How much support with childcare do you get from your family ? Has this suprised you?

[fufflebum]

Just wanted to start this thread as in the last 4 years since 2 DC have been born it has suprised me how little both sets of Grandparents seem to want to offer in the way of childcare or visits to their grand children.

With the exception of my mum who visits quite regularly we have had very little practical input (regular babysitting/taking out for day etc).

One set live a long way away, Scotland, and visit once per year, if lucky. The other live about 1 1/2 hrs away. All are in good health and are retired.

No siblings near to offer assistance.

I have to admit both DH and I are quite 'independent' and like to get on with stuff.

However, I wanted to do a 'straw poll' to see if my/our experience is usual.......

no help whatsoever

I come on here now and then to moan about it!

also regularly amazed at how much help some mums get from their mums and still moan at me about how hard they have it

For the first few years of my kids lives I rarely asked for help babysitting as I didn't want to take the mickey but now they are 4 and 2 MIL looks after them every Wednesday while I work. My Mum lives 60 miles away but misses seeing them so much she will take them off our hands at the drop of our hat! She has looked after them for a long weekend while we went to Amsterdam then for 5 days when we went on honeymoon and next year her and MIL will take it in turns to have them while we go to NZ for my best friends wedding.

We have a couple of people who we trust to babysit in the evenings too.

For the first 3 years after I had children I went out about 4 times altogether. In the last year we have been out at least once a month and my family are happy to help and often offer anyway without us asking.

We think we deserve a break sometimes and we are still young (30) and love going out so I don't think having kids means we have to stop entirely and do everything by ourselves. I look after other peoples kids so they can go out and enjoy themselves and will certainly do so for my kids when they are parents. I remember my parents leaving us with grandparents and great grandparents when we were younger so they could go out and why not. We loved being with our grandparents and they got a break.

Sorry bit of a rant there but noticed a few posts which seemed to be saying that as parents you should be looking after your kids all the time and no-one else. Thats fine if that is what you want but not everyone wants to sit in watching Strictly every Saturday night

sweetkitty, blimey that sounds terrible
i take it the pain goes after you have your baby?
not a very good excuse on your mums part.

It's not nice gardeningmum05 but saying that I have had it 3 times so it must be worth it yes it all but goes after the baby is born

I'm not asking for free childmining but if I thought one of my daughters was like I was, I would have at least come up once a month to help her out, if fact me being me I would probably move in with them.

I think having no help makes you really adamant that you will help your DC when they are older.

Like ssd I come on here and moan about it

Glad to hear the pain has got better sweetkitty.

Hurrah for MN I have had a week of posting on here as DC have been ill.

I guess posting on here gives a sense of perspective to our experiences....good and bad.

like you sweet kitty, i get angry about the lack of support.
afew years ago i actually told my mum and stepdad how i felt. he said "you dont have kids to fob them off on everyone else "this from the man that let his son be adopted by another guy so he didnt have to pay maintenance and only seen him half a dozen times and he is now 25. i was so angry

bloody hell nikki1978, some of us don't have the choice to get out on a Saturday night like you do, stop being so smug

just read your post nikki, and to be honest the last bit did come over a little smug

trust me, you are very lucky getting out with your DP, some of us get out twice a year if we are lucky

Mil has DD every monday and pretty much whenever else i ask, if i had a hair appointent or need to go shopping or something. She'll have her over night occasionally at the weekend too if we want to go out but thats rare as we dont go out much any more due to Ds !

When i was in on bedrest/ in hospital/ recovering from a section/ ds in scbu (for 10 weeks) Mil pretty much took over and for that i am eternally gratefull. She changed her shifts at work so she could do what i couldn't, her and DD are very close. We would not have managed without good family support.

My parents live an hour away but have DD for a long weekend every couple of months and take her out for days here and there. i am sure it'll be the same for ds when he's older.

reading some of these posts has made me realise how lucky we are.

I meant to say that i am not surprised by how it works really, My Dc have the kind of relationship with their grandparents that we had with our grandparents iykwim. It's just whats normal to us.

We'll be very hands on with our Gc

what really hurts is that I'd love a supportive. loving family and in laws near us as I know not only would we benefit but my boys would enjoy it so much too

ds2 sometimes makes up "news" on a Monday at school ablout his "cousins" that come to play and what a fun time they have, he has no cousins and it breaks my heart he has to make it up to fit in (he is 7), he says everyone in his class has cousins/grannies/aunties/uncles that visit except him

and my 2 are the only grandkidson dh's side, but his siblings and mum have just no interest at all, to me its gobsmacking

to me reading all these stories about family and in laws that are so keen to help out with the kids are normal, its the situation we're in where no one wants to help (but could...) that feels so abnormal to me