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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

has anyone else who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship see 'jordan and peter-stateside' the other night?

74 replies

shavenhaven · 09/05/2009 10:41

and if you have been how did you feel during there argument at the end of the show?

for those who have no clue what i am talking about you can see it on catch up on demand (skip to the last 10 mins if you cant handle the whole show)

dh is going through anger managment at the moment for issues that he has and i could not believe how much watching this show affected me.

it was just so close to what i have been through in the past that i ended up actually shaking and feeling sick.

basically they were messing around being a bit cheeky to each other then he totally went of on one calling her all the names under the sun and doing the whole 'dont you dare talk to me like that' thing. it was the way in which he turned that really got me.

i suppose other people may see it from the other side that she was out of order and he was just sticking up for himself but it really touched a nerve in me.

OP posts:

Dumbledoresgirl · 09/05/2009 14:36

Oh did he say that? I must have missed that (only watched on YouTube).

I am kind of with you LesAnimaux though on their relationship. Dh and I bicker banter a lot. I often realise people are looking at us I don't believe dh and I have an abusive relationship. I can see that your own personal background could affect the way you saw the PA/KP argument.

But I would draw the line at doing what PA did in that episode.

Original poster

shavenhaven · 09/05/2009 14:41

Dumbledoresgirl i agree with you about the banter bit. i did try and make that point but it prob did not come across well.

its the switch from bantering to losing control that frightens me.

OP posts:

Dumbledoresgirl · 09/05/2009 14:44

Yes I agree with you too. He did seem to suddenly lose some inner control, didn't he? Astonishing behaviour really given earlier he was all over her, complimenting her and saying how she could ride her horse everyday if this was the (good) mood it put her in.

If that had been me and my dh, I would have turned round and jokingly said "I don't need your permission to ride my horse every day!"

LesAnimaux · 09/05/2009 14:45

shavenhaven - I'm certainly not a better person than you - but I am hardened, I think, as I grew up whitnessing much worse. I must just have lower standards/higher threshold to "abuse".

Thank heavens their children wern't there - what would the MN reaction be then? TBH - my DC's have seen DH and I have a very similar conversation - with less prolonged swearing (I think )

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 14:48

just watched it again and look at the bit where they are cuddling on the sofa. His eyes are staring and his mouth is weird. I've seen ppl like this before. Does anyone agree?

noddyholder · 09/05/2009 14:51

Why would 2 people with so little respect for each other stay together.If there is so much tension/friction being passed off as banter the children are going to be affected.Children learn how to be in a relationship by watching their parents.If I had such disrespect for dp that I had to stoop to that level i would call it a day.

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 14:51

LesAnimaux, if you are not scared or intimidated by DH then it's a row. Context is very important.

lalalonglegs · 09/05/2009 14:51

I've just watched it - never watched any of their shows before so can't comment on their general relationship - and didn't strike me as abuse exactly because that, to me, would imply one person being abuser and other person the victim: they both seemed to be trying to get a reaction out of each other but hers was subtler passive aggression (flat voice, staring into middle distance, lots of control). Unpleasant people and unpleasant behaviour but not, imo, abuse - just very, very dysfunctional.

Original poster

shavenhaven · 09/05/2009 14:51

LesAnimaux its not the level of abuse witnessed between these two that is the problem for me, if that was all i had ever had to put up with i might also think 'its only a argument', its the way he changed and the threat he made about her getting away with it that upset me. also how he suddenly started turning everything onto her.

other people might see that she was as much to blame but for me it was like watching a video of how dh used to start on me (and i do mean start the abuse could get much worse the longer his episodes lasted)

anyway i am going to step away from this now. was not the best idea to use kp and pa to try and get acroos how i feel when i see things like this. i am still at the stage where i think i should be seeing someone as well as dh but mumsnet is not the place for me to do that.

OP posts:

LesAnimaux · 09/05/2009 14:54

junglist1 - you make a very good point - and if I'm honest is could as easily be me over reacting like Peter did, as DH.

shavenhaven - I'm sorry you I feel I've given you a hard time.

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 14:55

Shaven I understand everything you're saying. My P used to rant for hours after the switch

yappybluedog · 09/05/2009 16:14

I have, to my shame, watched most of their show

They do bicker and snipe at each other, which I would see as 'normal' behavour

But the episode last night was very different, very tense and as someone else said, it was the switch in PA that I thought was pretty scary, I thought he was going to thump her

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 16:33

Sorry to keep bringing it up but on the Youtube clip did anyone notice the eyes rolling in his head, the gurning mouth movements and tense jaw? I bloody insist he's on something!

nikki1978 · 09/05/2009 18:40

It was not until I was halfway through reading this thread that I realised PA meant Peter Andre not personal assistant. Wondered why things weren't making sense. Seems I am as dim as them

puffylovett · 09/05/2009 18:44

not read thread yet but in reply to the OP, yes, I saw it and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Brought back an awful lot of memories of a previous emotionally abusive relationship.

Although I'm amazed Katie didn't give back, she didn't look in the remotest bit bothered did she ! and surely - if it had been that serious - they wouldn't have allowed it to be screened ?

Sorry if repeating other posters !

SerendipitousHarlot · 09/05/2009 19:13

I wouldn't have said any of it was abusive. I watch K & P all the time and it was different to anything I've seen on there. I know they like their bickering - but this was different.

I know everyone has their rows... but she seems worn out with it all. Like she's very used to it.

prettyfly1 · 09/05/2009 19:26

I used to love watching this show but it startled the hell out of me too. She was really chirpy and trying to settle him down when he was being rude to a shop guy and he went mental - if my partner spoke to me like that he would be out!!!!

prettyfly1 · 09/05/2009 19:32

i dont think she looked not interested - i think she was trying to say nothing to make it stop - did you see the pa as well - come on peter not in public, whats he doing in private/

It did happen once before btw in lst series when she came out of hospital. Not nice and very different to their usual rows.

dittany · 09/05/2009 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvaLongoria · 09/05/2009 21:43

I just watched it only the last 10 minutes on the show and feel that they were both wrong adn Pete did go too far. But this was more about both their ego's. They arent famous anywhere else but Britain. This is just another example of Z-List Celebrities and being made a "celebrity" when they arent. If you go to any other country people have never heard of them and dont think they want to. They just tried copying the whole beckham thing of moving to LA (not that I think much of them anyway)

BunnyLebowski · 11/05/2009 16:11

Just bumping after reading this....

katie and peter separating

I watched that episode after reading this thread (or rather forwarded to the end-couldn't watch a whole episode of these twats) and his treatment of her was atrocious.

I'm no fan of Katie Price but I really felt sorry for her. He is an insecure hateful little turd.

Springfleurs · 11/05/2009 17:11

I watched this and I got the sick feeling in my stomach that I used to get during my ex's little "turns". I knew exactly the sick, churning feeling she must have had in her stomach. I used to keep quiet and refuse to make eye contact as well. Similar to how you would be with a vicious dog in fact.

I have watched this programme very occasionally before and thought she can be a bit of a cow but I recognised very strongly the way he "turned".

As for calling her an "arrogant bitch". This is was my ex's favourite name for ANY woman, who was achieving in any way or who disagreed with him in any way. He had to see a Radiographer one time - ie a highly trained professional. She could find nothing and he came out calling her an arrogant bitch because she wouldn't agree with him that there was something wrong.

All strong women who won't take a toxic man's shit are labelled "arrogant" in my experience.

junglist1 · 11/05/2009 17:18

I agree with that spring and would also like to say that not all abused women are little mice. I can certainly give back what I get and verbally my twat can't keep up at all! So even though KP might be a nag sometimes, doesn't mean she doesn't get intimidated when the abuse starts. The stereotype is of Eastenders little Mo types but it isn't like that at all!

tiredemma · 11/05/2009 18:02

According to Skynews they have split up.

hmmm

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