Just to add my two pence worth in the hope that it helps ? I do think it?s possible to win someone back if being together is ultimately what you both want.
My H left me just after ds?s first birthday. He wasn?t happy, needed space etc (we?d been together 15 years since young teenagers).
As someone else said on here, they rarely go to ?nothing? and a few months down the line I found out that indeed, there was someone else.
I went through the begging, pleading, crying, shouting etc? Totally agree it?s not the way to go. But sometimes you can?t help how you react when your marriage has fallen apart and you feel like you never got a chance to put it right?
Anyway, after much soul searching and lots of support from good friends I made on here, I managed to move on. I got on with my life. Dated again. Changed my image (just a little bit ? but enough to make me feel better and more confident).
2 years down the line, I had developed a new life and was starting to feel happy in myself again. I knew that H could see the old me (perhaps the one that had been slightly lost in the midst of 40 hour working weeks and a new baby) and I also learnt that a lot of my begging and pleading in the early days was because I was so frightened of being alone. I didn?t have the strength to turn round and say ok, it?s your loss, go for it. I?d only ever been in a relationship with him, since age 14, and approaching 30 I didn?t know how to be alone.
Once I realised I didn?t need him, and actually didn?t want him any longer, everything changed.
It was a long slow process and I really did need to heal, and I mean genuinely heal, and move on, before there could even be any thoughts of where to go on the relationship front.
(I say that because I was often advised to put on my best clothes and put on a brave face whenever I saw him. Which I did. But it never worked. Because if I didn?t truly believe it myself, how could I get him to believe it!)
Having said all of that, I never did stop loving him. I didn?t like him for a long time. But I always loved him.
To cut a long story short, I look back on the last 2 years and think it was the best thing that could have happened to us. I had chance to find ?me?. I learnt how to be alone, what makes ?me? happy. I went wild, had fantastic dates and experiences. And believe me, I channelled every ounce of strength I had, to turn the endless tears I?d shred at sending ds off to spend time with his dad, to actually do something positive that was just for me.
I guess in some senses I did eventually ?win him back?. He deeply regrets everything he did and is doing everything he can to put it right. We are also expecting our second baby in 10 weeks time.
To be honest though, I don?t have any regrets over any of it (except perhaps slightly less begging and pleading in the early days ). But I?ve learnt so much from it. And I know that if it doesn?t work for us, I can and will be happy alone.
So I guess I?m a real life example of taking the advice on here. It?s one of the hardest things to do. But living your life for yourself, and being happy with yourself, should give you the answers you need. You may well find you then don?t want a man who can treat you like that. But if you do, then it?s your choice. And you'll know whatever you decide, it?s for the right reasons.
Good luck.