in a panic, fretting lots, please calm me down (tis psycho with mother and aunt issues, AGAIN, <sigh>)

[psychomum5]

won;t go into the whole ins and outs of yesterday. a fair few of you know how I feel about them and my issues (suffice to say lots of tears and then drinking).

anyway.................

have had a phone call from aunt , telling me that all I feared might actually happen and my mother may be able to track me down.

on my visit to mother yesterday I mistakenly dropped a 'pass-out' from school for my DS2 (he had a hospital appointment during the day and so needed a 'pass-out' to prove he was not truanting). It has his full name, and of course name and address of the school on it.

now, when I was a child, regardless of my mother being in a mental hospital 30miles from where I lived and went to school, and also despite being in a 'locked unit', she still managed to escape and get to me, and each time to the school I went to as it was no secret where I attended.

the trauma to me with her walking in and screaming for me, attacking teachers & police when they were called, all witnessed by my friends while I was hidden in the heads office (my aunt would never come and get me from school even tho everyone was warned......and no-one managed to find my mother until she got to me either) is very long lasting. It is one of the reasons that I keep everything possible secret from her (ie, married name, address, tel. no., work place, mobile......in fact, she can only contact me thru my aunt, whcih of course gives my aunt power I wish she didn;t have).

so, now, me being an idiot, is terrifying me.

I have been told by my friend who came with me yesterday to visit her that my fears are less likely to happen now. schools are impossible to get into, she is old (she is. even tho she is only 59, she is old due to the illness), and she is not going to find it so easy.

but she could..........she actually only lives 3miles away from me now, and as close also to the school. she is not locked up, she is now in a home where yes, she has carers, but she is allowed out so could easily get a taxi or bus (not 100% sure she is capable but she is certainly determined).

I am scared

and fretting

but not sure is my fear is real or just left over from my trauma as a child.

please, tell me it will be ok, or tell me how to deal with it without moving schools and house which right now is my thoughts.

I do hear you stealth and trillian.

I am not in rational-mode tho........am seeing problems where there are none (or where there are teeny likely probs IYGWIM). thankyou both for trying to calm me, I do appreciate it (and all of you who have posted........it means a lot.

nabs, 'speak' to you in a bit

right, I really must get on with house-stuff for a bit. be back soon

Don't worry, we know it's hard to be rational with big emotional issues, that's what we're here for, like a cross between spock and jiminy cricket!

I have no idea what is wrong with my mother.

She had a rotten time when younger. Told a lot of lies, ridiculous ones as well as malicious ones. Had tonnes of men. No idea how to be a mother having had a mother and step mother who weren't as great as they should have been.

She is prone to dramatics and just doesn't have a clue she needs to try and be a friend before laying the law down as a mother.

She threatened suicide if I didn't invite her to my wedding. She has threatened to get access to my children and she has had nice cosy chats with my MIL.

Everything she has done, she has done for me.

Refused to let me be adopted the day before it was meant to be signed.
Caused trouble where I was happy in children's or foster homes.
Stayed away when I was miserable.
One time she only had to hit me the once to get me to behave.
Blamed my DH for me not seeing her.
Etc etc etc etc

oh nabs.

sounds like my aunt and mother in one body. I didn;t at least tho have the suicide threat before the wedding, altho I did have threats and persuasions from everyone else to let her come, which I gave into for the actual ceremony, altho I put my foot down about the reception.....not that that stopped 5 people hassling me and putting on guilt-trips about it while the photos were being taken.

DH took a stand tho, said a flat NO, and they listened. He did his big "I am her husband so I say what goes now" speach .

am just hoping he can help sort this out with aunty now........

nabs, many many many .

oh, how does you MIL react to her?? is your MIL a good woman who you can turn to??

My mother found my MIL phone number as my married name isn't very common and she knew the general area.

My Nana sold me out on her death bed byt telling mother I had kids and was pregnant and MIL told her "mother to mother" that I had had a baby boy and his name. What about loyalty to me?

We were banking on her being laughed out of court for trying to get access to grnadchildren who names she didn't know, told MIL it was vital she didn't tell her, all the while not letting us know she already had. And this woman will never lie...

Two years ago MIL delivered a letter my mother had sent on my son's birthday and gave it to DH. Ruined the day for me.

If you're in 'count your blessings' mode, psycho, then IIWY your list would definitely include your MIL (as well as DC and DH of course!)

Rational on other people's behalf I can do

ah, so you MIL also has similarities to my aunt then too.

am soooooo for you.

you know, this makes us even more amazing as mums don;t you. to be able to go on and be the great mums that we are (I have to believe it seeing as enough tell me), albeit with the blips we have (you are haing one now, I have had them too..........paretning is so so hard at times), after being taught to parent by disfunctional women is astounding, even tho I do say so myself.

we should pat ourselves on the back

and then to calm down

stealth, I know. I am truly lucky to have my MIL, as I do count her as being the one to help me be the woman I am. she came into my life at the right moment to help me (I was only 16). she is wonderful to turn to.

makes me even angrier that my aunt hassled her so much saturday. and stayed hassling until she managed to get hold of me

I think my MIL might be beginning to get how hard things are for me. She is having DS2 later this week and has all of them for the day and to sleep over when she can.