playground politics...being ignored, but why???

[schmu]

there's a woman at dds' school who is, on the surface, the ultimate alpha female. super confident. on the PTA. walks around like she owns the school.

i am not in her circle of friends, and nor do i wish to be. however, she is on the PTA with dh and with do have friends in common.

there have been many times when she has appeared to 'look straight through' me and said good morning to my dds, or dh, on the rare occasions that we are at school gates together.

she recently totally hijacked a conversation i was having with another mum. we were chatting. she came up. ignored me totally and started chatting away to the other mum. i was too dumbfounded to speak.

i am always smiley and say hi to people i know when i pass them... she just seems to blank me.

i have to see her a lot as our dds are in neighbouring classes and it makes me feel really awkard to have someone who i feel doesnt want to acknowledge me.

i have toyed with the idea of asking if there is something i've done to offend her, but we have so little to do with each other that it would seem an odd question.

further background...we have been to drinks parties at each others houses, by virtue of the link with dh, so i do find it odd that she doesnt acknowledge me.

in case anyone is wondering, dh is def not having an affair with her -lol! she is just a tricky character. i know she ignores some other people.( i have chatted to a mutual friend about this, which is how i know)

if i say something, i could just end up feeling more uncomfortable. any advice?

personally i would just ignore her right back, dont let it bother you.

if she is ignoring other people as well it is probably nothing personal to you, some people are just like that she could have things on her mind which make her seem distant perhaps?

mamma, i do sometimes ignore her, but she has quite a strong presence and a little gaggle of mums who seem to flock round her, so at times it can feel as if i'm being ignored by a group. its really odd, cos i chat to the others individually, but when she's around they become a bit cliquey. tis like being in the sixth form.

tis strange as i'm really good friends with the other mums in my other child's class, and have good social skills

Has she actually been introduced to you? There are people who I know at school in that if someone refers to them I know who they mean and who there dc's are, but I've never been introduced to them. I may not necessarily acknowledge them on the school run.

mag, sorry, you prob didnt have time to read my whole op but we've been to social functions at each other's houses.

and sometimes she comes up to me gushing about something dd has done- her son loves dd. but the rest of the time, zilch. blank. i am invisible. very odd.

Heres what I suggest - dont ask her if you have offended her - you havent, she doesnt speak to you!

She is one of these 'head girl' mummies that literally thrive on playground life....

what Id do is politely say hello to her -if she ignores you say hello in a louder voice,when she speaks to your dc say loudly and clearly hello,if she tries to disrupt your convo in the playground just politely but nicely say ' we were just talking about xxxxxx' and carry on.

I bloody hate the school playground and I was the alpha mummy (i didnt realise this until the pta chairwoman pointed out that everyone agreed with me regardless of what i said )

dh thinks she might be jealous of me or have soft spot for him, or both. she totally, totally is a head girl mummy, lol.

sound advice, nickschick. i did do the louder voice thing once. shouted hello over my shoulder after she walked past blanking me and saying a cheery hello to dh. she turned round and looked quite taken aback! as if she genuinely hadden seen me

Try saying hello in mornings (after dropoff) rather than afternoons. Afternoons are useless unless you're part of the person's usual clique. And go to the PTA meetings if you really feel the need to get her attention.

I get blanked a lot, after the first four years I gave up trying to chat to hardly anybody. The worst is when you try to have a short 3 sentence exchange and in the middle of your first sentence they run off to make big smiles and lots of chat with their usual friends.

My first thought was she is jealous of you.

Completely agree with nickschick advice.

llijk, i dont crave her attention, i simply dont like feeling that someone is being rude to me.

i have lots a friends through my older child's class, so dont feel lacking in playground friends generally, lol. sorry for your exp. if i didnt have other 'school mum friends' it would be harder.

ok, this is a sensitive one... and dont flame me, please, as i'm just exploring all possibilities... my dds are both real live wires and are v bright with lots of friends. her ds and dd have alot of issues and do struggle a lot with school- socially, acedemically and in other ways, too. could she possibly resent me for this? am my dh is a real gem, too. could that be it???

I tell you what might 'irk' her a bit why dont you chat to everyone and ignore her? always be busy chatting and she will want to know you - strike up convo with mums you dont usually chat about their dds shoes or shiney hair ask where they got their beautiful handbag from ....be all chummy and nice and knock her off her 'head girl' spot go on I dare you

She may not be doing this on purpose. We don't tend to stop and speak on the school run, just a nod hello and even then I can't say hello to everyone I know - that'd be almost 200 parents every day, twice a day.

Schmu what I think it is having read your last posat is that she thinks you and her have little in common by being 'alpha mummy' she is compensating for her children - also I think she may feel a bit more 'in control' if she knows certain people and certain teachers.

Of course if her dc are struggling life for her could be very difficult and playground politics be the last on her mind (*altho it doesnt seem like that).

I think there is an element of jealousy.

magna, its been very very obvious on a few occasions. trust me. i'm talking about standing 2 m away from me. not always walking past. either she is being very rude and has an issue with me, or she is totally lacking in awareness.

good plan, nicks.

Mag lol at 200 people 2x a day.....when dc were at primary people would text me to say hello if i hadnt seen them that morning.

Schmu are you gonna do it??
If you do I bet you get a handmade xmas card of her

off not of

By "attention" I just meant her willingness to let on that she has heard anything you say(!)
You are indeed very lucky if only one other parent in the playground has been pointedly rude to you.

lljkk your playground sounds like a barrel of laughs (not) - poor you!,have you thought about joining the PTA? or volunteering in class?

nicks, yes. am gonna do it.
llijkk, maybe i am lucky. i chat to lots of people and am friendly back. she is a powerful woman and has a bullying quality about her. dh said he could imagine her being a bully at school. her dh is like a quiet little wall flower. she's a strong, strong lady. on the outside, anyway. i know of one person who took to wearing shades to school to try to avoid the impact of her evil glares.(different scenario, obv)

yes, i def think that her assertiveness at sch has sthing to do with needing to assert herself re her dsc's needs.

100% - jealous!
Ignore her silliness, be friendly when appropriate (but not overfriendly) and concentrate on the more important things in your life.

I have been involved lots with the PTA, I was chair of the nextdoor preschool committee, been a class volunteer lots, sigh. We live in a small town and everyone connects to everyone else in diverse ways.
Guess it's just me they don't like (sigh) .
But I'm kind of over all that, now. I 'know' loads of people, in that I remember loads of details about their life stories, etc. But making almost no effort now is quite nice, there's no disappointment when you give up trying. And I still get the occasional nice chat.

I spoke to someone else the other day (fluke conversation) who said that she also gets blanked loads up at the school, too. (Hooray! It's not just me! ).

I did kind of wonder why OP was bothered, I sort of assumed that OP 'needed' to talk to the other lady for some reason beneficial to them both. If she's just plain not interested in you or anything you say, and she's the only one who is so rude obvious about it, then why let it bother you(?)

lljkk.....I just checked your profile I see you live in Norfolk ......I lived there too (near Acle)it was very cliquey there!!!

This sounds like the sort of thing some girls did at school, want to have a gaggle of fans around them and be miss popular. I've never played playground parent games, just arrived to pick up kids when they were small, they walked home when bigger. No chatting to anyone but usually arrived just as bell going anyway. This sort of cliquiness is silly, ignore them all and join some clubs to make friends. None of my friends have kids at my kids school. I don't expect other parents at my kids schools to talk to me any more than I expect people at the Tescos checkout to talk to me. Just because we are in the saqme place doesn't mean we have to make small talk.
This woman sounds awful, just ignore her.