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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I feel really upset and insulted.

40 replies

DiFlated · 07/04/2009 16:44

I've been chatting to a man online (online dating) for 3 weeks. He seemed lovely, always nice to chat to, never a bad word to say about anyone and I was really looking forward to meeting him.

So we agreed to meet today for a coffee. I waited for him outside and he turned up a few minutes late. He walked over and smiled. I smiled back and when he reached me he said the following:

"Hiya, look I'm going to honest, no point in wasting each other's time, I don't think this will work. There is no attraction there on my side. I'm really sorry, hope you've not had far to come?"

I didn't know what to say so just stood there looking stupid and gormless (and probably very red). In the end I just said "No, I was in town anyway". He smiled again and said "That's alright then. Well hope you find what you're looking for, good luck" he then patted me on the shoulder and walked off, all smiles.

I was GUTTED. Not because I liked him, but because of the way I felt he treated me. This was my first 'date' since my marriage break up and it took alot of guts for me to go. I feel like all the confidence I've built up over the past few years has drained away in one day.

Half of me is wondering if that was his plan all along, just a laugh for him.

I feel really depressed and I know I'm being pathetic and probably over reacting does anyone see why I'm so upset or am I being OTT about it all?

OP posts:

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 07/04/2009 16:46

what a bastard! He could have been polite and had a coffee ffs.

I can totally understand how humiliated you must have felt. He treated you shabbily.

peasholme · 07/04/2009 16:47

What an arse. Am for you. That is dreadful behaviour, of course you're not being pathetic and over reacting. Hope it doesn't put you off meeting someone else.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 07/04/2009 16:48

What an absolute wanker. That's unbelievably rude, unkind, thoughtless and arrogant.
The only way it would be remotely excusable would be if you had sent him a photo of yourself that was 10 years old or something (and you look very different now).

onepieceofcremeegg · 07/04/2009 16:48

What a horrible man.

Similar happened to a colleague, only the man in question drove past her, then sent a text saying basically what was said to you.

You are not over reacting. Most people would have felt the same.

She was only about 18 and absolutely distraught. She didn't have much confidence anyway and as one might imagine this wasn't exactly a boost for her.

Tillyscoutsmum · 07/04/2009 16:50

What a tosser...

saythatagain · 07/04/2009 16:51

Silly twunt. Thats a bad start to you re-dating. Put it down to experience (easier said than done - I know ). Please don't be put off from meeting new, more worthwhile, decent men. Good luck x

titchy · 07/04/2009 16:52

I hope you said 'Do you know what - I'm so glad you said that becuase I was just thinking the same thing but thought it would be rude to say so'.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 07/04/2009 16:52

DO bear in mind that the next person he tries that stunt on might kick him in the nuts, and if he ever does find anyone who lives up to his standards, she will decide he is a shallow fuckwit and not sleep with him anyway

Tortington · 07/04/2009 16:54

phew! he clearly saved youthe rouble of finding out he was a cunt in the long term - count yourself lucky.

MadamDeathstare · 07/04/2009 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YanknbeforetheCockcrows · 07/04/2009 17:00

That's just fucking rude. I've done my share of online dating and never been treated/treated someone else this way.

Try not to get paranoid about it being planned. Some people are just arseholes like that--thinking their time is soooo valuable that they can't spare 30 minutes talking to another human being if it's not 'going anywhere'.

I usually never go for gender-based explanations, but. . .in this case I'd be tempted to say it's a very male way of handling the situation. Women are on MN all the time, agonising about should/shouldn't they go on one date with someone they're not terribly physically attracted to. I'm not sure men consider it that deeply. He may truly think he's being a decent guy by being honest right up front (though he'd be both tactless and wrong).

Don't blame you for feeling awful, anyone would.

kittywise · 07/04/2009 17:01

What a nasty piece of work

It sounds like someone like him wouldn't have any decent taste anyway

I second the 'count yourself lucky' thoughts. that was a close one!!!!

justaboutback · 07/04/2009 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 07/04/2009 17:07

what a total and utter nob

how very rude of him

please dont let that bastard put you off dating, he is the one with a problem not you, even though it must have been very hurtful

i would hazard a guess that you are right and it is something he does for amusement, and was nothing to do with you at all

what a tosser

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 07/04/2009 17:07

Anyone with any decency or a shred of good manners would have had a cup of coffee with you, made conversation with you, given you a fair chance: it's not wrong or unfair at the end of a date to politely decline meeting up again if you don't feel that you want to, for any reason, but to dump someone within seconds is revolting, childish, rude behaviour.

beanieb · 07/04/2009 17:10

is there any way you can flag this up with the dating site?

crokky · 07/04/2009 17:12

By all means feel insulted, but please don't feel upset - you have been saved from a total prick so feel relieved about it instead.

You are not pathetic, what he did was very hurtful.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 07/04/2009 17:12

he probably saw you and though tyou were way out of his league and you are clearly worth far more than a tactless, insensitive , ill mannered fool like that

jeminthecity · 07/04/2009 17:13

Agree with everyone else.

Don't let it dent your self confidence.

Uber nob!

HappyWoman · 07/04/2009 17:14

how horible of him - but i hope it hasnt put you off too much.

Hopefully one day you will be able to look back and have a little chuckle about it.

LadyOfScoffleTheEasterEggs · 07/04/2009 17:15

What an arsewipe.

Would it be very mean to link he profile so we can point and laugh nose?

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 17:16

Well rid

Jenbot · 07/04/2009 17:33

Someone did that to my friend! I thought he must be the only such idiot out there but it seems there are two. Don't take it too hard, he sounds like an idiot.

tattycoram · 07/04/2009 19:23

What an arse . It's not about you, he's a rude idiot. I'm sorry this was your first experience of internet dating, I really don't think it's typical, you were very unlucky that he showed up.

sagacious · 07/04/2009 19:30

Oh god
Am I the only one which thinks this is ok?

(this is by way of a disclaimer assuming that the bloke didn't realise the OP hadn't dated since her marriage and it was obviously a Big Thing)

I've done this to a bloke many a time.

I am officially a bitch.

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