partner spat in my face and called me a c**t

[missylea]

Hi first time on mumsnet but needed some support and advice on staying strong for myself and my children.
I have 2 children from previous marriage and met which i thought was a wonderful guy and had whirlwind romance and fell pregnant 3 months into the relationship.
He was not emotionally supportive towards me during the pregnancy as i suffered pre natal depression and he just couldnt understand why i was depressed.
To cut a long story short we have been on and off now for months and at xmas eve we had argument and he came and kicked my front door and said he was taking our baby. I rang the police and had him arrested. From xmas eve we havent really been back on but he had said that he wants things to work but he is the most grumpest and moodest person i know and he actually brings my mood down where i have to take diazapan when im in his company most of the time.
The other day we had family outing which is rare as doesnt treat my other 2 children fairly so again atmosphere. He came back to my home and started arguing in front of my children. I started arguing back with him and he spat in my face and called me a c**t. I was so shocked and disapointed i locked myself in toilet so children wouldnt see me cry.As this is the second time around for me I really wanted this to work but he is so threatening with the things that he says. He makes me feel horrible as he says i have 2 children with my ex husband and now one with him as he knows i never wanted this to happen again. I told him i never wanted to speak to him ever again as this was the most disgusting and disrespectful thing you can do on someone!
Please just looking for some support and words of wisdom about starting living on my own again with my children. I have already been through a divorce and i am lucky i have my own home so dont need to worry about findind somewhere else to live and uproot my children.

missylea - glad you are staying strong and being positive about yourself.
Please start immediately tomorrow going through official channels to get this situation under control. You need to have some level of reporting of his behaviour, his mood swings, everything.

KEEP his text messages - they are evidence. RECORD any phone calls you have with him - ditto. KEEP any emails - ditto.

And get to a solicitor asap. At the very least go and talk to someone in CAB about the way forward.

Well i have three from different fathers.. you can't tell what the true man is sometimes as they usually start the crap when you are dependent on them, PG or with a new baby, ect, well thats what i have found anyway.
Up till then they give no outward sign of being such a nob.

I too had a text from my ex who would give his right arm and half his cock to get back with me, this was when DP was off cheating on me. Ex told me he would take me and the baby on. I was 7 months pg at the time, and i wasn't interested, believing me and DP were just on a bit of a fallout, but now i know what he was up to....
However, i am not going to go straight from one to another. I left ex because i thought he was cheating. I listened to gossip, but there's no smoke w/o fire IMO, so i may have been right.

DP has only knocked my confidence in my ability to spot a wanker.

I did, and still do love him very much. I just don't like him atm. He built up my trust and love in him and then shattered both. I gave him chance, after chance, but this latest, when am i going to draw the line at forgiving him? When i am stood next to DS's grave because a piece of heavy marble fireplace landed on him? I think not.
He has well and truly blown it this time and forgiving is not an option any more.

Yes, i am taking a risk, annoying him by flogging his stuff, but as i work he knows i won't ask for money for DS2 and i never did while i was PG. Everything brought and paid for by me. Pushchair, cot, clothes, you name it, i asked him for not one penny..He owes me.

The stuff i am selling he has already had replaced on the car, so he doesn't NEED them, the only problem is that the money would be earmarked for his four wheeled bundle of joy instead of his kids. And it all ends today, its DSS's birthday tmoz so he will get a lovely card and present off me and DS1/2 curtesy of his dad, whereas he would have seen not one penny if it was up to selfish cunt arsehole wanker DP.

The way its looking the kids will all get 50 quid each. The fire can wait IMO. 'Tis about time that tight fisted selfish git got his kids something and they come first. Dare him to argue with THAT.

You keep your chin up love and carry on just how you are. You're doing FAB. xx

Hi stercus, actually feel a bit shit today, think the reality of sunday has hit me now or maybe just tired as ds had me up at 2 this morning.
I too had warning signs but because i was pregnant and wanted things to work i made excuses for him saying like this is all new to him coming in and being with my 2 children and a new baby cause he was used to doing whatever he wanted and being independent....NO he is just fucking selfish!
Sunday did it for me as well, when he spat in my face i just stood there shocked and he got into his car and drove off, well after telling me i was a cunt.
I too still love him but its only the him i fell for at the start of our relationship its not the real him. I was lying in bed last night going over everything that he has done to emotionally abuse me. I wasnt even sure if he was gonna be at the birth of our ds as he fell out with me 2 weeks before i was due.
Every momentus times have been ruined by him, birth, my birthday, holiday you name it was ruined by him and his controlling moody ways. I was left on holiday 6 months pregnant with my two children to go find places to eat every night as he was so grumpy and just eat in the apartment.
I just hate this part of getting over someone although he has made it a bit easier for me with the things that he's done but still feel sad at the same time.

OMG yes i know THAT feeling..the grumpiness.. jeez.

They DO seem to ruin everything that should be nice and happy about your life, and instead of making good memories, well, they fuck things up.

All the better for getting rid and staying that way when you think about what things they have done.

If you had stayed with him trust me one day you would have looked at him, felt bitter and thought, "I have wasted my life on you" and you would have HATED him. This way you can pick up the tattered remains of your dignity, put up the bullshit shield, and hide from the world and heal....or go out and heal, 'tis up to you and how you deal with things best.

They don't like to be bloody rejected do they.
Mines outside again tonight, staring at the house

Nobber.

Dya know i wasn't sure he was going to be at the birth of DS either after he ditched me three times during the PG. Now i know what he was up to the one time, it seems highly likely that thats what was happening the other times as well.

When he dumped me in gloucester and i gave him a mouthful, i slipped in the bit about me not being unwanted while i was pg, or unattractive, he didn't like that one BIT. He didn't like the idea i had a replacement 'daddy' all set up for DS. Well, he was the one who left, told his kids to tell me 'DS will have two christmas's now, one with US and one with you'
This is a six and seven year old ffs.
He put his nob before his kids.

I also told him i was offered a threesome with two blokes who were gagging to be with a pg woman.. not like i would, but the offer was there..TRUST me, THAT wound him up.. "Did you?? Would you have done?? Why didn't you ?? " Cheeky fekker, i'm not like him with his standards of an alley cat.

Twas nice to be asked tho even if it was for their selfish reasons tehhehehe .. now HE thought he would go off and i would be crying into his shirt for weeks.

Thinks a lot of himself really. "So and so wants me" Oh, does she now, well, off ya go, lets see if she still wants you when you show your true colours.

Yours, no doubt, is and was the same?
Just think what you have just saved yourself from

Well done for not taking his crap, just make sure you keep it that way. I'm with an abusive twat, am waiting till I get a good wage then I'm off! I've also been spat at, and it really is the lowest thing you could do to somebody. I can relate to you when you said you love the man you thought he was,and I'm glad you realise this. I have also lost count of the birthdays, christmasses and holidays that have been ruined by my twat.
You keep strong, YOU KNOW YOU CAN, even when you have bad days. There's a thread on emotional abuse on here, lots of supportive ladies there too. Good luck

good for you junglist! I'm glad u are finding a way out too well done. Im amazed at the kindness and support of all the woman on her its fantastic, Ive been hooked to this laptop from sunday!
Its just the starting all over again cause i wanted so much to have a "proper" family unit and with one divorce under my belt i never expected this to happen again with another wee baby. I know now my dc will be alot happier not having to walk on egg shells around him. The household will be far more relaxed without him shouting his demands and what should be done and not done!
I know this shouldnt bother me but everytime he leaves of ds back to me he's all chirpy and smiley as if nothing has happened.... i would love to just give him a good kick in the balls

Junglist. It will take a long time for you to be ready but chin up.

I can say CATEGORICALLY i would never have left mine unless i was on here and getting all the support, PLUS being told time and time again that what he does is wrong, i had almost accepted it as normal because it sneaked up on me, his behaviour and caught me at my lowest.

And held me there.

Missy..mine also used to go quiet and give the silent treatment then without apology he would be all sweetness/light/chirpy/happy and i would just follow suit for an easy life.

I don't know why. I can't stay angry for long, i am patient and never held a grudge, or been miserable for long, even when i was going through hell with SS and DD, i used to cry myself to sleep thinking "I just can't do this any more" then wake up feeling ready to do it all again.

'Tis a tribute to how STRONG you are..thats it, but also how you have come to accept defeat in a way, if you get what i mean, but the only way from where we are now is onwards and upwards

I don't feel like shit... i feel FANTASTIC because the man who 'could have anyone he wanted' and 'was soooooo brilliant and could have given me a wonderful life if only i did this and that and behaved this way and did as i was told ect,'

Is now sitting outside my house in tears.
And not for a nanosecond will i feel sorry for him.

stercus you go girl!!!! how strong are you being.
I know what your saying about the support and being told again and again that they have done wrong cause you just think sometimes this is normal life... is there really any half decent men left or does any exist??? I thought this was the way a relationship goes after a while.
Although not stupid to put up with shit and aggressive and thats where he felt i was always on his back cause i would never except it.
The funny thing too is that his ways where controlling but he didnt mind me in the slightest going out in fact to encouraged it and encouraged me to have my own life, most men from what i hear that are controlling dont want their gfs going out and are jealous whereas he wasnt one bit but then again he is arrogant and cocky and new i wouldnt have done anything on him.
See i couldnt never except his grumpiness cause it always brought me down with him and i would think that i had done something and then i would get annoyed and thats how most of the arguments started.
He has a fucking cheek to say to me if only i could be happy we would of got along!! why do these men not see the way they are?????
He thinks im not a happy person cause im suffering from pnd but to be honest i think it was more to do with him than pnd as he didnt support or help me one bit.
He is one of these dicks that thinks depression is all in your head and you can just snap outta it. I am just self pitying

Yup i know where you're coming from..DP reckoned i was a NAG because i used to keep sticking up for myself and bringing up what he was doing, and saying how he could do it differently or be less agressive ect, whatever the situation was.

Oh well. He's a nob and i'm wasting more of my life typing about him lol sod him.. happy thoughts from now on in ......