Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Exp is friends with the girl he swore he did not sleep with...

28 replies

newlysinglemummy · 09/04/2009 23:48

When I was pregnant I found out exp had another girlfriend for over a year. He swore she was lying and said he would prove it.

We have broken up now but I looked on facebook and saw he is on her friends list. I cannot see his friends as have to be his friend before I view other friends.

For nearly 2years I have been tormented trying to find out if she was lying or him. He said they were just friends but she did fancy him and they did kiss once.

And she was lying as thinks she will get him for herself if i break up with him. I knew it was lies but he completly denied it and said he would prove it.

Anyway I know this is cheeky but I'm wondering if I can add anyone as myfriend on face book as I have made an account and cannot add him as a friend untill I have some friends myself. So would anyone let me add them as a friend? Sorry I know it is sad.... I just really need to know what is going on inside his face book page...

OP posts:
Spero · 09/04/2009 23:57

But do you really? will it make you feel any better? or just give you something else to obsess over?

sorry to not sound sympathetic, but this sounds very unhealthy and unhelpful for you. I think you've got to try to let it go.

Alambil · 10/04/2009 00:00

so he's your ex?

why give him headspace?

May I suggest moving on and not letting him rule your life in this way, seeing as he's gone now - sounds like it's better off this way anyway!

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:02

I know i feel like a real sado but the problem is i want to know the truth which i will never get from him, and he alays tries to get backwith me and the reason i usually give in is because i do not know the truth.

Ok firgt about me trying to snoop on face book for a sec.

He would never be friends with someone who made up lies about him to ruin his relationship would he? So she must have been telling the truth, what do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:03

I know I am better off with out him, I just really wnat to know the truth.

But you are both right, I should just move on, but I find it hard to without knowing the truth...

OP posts:
mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:03

He's your EX
let it go

Spero · 10/04/2009 00:03

Nooooo! all you will do is drive yourself MAD. What is the 'truth' anyway?

you say you will 'never get' the truth from him, so why on earth do you care what he did or what he is doing? he sounds like bad news. the time you spend wasting on thinking about him is time you will never get back and time you could be using much more productively. I think.

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:09

I know I know, so you are all making me feel like an even sadder saddo then I already am... But I dont know it is just difficult as I was upset thoughtout my pregnancy by this and after and I just wish I knew for sure either way

OP posts:
Spero · 10/04/2009 00:12

sorry for making you feel like a saddo, I'm just talking from bitter, bitter experience here. I have had to force myself to stop looking at ex's facebook page as every comment from another woman is like a punch in the gut. so why do I put myself thru it??

I think we all delude ourselves that if 'he' was just honest with us, if we knew what 'really' went on we would feel much better and would move on. I personally think that is bollox. There are always hundreds of other questions, things you 'really' need to know.

And honestly, you don't. You need to be able to move onwards and upwards to better things.

mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:18

You are NOT a saddo!

Your feelings are perfectly understandable.
You just need us to point out that acting on your feelings/ focussing on them is NOT a good idea

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:19

No its ok i felt like a saddo before i posted this message for even wanting to look at his face book.

He is such an arse, he trated me like shit, said this girl was a lier and I told her he said it was all lies and now they are friends...

I know how good he is at lying as he did it to me for long enough, so now i am thinking they must be a couple. Then it makes me wonder if they were a couple all along while we were trying to sort our crap relatioship out. And I was having a break down and looking after my dd all at the same time...

Sorry I know I am ranting and seem like a crazy women but honestly it never stops with this shitty man...

OP posts:
Spero · 10/04/2009 00:21

I think you are well out of it. This man could never have supported you and cared for you and your dd. He sounds as if he will be for ever 12 years old.

Rant away if it makes you feel better but try not to be interested in his dysfunctional life.

mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:21

but love that is exactly why you have to extricate yourself from him in your mind.

Don't let him keep hurting you.

JUST BE GLAD HE IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND FEEL A BIT SORRY FOR HIS NEXT VICTIM/SUCKER

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:22

no honestly I am a saddo because I feel I have let him treat me this way and let myself feel like this when I know I am much stronger then this.

I feel it is unfair that he gets to pick his relatioship up with his girl where he left off.

And I feel that I have let him get away with all of this. And he has not had to pay in any way.

But I on the other hand have payed alot... I have had him as a cheating, violent looser hanging around for so long. Now I have our lovely dd so it is all worth it but I wish she had a different dad. I feel that I have not caused him any heart ache but he has caused me alot...

OP posts:
mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:25

Don't seek revenge.

Life is NOT fair. Suck it up!

it is not for you to "let him get away" with this.

You are not God !

Move on.
Hold your head high.
love your daughter.

Spero · 10/04/2009 00:25

I don't think that hurting when a relationship ends and when you have been treated badly makes you a saddo.

But to carry on torturing yourself in this way is definitely not a good idea.

Of course it is unfair that he seems to be carrying on having a great old time. But if you brood over it and feel like shit the only person you are hurting is yourself.

The best revenge is a life well lived. He'll get his one day, I am a firm believer in karma if only because it seems logical that if you treat people who care about you like crap, one day you will run out of people...

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:30

He has done so much to me and everytime I think oh well i will rise above it and move on, I dont want him anyway as he is so useless.

But this time I just feel it shows what a liar he is, I'm sure tomorrow I will be back to normal but right now I feel like calling him just to tell him I know he has got her as a friend on facebook, and know what a liar he is. But I WILL NOT DO IT. as i know that would make him think I am interested in him still....

OP posts:
mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:31

well said Spero.

Your life will be punctuated with people who treat you like crap( hopefully not too many)

You can retaliate with more crap, thereby adding to the pot of worldwide crap, or you can respond with dignity and not stoop to a crappy level.

not always easy to do

Spero · 10/04/2009 00:32

We've all been here. I think it gets easier as you get older. I'm guessing you are probably under 30?

It's late, you are probably tired, go get some sleep and I hope things seem brighter in the morning.

But it does get better.

Spero · 10/04/2009 00:34

ditto mrsblanc!

some days I respond with dignity, others I don't, but it is always good to strive for the former.

mrsblanc · 10/04/2009 00:34

I'm ancient and bad behaviour in others still hurts!
But yes it does get easier as you get older

Original poster
newlysinglemummy · 10/04/2009 00:34

Yes I am under 30, so still crazy lol

I am just about to go to bed, thanks ladies, I think the best to do is get to the gym tomorrow and work all that anger out.... night xx

OP posts:
Spero · 10/04/2009 00:36

Thought so, swirling with those youthful hormones (jealous bitter emoticon) the gym sounds the best place for it.

Have a great day tomorrow. DO NOT go anywhere near Facebook.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 10/04/2009 00:47

He's a wanker. Even if he has a great line in chat and excuses, or a patented sad-puppy-dog-not-my-fault look, he's a wanker. And you can do so much better. Living happily alone is better than living with a wanker.
It's no good wanting to explain to people like this how much they hurt you. They know that they hurt you. They just don't care, they hurt you because they wanted to do something that would hurt you and they are more interested in their feelings than in yours.

welshbyrd · 10/04/2009 00:49

what goes around comes around chix, n i promise may seem like he is having the time of his life now, but he will soon come down a peg or too, and the best way to get any revenge or any man, is when his "low" time comes,yours will have passed, for him to see you over him and enjoying your life. If you seen his facebook details, whether you see something incriminating or not you will still end up hurt, if you do see something on there you will be gutted, if you dont see the proof then you will carry on looking through different ways of finding it.He"s not worth it.

JJsandcat · 10/04/2009 05:17

Blank him on FB, block both and move on. He's not worth your time. I think we all know what just a kiss means and I'm telling you, you're well shot of him. Who'd want a guy to behave like this, esp. in a time when you're carrying his baby and are vulnerable. Let it go. Focus on your dd and the future.