Does my exdp have the right to take my ds's out of the country if i say no???

[fifisboys]

Just to keep this brief..split up with dp recently and he is on about taking the ds's away for 2 weeks with his new girlfriend.

My ds's are only 3 and 16 month and i would not be comfortable with him taking them away from me for that long..he used to struggle to have them for the day when i was at work and has never had them on there own overnight even when we were together.

Am i within my rights to say no to this?

Thanks

[JoPie]

'but it's perfectly reasonable for the op to force the father to be away from his children for that amount of time?seeing as she is going on a holiday herself this month?"

Thats not fair. The booked holiday was for him too, it was him that declined to go, he turned it down and changed his plans. Now everyone else should jump to accomodate him, so he doesn't lose out? Come off it! And yes I'd be saying the same if the genders were reversed.

[GypsyMoth]

oh,fwiw,the father objecting would not get him very far,since he was with the mother at the time the holiday was booked. he was intending to go with them,before the split,so any objection would be seen for what it is...

has dad booked the holiday op? where is it to? and where is yours to?

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

I can see the arguments that mrsjammi and Idrank are putting across and as a generalisation I agree with them.
But I also agree with the op. When my ex and I were together, when he was with the children every day he still didn't know them. Yes he could put them to bed, yes he could bathe and change them and dress them heck he maybe cooked for them once or twice. The big thing there being is that he never ever did these things without either me or his mother there on hand doing some of the necessary jobs. He never ever through his own choice botherd his backside to learn to cope alone.

When we split up he was not working for a few months and I encouraged him to spend as much time as he could and wanted to with the children and he had them overnight every second weekend and seen them every day but again he NEVER did it alone the sleepover nights were at his mothers house where she did the early mornings, most of the baths etc. If his mother was out with the dogs he would call me up ranting or moaning about falling out with dd etc. THe simple fact he couldn't cope and would't take guidance on how to learn to cope from anyone it was the path of least resistance for him to let someone else do it.

He too now has a GF of a month that he is moving in with ASAP. The children met her once 2 weeks ago. But there is a snowballs chance in hell that he would be taking them away for a 2 week holiday in the summer ....not this summer anyway.
Partly because at 3 and 5 years old 2-3 nights away from home at the weekend are enough for them by then they are ready to come home and start asking to. Another being that he is so not used to and unable to cope it is his girfriend who will end up doing most of it and that is not fair on either her or the children.

I never stop him seeing them, although there is a distance between them exBIL lives close to me so I am always flexible about last minute visits on top of the fornightly weekends (where he no longer has them overnight).

So yes in theory I can see where the posters syaing ffs he's the childrens father are coming from and wholeheartedly agree. sommetimes the reality of the situation is very different.

[mrsboogie]

If it was the other way round and the OP was intending to take the kids off for two weeks with a man she had been seeing for a month then the father would have the right to object to this.

Thw OP sounds entirely reasonable in her approach - she is not objecting to access or overnight stays or the new gf's presence in their lives - she is concerned about having to let her kids go abroad for two weeks without her.

[maltesers]

I think that it would be nice if you mnetters dont go off on a tangent and start speaking to each other when someone has started a thread and need advice and help. Surely we should stick to the issue in hand and help the initiator at the top resolve her problem not start chatting amongst ourselves. Please dont fire arrows .. its just a thought and conciderate to the person who is asking the question at the top .. its their page afterall. !!

[BitOfFun]

Eh?

I see what you mean, but are you on the right thread?

Also, the way that threads develop is often useful in itself...we're not a Q&A site, it's a discussion, and it flows like conversation. Otherwise MN would go like this: My partner wants to try bumsex, should I do it? No.

Where's the fun in that?

[JoPie]

Tangents are part of conversation, in type as well as posting, and its both rude and condescending to tell people what to say, especially when every post has been advice for or related to the OP.

[maltesers]

Well yes true BitofFun.... sometimes people ramble.. so i willl shush and not ramble.
Personally i think your children are very young and its a long time away from you for you and the kids ....2 weeks. If they were 5 and 8 or something but not 3 months and 36 months. ???!!!
Its your choice FIFISBOYS and you have the right to say no. He cannot take them out of the country or away anywhere without your consent. He was your partner and you were not married... so surely he has less right as a father. ???

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

And I should also add that I did say not to ex having the children for 2 weeks this summer all at once I suggested a week at the start and a week later on because 2 weeks at one would be too much.
Even I personally wouldn't take them away for 2 weeks just now we go away for 4/5 nights-a week and that is more than enough for them.

[JoPie]

Its good that they have the same rights.
But what I don't understand is why everyone is talking about rights, his or hers? Surely the question is what is suitable or good for the children?
A father who is supposedly uncomfortable looking after his children for a day at a time while at home taking very young children abroad for 2 weeks without their mother but with his brand new GF? Who cares whether he's legally allowed, if its clearly a terrible idea for the children?

[GrapefruitMoon]

I agree it's not about a parents rights, it's about what is best for the (very young) children. My dc's would have been very upset at that age to be away from me for such a long period of time - even with their dad (my dh).

When I was about 2 my mother had to go into hospital and I was at home with my father and grandparents. I don't think she was away for more than a week, if that, but apparently I was very traumatised by the experience and wouldn't speak to or approach her for some time after she came home...

[diedandgonetodevon]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but if the father requires the OP's permission to take their DC's abroad, surely she would need his permission to go on her own trip?

It sounds like one of those situations that could degenerate into childish games of tit-for-tat.
OP can you not talk this through with him and come to some agreement about contact and holidays rather than trying to find a way to prove he can't take them?

[GypsyMoth]

well they booked it together,he consented then,why change his mind now they have separated?

[dollius]

MrsJ - are you not jumping the gun a bit? The OP has already stated that she gives her x pretty much unlimited access to the kids - nowhere does she suggest she wants to prevent access.

This is about her fear that separation from her two very young children for two weeks would not be in their best interests. With two children of similar ages, I have to agree with that. And I am as unprecious about my DSs as it gets.

The x had the chance to come on holiday with the OP and the kids, but he changed his mind.

Does he really think he is acting in the kids best interests by insisting they be separated from both their parents for two weeks each at a time?

Why doesn't he just go on the pre-arranged family holiday? That would be the best thing for the children.

[diedandgonetodevon]

I'm not suggesting he would/should change his mind. I'm just want to know what the legal situation is.

I recently had to take our DS abroad without DH and I did carry a letter from him stating his consent incase it was required by the airline.

[blondissimo]

OP are you ok - hope you are still watching the post? I think there have been a lot of polar opposites in terms of advice here - hopefully it has not made things too confusing for you.

[cloudedyellow]

Children much too young to be away from their mother for two weeks.

[2rebecca]

I think that depends on whether the one who is aged "3" is aged 3 months or 3 years. If 3 years then no problem, I don't see why a mum should be any more irreplacable than a dad and think it's a sad reflection of feminism and how some women see men if a woman's place is considered with her children at all times and men totally incapable of looking after their kids for 2 weeks. Years ago women used to die in childbirth and men managed to look after their kids all the time from birth. They aren't that useless, and women aren't that irreplacable, not for 2 weeks anyway.

[JoPie]

Its nothing whatsoever to do with feminism or gender politics.
Whoever the primary care giver is, they are most certainly irreplacable for 2 weeks to a 16 month old child! In this case, and in many cases, the PC is the mother. You can't twist that to be about feminism, when its just the fact, I'm sure he had no problem with her being the PC when they were together.
My Oh and I share the parenting very equally, my DS's aged 4 and 1 would be very unhappy about being without either of us for 2 full weeks. I wouldn't do that to them.

[Pinkjenny]

Completely agree with JoPie.

[cloudedyellow]

Me too. Agree with JoPie.

[blondissimo]

I "third" that. Wise JoPie speaks sense.

[idranktheteaatwork]

I disagree with JoPie. Obviously.
1.You and your other half are still together, it's a different situation.

1. you just stated your son's "would be very unhappy about being without either of us for 2 weeks.

So what makes this fathers feelings or that of his children invalid unless he does what the mother tells him he can and can't do then?

Why on earth would you want to go on holiday with your ex? @ those of you saying it's his own fault for declining.
How odd to expect him to do so just to get a holiday with his children. If the boot were on the other foot and the childrens father was refusing permission for the mother to go on holiday unless he was there you would be up in arms.