the woman lamps the man. I just feel sickened and I can't stand the thought of my partner liking them.

Am I just being really fucking hormonal here or am I right to be sickened? I just said to him I hate violence, I grew up watching my dad be violent to my mum, my ex was violent, I can't stand violence.

This has upset me, he just rolled his eyes and said 'whatever' as if to say here we go again. I do have really strong reactions to things. I can't help it. I can't hide my feelings, it's just not me.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Supercherry · 15/05/2009 20:11

To add, DP has always made himself out to be someone who hates seeing people fight and I've actually seen him break up a fight in a pub before. This was when we first met when he blatantly put on a front.

It's as if the longer I know him the more I am seeing his true colours.

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 15/05/2009 20:14

Why are you snooping on his phone in the first place?
I don't think the problem is his taste in video clips - it sounds like you want him to be something he is not and feel entitled to control his choices of entertainment and tell him how to think. He's allowed to think differently from you, you know. Lots of people watch horror, action, and violent films and do not behave violently.

Original poster
Supercherry · 15/05/2009 20:22

They're not pretend, they are real. It's on a par with 'happy slapping' or whatever it's called. Taking pleasure in watching people suffer? I find that disturbing. Surely it's a sick kind of person who enjoys that? Or at the very least a really immature one?

I wasn't 'snooping' we do look at each other's phones, usually there are just vids of our son on there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Supercherry · 15/05/2009 20:34

..and he can think however he wants I just wish he had been a bit more open about the type of person he was when I first met him so I coud've chosen not to bother.

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 15/05/2009 22:11

What other evidence have you got about the 'type of person he is'? Because this really is sounding like a whiny controlling over-reaction. Unless you know that the video clips are of real people (ie he is filming his friends/neighbours/work colleagues fighting for his amusement or something) they are probably viral media nonsense and all set up anyway.

Original poster
Supercherry · 16/05/2009 08:28

Thanks for your reply Solidgold, just wanted to know if my reaction to these videos was 'normal' but as no-one else has replied I am none the wiser.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 16/05/2009 08:36

dunno

if it was curiosity on his part and it was a one off have a look at something, I wouldn't think anything of it

but if it's something he likes doing, well, that would make me feel a bit icky I think

I think there's a big difference between watching action films and downloading vids of 'real' fights though as solidgold said, they are almost certainly set up for the camera

ultimately, we're all entitled to our own opinions so don't belittle your own opinion about something just because others happen to like it (same goes for things like porn etc.) and if you aren't comfortable with it, then you have every right to say so.

Nighbynight · 16/05/2009 08:37

well, I would like to know if my dp found violent movie clips of muggings funny.
I am afraid I would find it weird and sickening, and I am not at all hormonal. It is not normal to have this sort of stuff on your phone - where is it coming from anyway?

poshsinglemum · 16/05/2009 08:42

It sounds very dodgy really. Sounds very immature too. I wouldn't find this funny and I wouldn't find a man who did find them funny attractive.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/05/2009 15:10

I would find it pretty horrible as well. I wouldn't expect my DH to find that amusing at all. If someone sent it to his mobile I think he would delete it and think it was pretty off of the person to send it.
I'm the kind of person who thinks there is something very wrong with people who enjoy watching ultra-violent movies (hostel, saw types) anyway, so maybe I'm judgemental too?

Original poster
Supercherry · 16/05/2009 18:31

Thank you for replying, it's reassuring to know I'm not just a 'whiny, overreactor' and that some people feel the same.

My DP is so not the man I thought he was when we met, he did a really good job of pulling the wool over my eyes, I'll give him that. For the record, I don't want to control people or change them, I just want people to be themselves so I can make life changing decisions that are based on reality and truth and not a big pile of bullshit.

Obviously, the video thing is just the latest issue here. They looked real but obviously I can't prove that.

Nighbynight, he got them from a mate at work. He's deleted them now (I didn't ask him to), we haven't talked about it since my little outburst last night. There's not much point anyway- he likes them and that's it really so I can either like it or lump it. can't I?

Thanks Foxinsocks, for reminding me that my opinions are valid even if no-one agrees with me.

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 17/05/2009 00:37

But does he actually like them? Or has he just got other stuff to think about rather than deleting some (to him) no-big-deal video clips his workmate sent to him and loads of other people in a mass texting, purely to stop his whiny controlling partner having a hissy fit?

jasper · 17/05/2009 00:48

Supercherry I would find that most disturbing too.
I don't see it as whiny or controlling to inform him of your distaste .
I wold be seriously questioning my relationship if my partner found violent real life video clips amusing

2rebecca · 17/05/2009 08:41

I thought having videos on your phone to show people was a teenage thing. How old is he? It sounds like the sort of thing my 12 year old would show me, not my husband.
I hate fighting and can't watch alot of violent films and would not choose as a partner a man who enjoyed violence. If my husband had fighting videos on his phone I'd be concerned. A video is something you watch several times. Wouldn't be happy with porn videos either.

Nighbynight · 17/05/2009 09:47

why are you being so unpleasant to teh OP, solidgold?

I have a phone. Amazingly, nobody has ever sent me violent clips of real people fighting. This is not just a coincidence, you know.
If anyone did ever have the cheek to send me anything like that, they would get an earful, and the crap would be deleted immediately.

hercules1 · 17/05/2009 09:54

I would be very disturbed if my dh enjoyed watching these.

Original poster
Supercherry · 17/05/2009 16:57

Jasper, I am questioning the relationship. I have been questioning it for quite a while on and off.

2rebecca, he's 26. Hardly a teenager. I'm 28 but often feel that there is a vast difference between us in terms of maturity.

Today, while looking for a video I'd looked at previously on Youtube, I could see DP had been on there searching for 'bum fights'. So it just gets worse really. I now know he likes watching vulnerable people get exploited too. Fantastic.

Solidgold, I don't quite follow your most recent post so if you'd like to rephrase it? You don't need to repeat the bit about me being a whiny overreactor again though, I heard you the first time.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 17/05/2009 17:10

Supercherry It's not sounding too good to me either.

And you have a right to express your feelings to him, without him rolling his eyes

solidgold Are you Supercherry's DP ?

tigana · 17/05/2009 17:17

solidgold - jeezum, relax will you, you seem to be taking this personally...

supercherry - my DH watches horror films and the like, and until I hate DS I coudl watch them too, noproblem. Since havingDS I am SO much more sensitive about that sort of thing and when i do watch it is with a knot in my stomach.

If DH had these sorts of vids, and when asked he said he found them funny, I wouldn't be impressed and would think he was pretty juvenile. I'd be more pissed off withthe eye roll though...

Does DH know about your history with violence?

tigana · 17/05/2009 17:20

Ooo-er had DS obviously ( from a freudian point of view, he being fairly obnxious this afternoon...)

Original poster
Supercherry · 18/05/2009 10:40

Tigana, DP knows everything about me.

We've had another horrible weekend. I mentioned the Youtube thing to him yesterday, his response was 'well they get paid don't they?'. Lovely attitude. I think he is deliberately trying to act like a tosser.

Then, last thing yesterday he starts being all nice again, saying he knows I've been treated badly in the past and that I don't deserve it from him and he doesn't know why he acts the way he does.....

I don't think I'm explaining things very well here, when we have disagreements (alot) his style of arguing is to get abusive and talk alot of shit. For example, he is being abusive, so I say, if you hate me that much then why are you hanging around, feel free to go. He will say things like he is only staying because he has nowhere else to go or that he has met someone else and plans are in place. I know he is totally making this up to hurt me, which it did the first time he said it. Yesterday I said well go on then I hope you'll be very happy together.

He is impossible to reason with and he seems to have a split personality. He is so nice sometimes that it is difficult to stay angry at him despite the fact that he is often really nasty.

He has agreed to go to counselling at least 5 times, but to date, hasn't arranged anything.

Sorry for the garbled post, I find it difficult to write this down.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 18/05/2009 12:19

Supercherry At the risk of stating the obvious, he does not sound like he is a very nice person.

Nighbynight · 18/05/2009 21:02

It does sound immature. Not an easy situation for you.
do you know anyone else who knows him well enough to get their perspective?
what are his parents like, are they similar to him?

dittany · 18/05/2009 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Supercherry · 19/05/2009 17:35

I know screamingabdab, he isn't very nice at the moment with me, but, if you met him you would think he is a nice bloke because everyone does.

Nighbynight, I'm quite close to MIL, she's lovely. Perspective on what though- the fighting videos or his split personality? His parents are divorced, his dad cheated on his mum when she was pregnant with BIL and throughtout their marriage. The FIL is also quite controling- we are polite and civil but I wouldn't say he is my favourite person in the world. But as I say MIL is nice, when DP and I have fell out before and he's stayed there the night, she has said to me he's always been a gentle giant and she hasn't lived with him since he was a teen so she can't really say what he is like now. They are close though- he loves him mum, he would never ever speak to her the way he does to me and if any man did I know he would hit the roof. It's just me who has the pleasure of dealing with this side of his personality.

Dittany, the honesty thing is a real problem I agree. I made a real effort to be myself at the beginning of the relationship because I wanted it to be based on honesty and I asked him to do the same. So it's not just a case of the honeymoon period being over, it's more a case of he bullshitted me to get me basically. The crap started at about 6mths pregnant with DS.

OP posts: