Partner doesn't seem interested in sex ... (not even had the '1st time' yet!)

[MyMyBabyBlue]

I've been seeing someone for around 3 months. We've been out alot to shows, days out, a night out drinking, cinema, nights in with a bottle of wine ... we've done it all.

I've even slept at his house 3 times. First time he slept on the sofa (which was fine, we hadn't known each other long) but second and 3rd time we slept in the same bed ... he's not instigated sex once.

Is he waiting for me to instigate it? is he old fashioned? Is it me??

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Oh, shineoncrazydiamond, of course some men do shy! But if this guy is divorced, it's possible that the trauma of the split has caused him erectile difficulties and he's too scared to say anything. You need to talk, though, not just grab him.

[NorkyButNice]

I had a boyfriend who (after 3.5 months of snogging that went no further) told me that he wasn't going to have sex again till he got married.

This had not been apparent from our frank discussions so far, and was unfortunately not the same place I was in - he wouldn't have told me unless I'd asked why things weren't progressing though.

[rumdontbotherreplyingmum]

when you say
"nights in with a bottle of wine ... we've done it all."
is that all as in everything else and groping, if not how far have you gone.... sorry if I'm being a bit dim...

[rubles]

Any update mymybabyblue?

[TitsalinaBumsquash]

Men don't do shy.

Yeah ok becuase thats just reserved for us ladies..............

[ABetaDad]

It took me quite a long time with my (future) DW and in the end she took the initiative.

[BigBellasBeerBelly]

Have you even snogged?

Heavy petting?

[SamsMama]

When I first starting hanging out with DH I had this same situation. Finally I asked him, in a sort of round about way, if he were gay. I added a "Not to be egotistical, just because you're not attracted to me doesn't mean you're not attracted to all women," and that led to him saying "of course I'm attracted to you," and THAT led to him...well, proving he wasn't gay.

[Pinkchampagne]

I was with one of my ex boyfriend's for over 7 months before we had sex. He had been on tablets for depression which caused problems with him getting erections.

Talk to him - there may be a good reason behind it.

[2rebecca]

I can't imagine sleeping in the same bed as a man and if I fancied him not making an advance even if he didn't. If he didn't I would probably discuss the next morning just why we were sleeping in the same bed. All this talk about respecting you sounds like teenage American Christian propaganda. If a man won't respect me if he sleeps with me I'd rather he told me so I can dump him and find a man with a brain.
It sounds like he either has a low libido, sexual problems or hangups. None of these are good news, but most can be overcome but he needs to discuss the problem and sort it, not just ignore it.
If a man asked me to go to bed with him but didn't expect us to have sex I would expect him in advance to tell me why. If I go to bed with a man it is reasonable for him to think I'm happy to have sex with him, otherwise I'm just being a cock tease and should go home to my own bed, or tell him in advance I'm not willing to have sex and why.

[Overmydeadbody]

Are you actually in a relashionship with this guy? maybe he thinks you are just friends?

It's a bit wierd tbh.

[2rebecca]

I have never slept in the same bed as any man I'm just friends with, and if any of my "friends" suggested it I would assume the relationship had dramatically changed.
I can't imagine my husband casually sleeping with any female "friends" and would not be impressed if he told me he had.

[Overmydeadbody]

2rebecca I've shared a bed many a time with a male friend without it meaning anything more (and I've also shared a bed with a male friend only for it to lead to a lot more )

(disclaimer: they where always single male friends)

[2rebecca]

I haven't and can't imagine having a discussion about going to bed with a bloke that didn't involve sex. If it is really just a platonic friendship I would far rather sleep on the sofa.
Men I get on well with I often end up fancying anyway so putting me in a bed with them is probably not a good idea...

[Overmydeadbody]

lol I know what you mean.

In my younger days a lot of my friends lived in shared houses, so if I went to visit them (in other cities) I'd just share their bed as there wasn't a sofa. Didn't seem weird at the time.

[SamsMama]

at American Christian propaganda. What is that exactly? Not being snarky, honestly curious.

And yes if I were in a relationship with someone and they shared a bed with a female "friend" they'd have some 'splaining to do!

[2rebecca]

I think christian groups involving teenagers often put young girls off sex (or try to) by playing the "he won't respect you if you sleep with him" card. American silver ring thing groups that I saw on TV were very big on this angle (as well as god not being amused and going to hell).
I would not be impressed if any man I went out with really didn't respect women once he'd slept with them or felt holding off sleeping with a woman was a mark of respect. If I'm single how soon I sleep with a man has nothing to do with how much I respect him so I don't understand the sexist and rather strange idea that if you respect a woman you don't sleep with her.
I've never heard the "respect" argument outside religious circles.

[SamsMama]

Yeah true. I think it's odd how some groups act like the guy would be a total Prince Charming...if only you hadn't slept with him. I'm all about abstinance (sp? FGS I need to sleep) if it's someone's choice-it was totally not mine, to an embarassing degree-but I think that kind of stuff is crap.

[solidgoldSneezeLikeApig]

A man who won't respect you after he's shagged you is a man who doesn't respect you anyway and never will.