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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP turned on me today, feel really devestated

64 replies

Nothingatall · 09/05/2009 22:38

I have been with DP for around 6 months. He's always been great, we have lots of laughs together, always have a good time and have loads in common. I lack confidence and unfortunately suffer with a stutter, especially when I'm nervous but he's never mentioned it so neither have I.

I have noticed that he never wants me to meet his friends or family or go out around his home but I thought I was being paranoid.

Today we were in asda and I had said I would make him a bacon buttie when we got home. But in asda he bought a couple of packets of noodles. Whilst they were going through the till I began telling him I would cook up some of the noodles if he'd prefer but I couldn't quite get my words together and I stuttered quite badly. The cashier looked at me and DP snapped "Shh for gods sake" I asked what was wrong and he said "just shush, please" and I caught him glare at the cash assistant and he went red.

When we got outside I asked him what he had said that for and he told me it was embarrassing. Firstly that I'd offered to cook him noodles at the till and that I'd stuttered so badly and people were looking.

I was too upset and embarassed to say anything back and I just got in the car. He slammed the door and said "isn't there anything you can do about that? it's so fucking irritating, takes you forever to say one thing".

He then went on to say that it winds him up when I speak during a movie because what would take most people a few seconds, takes me ages and that I never know when to shut up and its irritating hearing the same word being repeated over and over again.

Is this why he has not introduced me to his friends and is he right to get wound up by something I have little control over?

OP posts:
ToughDaddy · 10/05/2009 08:10

Insensitive bully!! I do hope that unravelling from him isn't too traumatic. Easy for us to say dump him but I can imagine how disruptive that can be. Take care and focus on all the people who care about you.

StercusAccidit · 10/05/2009 08:13

He should love everything about you, even the not-so-perfect bits

Dump it and don't look back

TeaOneSugar · 10/05/2009 08:24

Sounds like an immature wanker to me - run for the hills.

Also, as someone else said, please change your name to something more positive.

cluckyagain · 10/05/2009 08:25

Gosh - I'm sorry but this is not the behaviour of somebody who deeply cares for you. I think that a man who did would not have behaved like that in the first place or if he did behave like that in an 'out of character' moment, I would then expect a very big apology with an offer to be nothing but supportive from now on. With a stammer that would be with lots of patience and lots of confidence building (for you!) I come from a family of non-fluency (stammerers) and although I overcame mine and my ds seems to have overcome his, my sister still suffers and the last thing in the world which I would expect is for anybody to be anything less than entirely caring and patient.

madameovary · 10/05/2009 08:26

Agree with everyone else.

If you accept this behaviour you are giving him the green light to treat you badly.

Men like him look for women who they can bully. Dont be one of them.

Dont minimise it. Dont ask yourelf if it was really that bad. It WAS that bad.
You have the chance to walk away now and work on your self esteem. Please, take it.

I missed the warning signs with my ex. If I had known about Mumsnet, I would have posted for advice the first time he turned on me, and I might have benefitted from others experience.

Please dont waste another second on this loser.

madameovary · 10/05/2009 08:28

yourelf=yourself

bubblagirl · 10/05/2009 08:34

the first 6 mths of a relationship should be great and fun not you already feeling bad about yourself in all honesty i too would walk

i say this as he seems he may have a controlling streak and you will always bow down to make him happy

number 1 here is you and you need to be ahppy embarrassing you in public and then moving on to tell you how you continue to annoy him warrants a kick out of the door for me

i say this because i missed the warning signs early on in a relationship and spent the next 4 yrs extremely unhappy but it wasn't right from the beginning i felt it was my fault put up with alot of crap bent over backwards to make him happy yet i wasnt i was just being controlled

i would say dont pin your thought on the we were so happy 6 mths in and actions like this is best to move on as you may always pin your thoughts on that one happy moment in first few months and they may never come back as when someone lets there true selves be known they dont normally change back

you deserve love and respect and after 6 mths cut yourself free and go and find it and for one moment dont feel bad about your stutter its who you are lots of people have stutters and loving respectful partners you can too

PM73 · 10/05/2009 08:37

Your post has made me feel very sad, this man is nothing but an arsehole & a big bully.

You deserve so much more & i am sure the perfect man is just around the corner waiting for you.

Please dont put up with being treated like that,kick him to the kerb.

If you put up with his behaviour now just try & imagine what he will be like in 1 yrs time?

Take care of yourself x

junglist1 · 10/05/2009 08:38

If you stay with him it will only get worse, until you're afraid to open your mouth. Tell him to stroll on and take his stinking attitude with him.

bubblagirl · 10/05/2009 08:38

oh and also it is true people only do to you what you allow them to, to accept this now will give him the power to continue

it may feel hard to leave him but i think its not the actions of a potential loving partner no reason to stay at all in my honest opinion and i hope you can see this too as i can see where it will go other wise he will continue to talk down to you and you will put up with it

6 mths is not long let him go dont sound like your that happy anyway he hasnt introduced you to family has now embarrassed you in public a control freak here id say

and the happy is not real at all you have got along up until now i wouldn't say you sound too happy

ToughDaddy · 10/05/2009 08:42

I presume that other posters have pointed out that he will get worse. His true colours will come through when you are more vulnerable/dependent on him. To think that you were showing him great affection when he lashed out!

aGalChangedHerName · 10/05/2009 08:43

Jesus what a bastard!!!

My ds1's wonderful gf has a terribly bad stammer,so bad that she has head shaking and facial tics occasionally and my ds1 has supported her through all the shit she has gotten from other people.

She is only 16 and ds1 is 17.6 and he has shown maturity and love to her over the last 3 years.

Don't know how old your not so dp is but get rid before he wears away your confidence and self esteem!! There are nice guys out there so FGS change your name and go find one.

If you want to change/improve your speech seek help. Ds1's gf went on the McGuire programme (expensive but soooo worth it) She still stammers but the facial tics and the really obvious physical stuff has pretty much gone.

Seriously please get rid xxx

aGalChangedHerName · 10/05/2009 08:44

Oh meant to say ds1 totally accepts his gf for who she is and isn't long in telling folk off if they take the piss etc.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/05/2009 09:23

I think you were emotionally vulnerable when you met him and he's taken full advantage of your kindnesses.

He does not think anything of you at all if he is treating you in such an appalling manner and this was all done in a public place as well.

I would also say change your user name on here and ditch this low life pronto. If this is what he is like after six months imagine what he'd be like after a year.

He'll probably come crawling back full of apologies - do not accept this.

ToughDaddy · 10/05/2009 09:28

Important that you set a barrier on what is acceptable behaviour towards you for your own sense of well-being. Taking control of the situation will be good for you in the longer run. I hope that you have person(s) to support you as well.

DSH · 10/05/2009 09:38

gross. What a plonker.

My husband has a stutter. Actually, he used to stutter. I never, ever said a word. I was/am in love - what does a stutter matter?

over the years he has sought some help (because he wanted to and to help it at work). I have never finished sentences, never said what I thought he was trying to say. In fact, the stutter just is. It doesn't matter. And the stutter has just about gone, but we only realised it a couple of months ago. It is and always has been such a non-issue that we didn't even notice.

Don't hang out with this man. You wouldn't treat someone like that, so why accept such treatment?

Notalone · 10/05/2009 13:10

I would second what everyone else has said. Now you know how he feels you can never go back. And this is going to make the stuttering worse not better. He does not deserve you - I feel very sad that he has made you feel like this as you sound lovely.

Is there any practical advice we can give you? Do you live together?

madameovary · 10/05/2009 17:50

How are you today OP?

FabulousBakerGirl · 10/05/2009 17:53

Lovie, you are worth everything and he isn't worth another minute of your time.

I have no idea why he has a problem with you saying you will cook noodles for him at the till - unless he would rather you just kept quiet in public.

Ditch him. He is a bad 'un.

Liskey · 10/05/2009 18:09

I don't often post on relationships but I saw this and wanted to say he sounded completely insensitive. One of the chaps I speak to at work has a stutter and I know not to finish his words or guess what he's saying - thats just common courtesy!

OP - Please let us know your ok.

boudoiricca · 10/05/2009 18:22

Totally agree with everyone here...

He's an arsehole!

Get rid - quick and painlessly. "Sorry, you're not worthy. Have a nice life".

Change your name - he is nothingatall NOT you. Keep smiling. Somewhere out there is a man who deserves you. This one certainly doesn't.

Dior · 10/05/2009 18:27

Tell him to take a walk, he is not worth another minute of your time. If he can be like this now, it will only get worse.

tessofthedurbervilles · 10/05/2009 18:36

Cock, get rid, please don't allow this man to treat you this way, better off without.

screamingabdab · 10/05/2009 18:38

Another voice agreeing

This is what he is really like, and it aint nice, is it?

What an UTTER tosspot

Please get rid.

harleyd · 10/05/2009 18:40

he is a twat
this winds me up because theres this guy comes in where i work, lovely fella, bad stutter sometimes...people waiting behind him to get served get so impatient and rude, they actually try to tell me what he wants

some people are idiots. how dare he make you feel upset and embarassed