Here's summary of what has happened over the last year or so... I have told absolutely NOBODY about this so this is quite difficult for me, but here goes...
We have always had a close relationship and i have always trusted DH fully and absolutely. When we married i was so happy that i had found someone who i believed would never ever stray as this was way outside his moral beliefs and values. He is a kind caring man and i just never believed he had it in him to cheat, especially since he has always worshiped the ground i walked on so to speak. Anyway, early last year i began to notice a marked change in his behaviour and became suspicious that he may be having an affair. So i started making note of secret conversations he was having on the phone and to cut a long story short, found out that he had been having a telephone relationship with another woman. Well i was devastated and confronted him about it and he denied there was anything in it except that he was flattered that this attractive (also married) young woman would be interersted in him and admitted that he was attracted to her but that nothing had happened and it was mainly a phone thing because he found it easy to talk to her. This shattered me even further to think that he found it easier to talk to her than to me, his own wife. At that time we had a young baby and a toddler and i knew i had been neglecting him emotionally while caring for our kids - it is so easy for the children to take over and before you know it you haven't been intimate in a month. So i accepted my share of responsibility. Anyway, things were ok for a few more months but i was still noticing some strange behaviour around phone use. Anyway, then i busted him after he went on a short trip with her and my world fell apart. I was on the verge of leaving him but we worked through it and i decided to stay and give our marriage a chance to heal for both myself, DH and of course our 2 beautiful children. DH promised me that they did not have sex, but that he wanted to although he wasn't sure whether he would have actually gone through with it once in the situation. Apparently she was also struggling with it since she also still loves her husband and so for those reasons on both sides, they never consumated the 'friendship'. Even if i convince myself that nothing 'actually' happened, the fact that he wanted it to hurt me more deeply than i can even explain. He has always been my world, the love of my life. Then late last year i found out that they were still in contact via sms and all hell broke loose again. I was ready to leave if for nothing else than to give him a taste of what a broken home would be like. He swears that the only reason he has remained in contact with this woman was to try to keep her calm so that she wouldn't lose it and tell her husband out of guilt which would only complicate things further. Anyway, he promised that he would not talk to her or sms her again and that if she called, he would not answer her calls and he would tell me about it. Anyway, 2 weeks ago i randomly listened to his voicemail and she had left him a message on there. There was nothing untoward about the message, it was very short and basically just said that someone had called and she wondered if it was him as it came from a private number. My trouble is that he didn't tell me about the message as he had promised and i was already having so much trouble trying to trust him again. He said he just didn't want to open a can or worms again and that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to bring the whole thing back up again for no reason. He said he did not return the call and that the fact that she left a message should reassure me because he does not answer her calls. Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar situation?