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Original poster

Huge Falling out with Best Friend

60 replies

mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:08

ok....where to begin...

Last week, my bestfriend (F) and I went on a work team awayday and spent a night away from home.

In the evening, we all (about 20 of us)went out for a meal and drinkies.

Everything was ace and we were all having a good time until he(for he is a bloke) slapped me hard across the face. For no reason.

When it came to move onto the next pub...I decided to go home. We had a few words and I left in a taxi. I didn't make a scene, lots of work colleagues were there.

The following morning, he texted me to see if I was ok. I ignored him.

This morning we exchanged texts and he wants to talk to me about what happened. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him and that I would be away until thursday (which is a lie) and would call him then.

I have no idea what to do.

I love him, he was my bridesmaid and he is godfather to DS1.

This is the biggest betrayal ever.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
SammyK · 10/05/2009 20:27

What was said after the slap? I'm assuming person who slapped him back on your bhealf must have given him a telling off/ asked what he thought he was doing?

I would call him now and talk to him, even if it is just to satisfy yourself that you will never bother with him again.

Do you also work with him or have I got that wrong??

Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:27

He doesn't have a crush on me!

It was a wallop!

He was quite drunk - we all were!

The other thing that is bothering me, is that he didn't say sorry sooner! He was waiting for me to 'calm down' before he contacted me.

Am very confused!

OP posts:
Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:30

I do work with him. We have just been moved into the same team at work. Will be sat diagonally opposite from him when I return from mat leave in a couple of weeks.

I didn't say anything - was too stunned to comment or do anything.

OP posts:
bigchris · 10/05/2009 20:32

maybe he misheard you and thought you were slaging him off?

Tortington · 10/05/2009 20:33

in your situation i would be gutted and upset and i would mourn the loss of someone who has shared so many memories with me.

but i wouldn't accept it.

hell, i had a v. good friend who left ,e holding her coat and bag whilst she spent all evenng dancing with a guy - i havent spoken to her since - becuase i just think it was a really shit way to be treated.

in your shoes, i wouldnt be treated like this. i would assume the friendship is over, unless the friend did something specacular to change my mind.

also - what does your dh say about it? my dh would have sought him out and hospitalised him

rubyslippers · 10/05/2009 20:34

agree with everything in custy's last post

mrsboogie · 10/05/2009 20:35

sorry - I just meant it can't have come totally out of the blue unless he was totally ratted and was trying to get your attention or something?

If it was a totally one off and you asked him and he explained it satisfactorily (i.e he was trying to get your attention and was so drunk he hit you much much harder than he meant to and didn't realise)

I don't know, it seems such an oddly random thing to lose a best friend over - there must be something more to it, why don't you just talk to him?

I'd love to know what his explanation is...

Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:35

the conversation was about time!

someone said (cos it was after midnight) about it being tomorrow and I said that I get confused by that and will wake up in the morning and think that it was saturday instead of friday!

so, would the majority of people ditch their friend if this happened to them?

OP posts:
Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:37

I want to know 'why' too...just can't face talking to him yet...still too upset!

my DH is furious with him.

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 10/05/2009 20:37

so you said that and he slapped you?

just odd - very odd.

bigchris · 10/05/2009 20:40

sounds like he slapped you because of the confused about time thing
and because he was drunk he thought it would be funny to do that slapping someone who was confused as a joke
but cos he was drunk the slap was way harder than he wanted it to be

any of that feasible?!

scottishmummy · 10/05/2009 20:41

a friend doesn't hit you unprovoked.i would cease all contact,and tell everyone why

pooka · 10/05/2009 20:43

Agree with Bigchris.

Sounds like he was trying to be funny (ha ha) by slapping you as you see in films where someone is delerious, confused or needs a "wake up", which of course people don't generally do in real life. Drunkness = completely misguided and OTT.

Does that sound like what happened? Only you can tell really.

Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:46

bigchris - maybe...

scottishmummy - that has crossed my mind but that would be 10 years of friendship gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 20:48

Pooka...maybe, but he didn't say anything afterwards..no apology or anything.

OP posts:
pooka · 10/05/2009 20:53

I think he may be desperately embarrassed. At least I would hope so, if it was a stupid stupid "joke" rather that an action with the intent of hurting you. That may have stopped him calling earlier. I don't know - I don't know him.

I think that the best thing to do is to have it out with him (on all angles, i.e. what the hell was he thinking, to why on earth didn't he apologise profusely at the time or immediately afterwards).

scottishmummy · 10/05/2009 20:53

yes,a rapport and shared friendship esp 10years is a big deal and understandably means lot to you.suppose you have to decide

was it

a total out of character bampot moment, and you can forgive and proceed with but seek explanation and reassurance wont happen again

b too much to bear and friendship irrevocably damaged.time for bye bye

awful situation though

ChubbyMinge · 10/05/2009 20:59

it will be either

  1. he was slapping you cos you were confused
  1. he is in love with you - tis like a boy in the playground pulling your pigtails to notice him. Apart from the fact he has been in love with you for years and he can't tell you.

And even if he says it's 1, it will be 2

I'm mystic meg me

suwoo · 10/05/2009 21:08

Is he not gay though, chubby? Or am I making an incorrect assumption...... I mean bridesmaid?

Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 21:12

scottishmummy - i hope that it is A because B would break my heart. We have been thru so much!

ChubbyMinge - it isn't 2! Guarantee it!

OP posts:
Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 21:14

And just to confirm:

HE IS NOT GAY!

He is/was my best friend and I didn't think that he should miss out on being an important person when I got married!

OP posts:
Lulumama · 10/05/2009 21:22

even if as bigchris has suggested,it was an attempt at humour... he hit you hard enough to bruise you and leave you swollen,if a stranger did that you would certainly involve the police

i would talk to him if only to find out what on earth he was thinking, then break all contact
how on earth will you work with him????

Original poster
mayorofwhoville · 10/05/2009 21:32

lulumama - that is one of my concerns! I am going back to a massively re-organised company, to a brand new role and was totally happy with that because he was going to be there to support me!

If it is all tits up between us, then work is going to be really difficult. All our colleagues know that we have been friends for yonks, it is going to be really difficult to explain why we aren't as friendly as we were.

Telling the truth would cause so many problems for him.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/05/2009 21:42

if it does go awry,both maintain professional work stance.

neutral and cordial

agree a workplace compromise.you wont discuss the real reason he supports you.both move to Colleague mode only

work pace isn't the arena for personal politics,toxic and potentially compromises your integrity

Lulumama · 10/05/2009 21:45

surely if there were witnesses,word will get around. i cannot actually beleive how calm you ae being about this

he smacked you in the face hard enough to give you brusing and swelling, and you are worrying about him??

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