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Original poster

Partner doesn't seem interested in sex ... (not even had the '1st time' yet!)

46 replies

MyMyBabyBlue · 30/04/2009 20:48

I've been seeing someone for around 3 months. We've been out alot to shows, days out, a night out drinking, cinema, nights in with a bottle of wine ... we've done it all.

I've even slept at his house 3 times. First time he slept on the sofa (which was fine, we hadn't known each other long) but second and 3rd time we slept in the same bed ... he's not instigated sex once.

Is he waiting for me to instigate it? is he old fashioned? Is it me??

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 30/04/2009 20:56

He's probably shy. If you're sleeping in the same bed/cuddling up together, make the move FGS. It's probably TMI, but if you're lying on the opposite side of the bed, fully clothed, showing no interest, it's a bit different from getting in, cuddling up, touching him up, guiding his hand to do the same, etc.

If you're going to bed like your his sister then I guess he might be unsure. But no reason not to make matters clear for him. Men don't do subtlety

SomeGuy · 30/04/2009 20:56

He's probably shy. If you're sleeping in the same bed/cuddling up together, make the move FGS. It's probably TMI, but if you're lying on the opposite side of the bed, fully clothed, showing no interest, it's a bit different from getting in, cuddling up, touching him up, guiding his hand to do the same, etc.

If you're going to bed like your his sister then I guess he might be unsure. But no reason not to make matters clear for him. Men don't do subtlety

SomeGuy · 30/04/2009 20:56

He's probably shy. If you're sleeping in the same bed/cuddling up together, make the move FGS. It's probably TMI, but if you're lying on the opposite side of the bed, fully clothed, showing no interest, it's a bit different from getting in, cuddling up, touching him up, guiding his hand to do the same, etc.

If you're going to bed like your his sister then I guess he might be unsure. But no reason not to make matters clear for him. Men don't do subtlety

Cadelaide · 30/04/2009 21:00

Seems odd to me. You're going to have to instigate it, but be prepared for a surprise, he may have some odd skeletons knocking about in his so-closed-closet.

Cadelaide · 30/04/2009 21:00

maybe he's a virgin?

or a woman?

BCNS · 30/04/2009 21:01

ask him? in a round about sort of non judgemental sort of way?? could be anything.

Original poster
MyMyBabyBlue · 30/04/2009 21:05

Not a virgin as he is divorced with a child. Also rules out being a woman lol

I'm worried about the skeleton thing ... what kind of skeletons?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/04/2009 21:06

just grab his nob

see what happens

moondog · 30/04/2009 21:07

Blimey.
A man who doesn't want to rip yer knickers off.That's a first!
I had a bf like this long ago, but his issue was drink and drugs.......I think.

moondog · 30/04/2009 21:08

at AF

Cadelaide · 30/04/2009 21:11

Nothing in particular in mind MMBB, it's just that, as moondog says, it's pretty unusual.

Perhaps he's waiting for the right moment to ask you to dress up as, ooh, I dunno, the Queen or summat.

thisisyesterday · 30/04/2009 21:14

doesn't rule out him being a woman. maybe he's the mother?/ lol

i agree with someguy though

onepieceofcremeegg · 30/04/2009 21:15

Shy? Religious? Anxious? Thinks he is showing a high level of respect to you?

Could you ask in a kind of casual, indirect way?

rubles · 30/04/2009 21:36

Depending on his age, impotence or premature ejaculation are what come to my mind.

Cadelaide · 30/04/2009 21:38

yes rubles, that kind of thing.

You're going to have to just try it MMBB.

(do let us know, won't you? )

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 30/04/2009 21:45

at Anyfucker

Kally · 30/04/2009 22:09

You've slipped into the grey area of being 'friends'. Have to change that quickly by taking the intiative!

Kally · 30/04/2009 22:10

initiative...quickly, the grey area is hard to get out of if you leave it too long.

heverhoney1 · 30/04/2009 22:20

HA ha I had the same situation with my DP - 4 months in we went out got very drunk and when I got home I phoned him and said (Very uncharacteristicly of me) "FFS do you just not want it?!?!?!? - If you dont fancy me we can just be friends but stop stringing me on!" Gob smacked, I believe, he says "Of course I bloody want it I was triong to be respectful and didnt want to pressure you too much!!"

Well lets just say within I think 6 weeks of that convo we had been on our first holiday together and people kept commenting upon our return that the weather must have been bad as we weren't very tanned - the weather was lovely thanks we just didnt get out much . We are now 8 years down the line and our first baby is due in the next couple of days. It can work out!

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 01/05/2009 23:54

Have you actually discussed the issue of whether you're having a relationship? Is it possible that he thinks you are a friend, not a potential partner?

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/05/2009 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/05/2009 00:52

It does sound a bit odd. Do you have any physical relationship at all - kissing, holding hands etc?

It does sound as if you are chums rather than potential lovers.

hatesponge · 02/05/2009 00:57

I had a boyfriend like this once. He used to spend most nights, and every weekend at my house, but it was just like having a mate there rather than a boyfriend most of the time. We used to snog when he was leaving to go home but other than that, nothing physical

In the end after about 3 months I said 'is this ever going to happen or not?' or words to that effect. He said something like we should probably get it over with . And so we did. It was quite rubbish and he then told me he wasn't really that into sex (which in all fairness if i'd thought about it SHOULD have been obvious). Sadly I was/am, so after a few months (and about 3 further attempts) I dumped him.

So he might not be that sexual. Or possibly he is, but didn't want to look as though he was rushing you. Either way, I think you need to find out asap - although if its the former the signs will probably be there, as in hindsight they were for me.....

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 02/05/2009 01:15

I think you need to talk to him rather than grab him by the willy. TBH grabbing someone because you have assumed that s/he wants a sexual relationship is not terribly ethical or polite behaviour.
He may have a very low libido.
He may have some physical problem which stops him having ordinary sex, and be embarrassed about it
He may be gay and trying to convince himself he isn't
Or he may simply not think of you as a sexual partner at all.
But you won't know if you don't ask.

thumbwitch · 02/05/2009 01:19

I had a bf like this - he turned out, a couple of years later, to be gay. I mean, obviously he was already gay, I'm not that thick, but was trying not to be. It took 2 more abortive attempts at having a gf before he gave in and started seeing a bloke - much more sensible.

Still, doesn't mean yours is gay, could be other reasons!