Please talk some sense into me

[twistedtempted]

Have namechanged for obvious reasons.

Am married with young dcs. Have hit a bit of a rock bottom lately in terms of how hard I'm finding being a parent. I have a supportive, loving dh but...

There is this guy from my past (I'm talking teens), who I bascially feel I never 'got over'. He was my best friend's bf and I was madly in love with him. After they split we did fool around a bit but nothing ever came of it. We socialised in the same group and he was more of a friend than anytyhing else.

The thing is, my heart still skips a beat when I think of him, and I have recurring dreams that we are together etc. I have never felt like this about anyone else since.

Anyway...we have been in touch via f/book [evil website]! He is an eternal bachelor with no commitments etc.

He has made it clear he would be up for some 'fun' shall we say. I know he isn't a patch on my dh who loves me and is my family but I feel all churned up over this. I'm not stupid and understand what I've got and would never want to lose that.

I feel in a vulnerable place in terms of my own identity right now, and he represents heart stopping excitement etc

I feel sick and disgusted with myself for even thinking these things , but he is my achillles heel...

You know what - I know what I must do but am pathetically drawn back towards him.

Please don't flame me, I know I am acting like a silly little girl.

get rid of facebook..it's the work of the devil i tell ya..

I think there is nothing wrong with you for having those feelings, especially if you are feeling very vulnerable right now, the control lies in not acting on those feelings.

Would it help to think about how you would want your DH to behave if he where faced with the same situation?

The last thing you need is the misery of a guilty conscience on top of everything, and you sound too nice to do anything without one.

Is there something else you can think of to give yourself a boost? Learn to skydive or something

I won't flame you.

I had a similar experience a few months back - an emotional affair.

Lots if ups and downs - feeling strong and stopping all contact then starting again.

Years and years I haven't been over this guy, then bam, one hour with a psych who said the right thing and 15 years of wondering about him, I am over him.

I wish you look.

My advice would be to not go any further. Delete/block him. No good will come of it, only hurt.

and, if you are feeling in a vulnerable place right now, some 'fun' with this guy may just end up making you feel used/week/ashamed etc. so won't help you get back up from rock bottom in the long run.

And daftpunk is VERY right about facebook. Go and block him NOW, if you can't commit facebook suicide. Tsk.

luck - not look!

I thought I was over him before but I know now I only thought I was. Know that I understand the reason for why I felt the way I did, it makes sense and I can let it go.

So glad to see him come off his pedestal!

Why not just fantasise, but do nothing? It's perfectly OK to have dreams about other guys, as long as you don't act on them.

You sound intelligent enough to know that you risk losing everything for an 'eternal bachelor' (read 'total twat' ime) who wouldn't want you if you were single anyway.

You don't have to stay with your DH if you don't want to, but don't leave him for a daft dream that will almost certainly fail ro measure up to expectation.

And yes, Facebook is indeed the work of the relationship devil. Just say no to facebook!!!

You say you are acting like a silly little girl - is that how you want others to see you.

Your h probably wont see it as that will he - he will be devastated as will your children if/when you get caught having your fun.

I had an old boyfriend contact me - via friends re-untied it soon became obvious he thought i was up for some fun - that soon made me see him for the loser he really was. Activly seeking to destroy a happy family for a quick shag - no thanks i am worth far more than that and i certainly would never want my children to think of me like that.

You THINK hes a bacheler with no commitments ! Bear these things in mind, he knows your married, knows you have children, and probably knows your a bit vulnerable too but will happily " do " you.
Doesnt sound like a very nice person really.Wonder how many other affairs hes had with married women ?

Dont go there , get off facebook and perhaps talk honestly with your husband about how your feeling.

Ew, he does sound yukky though

You'll be over it in 3 weeks if you think about him in terms of what he's suggesting - it's not nice, not respectful toward you or your family;

Get angry that he is up for that. On behalf of your children.

Thank you all so much for your kind messages.

FAbulous - sounds like a very similar situation, that's excatly how it is for me.

YOu all speak so much sense.

I think the face that I never got chance to tell him how I felt back then or tell anyone else is the reason I can't get him out of my system.

FBG what did the psych say? (ignore me if you'd rather not share it)

Ditch facebook - very evil thing!

logs on

At this second I just can't post it - but I will when I can. Sorry.

T+T - lots of what you say resonates with me and telling him will achieve nothing but boosting his ego.

Delete him. Now. Really. It is for the best.

I know if I had been married to anyone other than my husband I would be divorced now.

yes would be interesting to know.

You're all right - he is a loser really, then again so am I for wanting him

This is where I am right now:

Feel like 'Is this it now, is this the level of excitement in my life till the day I die?'

Was all messed up when I met dh and I think the attraction was more one of security and kindness iyswim?

I love him deeply and feel that we are 'soulmates' in many ways, but at the same time I crave that sense of spark and fun that was never really there.

I know it sounds like a pathetic mid-life crisis. People have real problems and here's me...

Other man has suggested going out. Fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

don't do it

it is wrong

it will only bring pain

tell your dh you want to meet up with an ex

see what he says to that

I don't actuallt think I could/would go through with meeting up

(this is where it gets even more pathetic)
Can't stand the thought of cutting ties with him though...don't know what I want to get out of this situation really.

You are where I was.

I have come through it.

You will do what you have to do.

I hope you make the right decision.

Don't go there! Simple as that. By all means end your relationship with your dh if you need to, but not this way!

FBG - go on, what did the psych say?

if he had been interested in you years ago, he would have made it clear - whether you told him how you felt or not. he didn't.

he is only interested in you now for whatever reasons - these could be i) for attention as he knows you will be an easy pull ii) you are a safe option, and won't leave your dh ii) you are the best option he's got at the mo - someone better comes along and he will move on

i sorry if that's harsh but he didnt try to go out with you when you were single and his timing is suspect.