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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Huge Falling out with Best Friend

60 replies

mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:08

ok....where to begin...

Last week, my bestfriend (F) and I went on a work team awayday and spent a night away from home.

In the evening, we all (about 20 of us)went out for a meal and drinkies.

Everything was ace and we were all having a good time until he(for he is a bloke) slapped me hard across the face. For no reason.

When it came to move onto the next pub...I decided to go home. We had a few words and I left in a taxi. I didn't make a scene, lots of work colleagues were there.

The following morning, he texted me to see if I was ok. I ignored him.

This morning we exchanged texts and he wants to talk to me about what happened. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him and that I would be away until thursday (which is a lie) and would call him then.

I have no idea what to do.

I love him, he was my bridesmaid and he is godfather to DS1.

This is the biggest betrayal ever.

Any ideas?

OP posts:

ilove · 10/05/2009 21:45

You need to talk to him.

Original poster

mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 21:51

SM - totally agree! will remain professional!

LM - i think that word will get round - can't help that. I am being calm (which is strange!)and I am worrying about him.

IL - I do need to talk to him..just not yet

OP posts:

blahdiblahblah · 13/05/2009 22:39

Have you spoken to him yet?
I hope he has tried to explain himself to you..

Original poster

mayorofwhoville · 14/05/2009 13:40

BDBB - I did speak to him.

He said that he was embarrassed about the incident and had left it a while so I would calm down.

He doesn't know why he did it. He only remembered that he had done it late Friday night (24 hours later). He didn't seem that upset about the situation at all, in fact he sounded very level and calm - I on the other hand was sobbing my heart out.

Am still very upset with him and have decided that I can no longer be his friend.

I spoke to one of the managers at work and no-one else recollects the incident (which is good) and she is going to have a chat with Him and ask generally about the night (in a probing for info kind of a way)

Am still very upset by the whole sorry affair and am feeling bereaved - which is strange and probably a total over reaction.

OP posts:

blahdiblahblah · 14/05/2009 19:39

Did he apologise?
Such a shame to lose the friendship. I wonder if it was what he was drinking? Sometimes some alcohols make people aggressive?

Original poster

mayorofwhoville · 14/05/2009 19:48

He did kind of apologise but not enough for my liking!

He was quite drunk but then I have been on hundreds of nights out with him and never ever seen him do anything like this! Have never seen him raise his voice!

It is a shame to lose him as a friend but I cannot trust him.

He did text this afternoon to tell me about my work parking space and also said that He hoped I was feeling better. I replied that no I wasn't feeling better.

OP posts:

blahdiblahblah · 15/05/2009 21:39

odd to ask if you are "feeling" better!
It is pretty impossible to remain friends, isn't it?

2rebecca · 16/05/2009 11:48

I don't get this. I can't imagine any of my female friends no matter how drunk suddenly slapping me hard. No-one ever gets that drunk that they don't know what they are doing when it comes to violence. I would want a big apology and an explanation, and my friendship with this bloke would never be the same again as I would suspect that somewhere in his subconscious he dislikes me if he could hit me unprovoked. I would probably avoid seeing him, especially if alcohol is involved.
If he tries to shrug it off as being unimportant I would be more suspicious that he meant it.
If I hit my best friend then even if the next day I didn't remember it I would be really upset and grovelly and apologetic and try to win back her trust. If this guy doesn't do that he's not much of a friend. I still can't imagine hitting my best friend round the face unless she'd done something like sleep with my husband and we were having a row though.
It seems strange that no-one you were out with recollects the incident though, and if he's such a good friend I wonder why you are discussing the incident with your boss as if he works for the same company that is a very unfriendly way for you to go about things.
If my friend hit me I wouldn't tell tales at her work about it even if it was a work social.

flourybaps · 16/05/2009 16:53

Im going to go against the trend here, you say he was very drunk and its totaly out of character and he has been your best friend for 10 years?

I would, when you have calmed dowwn , talk to him. Yes its a terrible thing to have done, yes he needs to apologise properly and you have every right to be furious with him but he I presume been a good friend for 10 years, thats a long time.

Id say, talk to him. Try and sort things out.

tinatutor · 18/05/2009 23:35

a very strange incident...the bit I can't understand is how the people around you saw a man hit a woman in the face and didn't react/have a massive go at him.

I was in a pub once and man hit is girlfriend round the head, he was immediately jumped upon by loads of blokes in the pub having a go at him for hitting a woman...i didn't envy him cos entire pub was going nuts at him!

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