Still no sex, despite initiation - what now?

[SickOfTheMaleSpecies]

I posted on here a few weeks ago regarding my DP and his apparant disinterest in sex.

Quick recap ...

We had been together 4 months. In that time I had slept over there 3 times (on his invite) and not once did he initiate sex.

So basically, after 4 months we had still not had sex. We had, however .. kissed and cuddled in bed.

Last time I posted on here, it was more or less decided that he was being a gentleman and that I should initiate it.

So last night, we get in bed and we start kissing, it got heavier and I could 'feel' that he was aroused yet his hands stayed firmly on my stomach/waist so I guided them to my chest area. He touched me for a while and the kissing got heavier still, his hands wondered downwards and it basically turned to foreplay. But ... he kept stopping and saying "I better let you get to sleep before I go too far" and "I'm sorry, my hands are wondering" etc etc I was getting a bit impatient with him to be honest. I couldn't have made it ANY clearer ... I even took anyfuckers advice and "grabbed his nob" to see what would happen ... he enjoyed that, but still didn't try and take it any further.

We went to bed at 12am and it was now getting on for 3am, we'd been doing the same thing for almost 3 hours and it was getting tedious. I pushed things further, pushed him as far as I thought it possible to push any man! and he finally climbed on top of me and said "do you want to?" ffs - I said "yes" so the kissing continued and he suddenly stopped and said "I won't be a minute, just need to go and use the bathroom"

oh ffs ....

So he goes downstairs, I look at the clock, 3.20am ... I'm thinking "fuck this, it's not worth the hassle" and turn over to go to sleep ... about 15 minutes later he comes back upstairs, gets into bed and kisses me (not very pasionately) and then says "sorry, I think I've spoilt the mood a bit now, havn't I?" I reply "yes" and went to sleep.

Next morning he apologised and said it was because he was tired

Am I right in thinking this is far from normal behaviour?? I don't know what to do next ... and to be honest it's putting me off him.

Oh get over yourself. If the woman you did this to was rude to you, you probably deserved it for fannying around rather than being honest with her in the first place.

solidgold ... no, you get over yourself. i didn't say this is what i did. i said something similar. sorry, am going to shut up now because i am seeing red at your offensive post.

solidgold - if this was a MN woman who was posting about having difficulty in plucking up courage to have a sex after a three break and after coming out of divorce I am fairly sure she would get a great deal of sympathy. Well she would from me anyway.

I agree with AllFallDown that the lurid speculation about the man has been unfair and unfounded in this case. He should be communicating better though with Sickof and to that extent I very much agree with you.

EvenBeta if I knew a woman who acted like tihs with her partner and call her a prick tease and tell her to stop sending out mixed messages. Either you are happy to have sex, in which case just get on with it, or you don't want to have sex, in which case don't spend three hours engaging in foreplay and leading the partner on instead of just openly talking about what you do and don't want to do etc.

This person's problem is their lack of communication.

oops, that's meant to read 'I'd call her a prick tease' not 'and'

I didn't speculate about HIV or anything dodgy like that.

I just think this bloke is a fucking wet lettuce and not worthy of her time. He has had enough chances to exlain his obvious problem with fucking and is now just pissing around.

Maybe I move (have moved) in different dating circles, but fgs, this man is a pathetic specimen.

I would communicate this...sort yourself out or go and waste some other womans time.

very true that if you reverse the genders here then there would be a whole different and MUCH more sympathetic take imo.

Possibly, but I suspect most posters would tell the woman that if she isn't feeling ready for sex she shouldn't go to bed with the guy, as that's just leading him on, and that she should talk to him about her anxiety about sex.
I think most women do like the man to take the lead on sex in a relationship though, at least in the beginning. I don't want to feel like a tart leading some innocent young bloke astray, I'd prefer to think he was overcome with lust for me...

"I don't want to feel like a tart leading some innocent young bloke astray,"

Do you know I think I rather like that idea If I had a waxed moustache I'd twirl it.

Sorry. Totally OT.

sophable, I don't agree

if a female friend of mine had got to the point of fucking on several occasions, spent hours messing around on foreplay and then ducked out at the last minute with some puny excuse, I would tell her she was out of order

Oh how I hate the terms "pricktease" and "cocktease", especially when coming from women, given that the terms are so often used by men as an excuse for abuse.

On the other hand, ROFLing at strong bolshy sexually confident women on thread saying the bloke is a loser, while sensitive kindly men suggest taking it slow. If this was a dating site it would be mismatch heaven

And FWIW if I had a friend who was doing this to a bloke, I would be v sorry for the bloke and would be telling my friend she has to be straight with him about whetever it is. Spending 3 hours canoodling, then saying yes let's have sex, then bolting and hiding in the toilet until there's no danger of it actually happening is a bloody poor show.

Whatever his problem is, it sounds like he and the OP aren't well suited. If this happened to me, and the bloke would not tell me what the problem was, I would dump him. Simple as.

I'd probably avoid using the word 'cocktease' but I also would say to any woman behaving like this that she was being selfish and unkind and should talk to her partner about her feelings rather than messing around with foreplay and then running away. It's a whole different situation (regardless of gender) to deal with a partner who says 'I am nervous about sex, can we please take it slowly' - this is something most people will happily put up with, and be sympathetic to (because you're prepared for the partner to want to stop. SOmeone who signals that s/he is up for sex, engages in foreplay, then runs off and hides or uses avoidance tactics with no explanation is either very self-obsessed or actively manipulative.

I think the most basic question si- why are you sleeping inhis/your bed without agreeing befroehand what is going to happen?

Couples don't tend to snuggle up to "sleep" in the 1st stages of a relationship without knowing full well that sex is on the menu- or not, depending whether it has been discussed.

I have never slept in a man's bed in my life without knowing whether we would have sex ( and both want it or not) befreo I climbed in, or they with me.

Isn't it a bit odd that you two are getting into a bed at all without discussing what's happening?

Reading the OP and the previous thread, what seems clear to me is that the poor bloke was terrified of coming too soon (in his pants even?!?) and retreated to the loo with the intention of bringing the current crisis to a swift conclusion, hoping that he would be able to soon proceed once more, with a fresh erection which would last longer.

However, he found that the first orgasm lessened his interest, possibly because he is a lot older than when he first tried this trick, having not been in a new, frantically exciting, relationship for some years.

I remember a relationship with an ex some years ago who would come in a minute, then never be able to get it up again for ages, by which time I had lost the will to do much at all. I used to think: why can't you have a wank three hours before we go to bed? But never had the nerve to say it. In the end I just gave up and dumped him.

we can crystal ball agze till the cows come home- OP please ask him, and post again.

I don't relly think you can call him a DP, tbh- more a friend/possible boyfriend? It seems what you have is a platonic friendship.

How did it go this week-end OP?